crappy father's day gifts

monster · 06-02-2014, 11:28 PM

For mother's day, they push all sorts of shit that should be a regular household purchase -like a new vacuum cleaner or matching spatula set -not the sort of shit you give someone to show them you appreciate them, but crap to make their role for which you are thankful more interesting/efficient/something.

For father's day they push gadgets, gizmos and toys. No fair.

What would be the equivalent shit for fathers -not dodgy socks and monogrammed hankies but the stuff they use everyday in their stereotypical roles doing the shit they have to because no-one else will and it's expected of them?

new trash cans with built in weights to they can work out as they take out the garbage?

A special scoop for dead mice and other assorted corpses the cat brought in and they are expected to clean up?

A tie with a built in (color co-ordinated) drain snake? And a matching toilet plunger that fits neatly into his laptop case?

A robot to ground the kids when he gets home from work. The deluxe model could have a cupholder for his Scotch?

lumberjim · 06-02-2014, 11:48 PM

I see your female angst. And I am afraid you've blundered into a no win bitchy corner.

You see, while a woman gets all bent when her man buys her a fancy vacuum cleaner, or a top of the line iron, the man is delighted with his snow blower or zero radius walk behind mower.

xoxoxoBruce · 06-02-2014, 11:56 PM

A reversible leaf blower to suck spiders from their lairs, would be nice.

monster · 06-03-2014, 08:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lumberjim

I see your female angst. And I am afraid you've blundered into a no win bitchy corner.

You see, while a woman gets all bent when her man buys her a fancy vacuum cleaner, or a top of the line iron, the man is delighted with his snow blower or zero radius walk behind mower.

right. toys

Flint · 06-03-2014, 12:44 AM

Do they make kid-grounding, scotch-holding robots?

Sundae · 06-03-2014, 03:13 AM

Edible jockey shorts which taste of Pinot Grigio? Pleasure for him and her (as long as he only slips into them straight from the chocolate scented shower).

A warm jacket which shrinks slightly in the cold/ wet, making it necessary to hand it over to an underdressed partner on a night out.

A trained spider to squeeze the spots on his back. Actually that's creepy rather than crappy.

Gravdigr · 06-03-2014, 04:26 PM

@ no one in particular:

For Father's Day, how about stop bitching, grab the kids and disappear for five - six hours, leaving behind a freshly delivered pizza (none of that DiGiorno's shit), and a six pack. Show back up at eleven pm with unconscious kids, a rolled joint and a blow job?

Maybe I shoulda had kids, that sounds pretty damn good.

lumberjim · 06-03-2014, 04:52 PM

Except I want my bj first thing when I wake up.

lumberjim · 06-03-2014, 09:00 PM

What if beest got you a vacuum sealer for food? Or a Belgian waffle iron?

infinite monkey · 06-04-2014, 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lumberjim

What if beest got you a vacuum sealer for food? Or a Belgian waffle iron?

A vacuum sealer for food? How you gonna eat that? I think something like a sandwich would be better for food.

How do those people from Belgia make such great waffle irons, anyway?

monster · 06-03-2014, 11:20 PM

you think those are toys?

monster · 06-03-2014, 11:23 PM

but I'm not after an argument or even a discussion, I was just after some silly suggestions for crappy gifts, inspired by the difference in the type of products pushed in commercials for aforementioned hallmark holidays.

(I'm not beest's mama and we don't really do gifts for either so your question is moot ...oh and I'm not the primary foodificator.

)

Griff · 06-04-2014, 06:45 AM

It looks like guys like their home roles more than gals do. I stick to the flowers/candy routine for the Hallmark holiday. If we insist on gift giving then Pete should look here. I've recently had the irrational desire to teach myself to hand-hew beams.

glatt · 06-04-2014, 08:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Griff

I've recently had the irrational desire to teach myself to hand-hew beams.

That would be so cool. And really good exercise. Invest in some good steel toe and steel shank boots.

I understand when standing on a log and chopping at the top side of it with an adze, you want to aim about one-two inches beneath your big toe. Crazy.

And don't be this guy. I'm sure he's good, but we all make little mistakes from time to time.

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BigV · 06-04-2014, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by glatt

That would be so cool. And really good exercise. Invest in some good steel toe and steel shank boots.

I understand when standing on a log and chopping at the top side of it with an adze, you want to aim about one-two inches beneath your big toe. Crazy.

And don't be this guy. I'm sure he's good, but we all make little mistakes from time to time.

Attachment 47934

crazy.

and a good reminder why there are lots of log cabins and practically NO hand-hewn-beam cabins.

06-02-2014, 11:28 PM	#1
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	crappy father's day gifts For mother's day, they push all sorts of shit that should be a regular household purchase -like a new vacuum cleaner or matching spatula set -not the sort of shit you give someone to show them you appreciate them, but crap to make their role for which you are thankful more interesting/efficient/something. For father's day they push gadgets, gizmos and toys. No fair. What would be the equivalent shit for fathers -not dodgy socks and monogrammed hankies but the stuff they use everyday in their stereotypical roles doing the shit they have to because no-one else will and it's expected of them? new trash cans with built in weights to they can work out as they take out the garbage? A special scoop for dead mice and other assorted corpses the cat brought in and they are expected to clean up? A tie with a built in (color co-ordinated) drain snake? And a matching toilet plunger that fits neatly into his laptop case? A robot to ground the kids when he gets home from work. The deluxe model could have a cupholder for his Scotch? __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

06-02-2014, 11:48 PM	#2
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	I see your female angst. And I am afraid you've blundered into a no win bitchy corner. You see, while a woman gets all bent when her man buys her a fancy vacuum cleaner, or a top of the line iron, the man is delighted with his snow blower or zero radius walk behind mower. __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

06-02-2014, 11:56 PM	#3
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	A reversible leaf blower to suck spiders from their lairs, would be nice. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

06-03-2014, 12:44 AM	#5
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	Do they make kid-grounding, scotch-holding robots? __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

06-03-2014, 03:13 AM	#6
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Edible jockey shorts which taste of Pinot Grigio? Pleasure for him and her (as long as he only slips into them straight from the chocolate scented shower). A warm jacket which shrinks slightly in the cold/ wet, making it necessary to hand it over to an underdressed partner on a night out. A trained spider to squeeze the spots on his back. Actually that's creepy rather than crappy. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

06-03-2014, 04:26 PM	#7
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	@ no one in particular: For Father's Day, how about stop bitching, grab the kids and disappear for five - six hours, leaving behind a freshly delivered pizza (none of that DiGiorno's shit), and a six pack. Show back up at eleven pm with unconscious kids, a rolled joint and a blow job? Maybe I shoulda had kids, that sounds pretty damn good. __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

06-03-2014, 04:52 PM	#8
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	Except I want my bj first thing when I wake up. __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

06-03-2014, 09:00 PM	#9
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	What if beest got you a vacuum sealer for food? Or a Belgian waffle iron? __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

06-03-2014, 11:20 PM	#11
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	you think those are toys? __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

06-03-2014, 11:23 PM	#12
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	but I'm not after an argument or even a discussion, I was just after some silly suggestions for crappy gifts, inspired by the difference in the type of products pushed in commercials for aforementioned hallmark holidays. (I'm not beest's mama and we don't really do gifts for either so your question is moot ...oh and I'm not the primary foodificator. ) __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

06-04-2014, 06:45 AM	#13
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	It looks like guys like their home roles more than gals do. I stick to the flowers/candy routine for the Hallmark holiday. If we insist on gift giving then Pete should look here. I've recently had the irrational desire to teach myself to hand-hew beams. __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

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