2/27/2004: Massive housecat

[Undertoad]

Tux sent me this, and I was immediately skeptical because there have been so many fakes of massive cats. But hmmm, this one looks pretty good. Asked Tux where it came from, and it turns out it's already been Snopes-filtered!

http://www.snopes.com/photos/animals/bigcat2.asp

But Snopes gets all snopey on us: "...the cat's being stretched out full-length in the woman's arms leaves it looking much longer than it would seem if it were posed in a normal stance, and its luxurious, fluffed-out coat of hair creates an added impression of extra thickness..."

Aw, Snopes, don't ruin the fun of what is, apparently, an actual photo and at the very least a big-ass cat.

As for the obvious sexual innuendo, I can only think of a funny story that an old friend used to tell, which ended thusly:

Old man: "Good food, good beer... now, I wish I had a little pussy."
Old lady: "Me too, mine's the size of a bucket."

Happy Friday.

[jaguar]

My Grandmother's Cat

My grandmother's cat grew too fat for his shelf
So he slept every night on a bed.
He was almost as big as my Grandma herself
'Cause three times a day he was fed.
He was fed tuna scraps as he sat on Grandma's lap
On his back with a big napkin tied,
He ate as much as he could hold
Until he got too wide.

Every day pounds of salmon meat (chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp)
Sirloin of parakeet (chomp, chomp, chomp)
He ate as much as he could hold
Until he got too wide.

My Grandmother said that of cats she had known
Her favorite by far was old Dan;
He'd stand on the floor, and his eyes simply shone
When she opened the tunafish can.
With his eyes shining bright, and a groan of delight
He'd rub against Grandma and purr,
'Til one day he knocked Grandma down
For by then he was bigger than her.

Every day gobs of goose pate (chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp)
Followed by fish fillets (chomp, chomp chomp)
'Til one day he knocked Grandma down
For by then he was bigger than her.

She fell to the floor with a pitiful scream
And lay there unconscious awhile,
And when she awoke his eyes were agleam
As he looked down on her with a smile.
With a gigantic paw, he poked my old Grandma
As he gave her a horrible grin;
He looked at her legs, and he peered at her arms
Wondering where to begin.

Aged, but tender parts, (chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp)
Mouse morsels a la carte (chomp, chomp, chomp)
He looked at her legs, and he peered at her arms
Wondering where to begin.

She managed to climb, despite her bad back
To the top of her old Frigidaire.
She threw him two steaks, his favorite snack
Which he always took medium rare.
The three awful days that she spent upon the fridge
Seemed to her like a lifetime, at least;
She threw to the floor all the food that she could find
To fill up the ravenous beast.

All sorts of merchandise (chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp)
Hams of the family size (chomp, chomp, chomp)
She threw to the floor all the food that she could find
To fill up the ravenous beast.

She stayed there three days, till she ran out of stuff
And the giant was snarling for more!
He was standing and nibbling on her right scuff
When the family burst in through the door.
It took twenty men to shut him in a pen
And ship him away to the zoo;
Let this be a lesson to all, both great and small---
That your pets should be smaller than you.

Carte blanche you can't afford (chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp)
Cut out the smorgasbord ( chomp, chomp, chomp)
Let this be a lesson to all, both great and small---
That your pets should be smaller than you.



From the fantastic 'songs of the cat' tape. Released many years ago.

[Happy Monkey]

Anyone else know what song that's a parody of?

[Elspode]

Some things are not relative, no matter what Snopes sez...I mean, look at one of this cat's limbs. Its foot to shoulder leg length is *at least* as long as my goddamn forearm. That is a big fucking cat, no matter how you look at it. Thyroidic, even.

[Elspode]

Originally posted by Happy Monkey
Anyone else know what song that's a parody of?

My Grandfather's Clock.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Whew, I'm glad it's a cat because it would be one damn ugly bra.

[Happy Monkey]

Originally posted by Elspode
My Grandfather's Clock.

[joeschmoe]

boy, that lady has a big pussy!

[lumberjim]

it's a big cat.

[IMG]don't tell me if i'm right or wrong.[/IMG]

[Lady Sidhe]

That's a Maine Coon Cat.

A friend of mine had one that was bigger than that one. She used to hold it like a baby, on her hip, and it weighed somewhere around 35-40 lbs.

We have a half-Maine Coon here at home, and he weighs about 20 lbs, is about 2/3 the size of the cat in the picture, and is about a foot-and-a-half tall. And he's only HALF Maine Coon. His son, who is a quarter Maine Coon, is only marginally smaller than he is.

(The female who had the quarter one lost the first litter because the fetuses were so big. )



Sidhe

[CzinZumerzet]

Unless that is an extremely small but beautifully formed woman, holding her very average cat.

[Nothing But Net]

You guys can have your big pussies. Me, I prefer the small ones, myself.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Alcohol will make it tight.

[richlevy]

Originally posted by Lady Sidhe
That's a Maine Coon Cat.

A friend of mine had one that was bigger than that one. She used to hold it like a baby, on her hip, and it weighed somewhere around 35-40 lbs.

We have a half-Maine Coon here at home, and he weighs about 20 lbs, is about 2/3 the size of the cat in the picture, and is about a foot-and-a-half tall. And he's only HALF Maine Coon. His son, who is a quarter Maine Coon, is only marginally smaller than he is.

I looked up 'Maine Coon Cat' on Yahoo and came up with a site which has a FAQ. It states:

Although the Yankee myth of 30-pound cats is just that, a myth (unless the cat is grossly overweight!), these are indeed tall, muscular, big-boned cats; males commonly reach 13 to 18 pounds, with females normally weighing about 9 to 12 pounds. Add to that two or three inches of winter coat, and people will swear that they're looking at one big cat.

[Lady Sidhe]

Our cat looks like the one in the picture, and he weighs around 20 lbs. He's not fat at all. My friend's cat was MUCH bigger than ours is, and much heavier, and he didn't seem fat to me. He WAS fluffy, though. I guess there are exceptions to the average, sometimes. Who knows?