Products You Knew Never Should Exist

Lamplighter · 03-01-2015, 01:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lamplighter

...Today, the sun is up and about, it's going to be a warm, cloud-less,
and slightly breezy day, the damn grass still needs mowing,
and again I'm feeling incredibly lazy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

Kill it... kill it with fire.

Then Salt the earth.

The GOOD:
My mower started on the first pull.
The grass has now been mowed.

The BAD:
Now I swear I do NOT have a penis obsession,
but this is the "Gas-Can-On-Viagra".

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It was the only model available at our local hardware store ($17.98).

There are so many things WRONG with this "new" spout...
1) the red tip-closure is almost impossible to unscrew
2) the "pressure-relief" action is difficult and awkward
3) the spout has to be held to allow the gas to flow
4) the spout does not bend to allow the can to be positioned
5) the closure at tip sprays gas in a fan, rather than flowing smoothly
6) when the spout is stored inside the can, gas will leak out the fitting.

For me, it seemed that every movement or action I tried ended up
with more gas spreading on the spout, the can, the ground, and my hands.

I may accidentally leave it in the yard when I follow xoB's suggestion.

Gravdigr · 03-01-2015, 02:29 PM

About a year ago Popdigr got one of those new-fangled 'better' gas cans.

Piece. Of. Shit.

It went away.

ETA: $18. Yee. Ikes.

xoxoxoBruce · 03-01-2015, 04:44 PM

New and improved means they've come up with a design which will fail sooner or will frustrate you into vengeful acts destroying the can. Either way, the chance to sell you a replacement sooner, bolsters the bottom line.
But, you say, I wouldn't buy from them again.
How would you know, by then they have a new and improved design, new packaging, maybe even a new business name. Besides, you wouldn't remember the name of the last company unless you have a vengeful hate deep in your heart.
If so, may god have mercy on your soul.

glatt · 03-01-2015, 05:28 PM

It's new federal regulations, guys. They all suck now.

classicman · 03-08-2015, 05:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lamplighter

The BAD:
"Gas-Can"

It was the only model available at our local hardware store ($17.98).

There are so many things WRONG with this "new" spout...
1) the red tip-closure is almost impossible to unscrew
2) the "pressure-relief" action is difficult and awkward
3) the spout has to be held to allow the gas to flow
4) the spout does not bend to allow the can to be positioned
5) the closure at tip sprays gas in a fan, rather than flowing smoothly
6) when the spout is stored inside the can, gas will leak out the fitting.

For me, it seemed that every movement or action I tried ended up
with more gas spreading on the spout, the can, the ground, and my hands.

I too own one of these.

Quote:

Originally Posted by glatt

It's new federal regulations, guys. They all suck now.

It is time to get creative with the required regulations and turn that stupid ass thing int a damn 2.5 gallon plastic container with a spout. Start with a large pair of pliers and rip that crap off the top. Take the spring and see how far you can fling it...

Gravdigr · 03-10-2015, 02:52 PM

Ladies and gentlemen of Teh Cellar, behold:

The Recto-Flute

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Better names?

Toot Flute
Poot Flute
Gas Blaster
Pupuzela
Butt Bugle
Corn Horn

Quote:

This music stinks.

BigV · 03-10-2015, 09:28 PM

Happy Monkey · 03-11-2015, 06:15 PM

Hello Barbie

A doll that records your conversations, transmits them to Mattel, who analyze them and send back something for the doll to say.

DanaC · 03-11-2015, 06:27 PM

Yeah. Nothing creepy or sinister about that at all.

Clodfobble · 03-11-2015, 06:56 PM

I'm stating on the record right here and now, that's a budding April Fool's joke. No fucking way is that real.

xoxoxoBruce · 03-11-2015, 09:13 PM

Quote:

Mattel’s technology partner ~~ToyTalk~~ NSA processes the audio with voice-recognition software.

Sundae · 03-12-2015, 04:30 AM

Grav, I now have serious issues with you. AGAIN.
I read your toot-flute post in a public place.
In a library FFS.

I honestly, literally, had to put my hand across my mouth to stop laughing.

Please to warn poor people who access internet in public.

Carruthers · 03-12-2015, 04:47 AM

Trump it.

Gravdigr · 03-12-2015, 03:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sundae

Grav, I now have serious issues with you. AGAIN.
I read your toot-flute post in a public place.
In a library FFS.

I honestly, literally, had to put my hand across my mouth to stop laughing.

Please to warn poor people who access internet in public.

I'm sorries.

Gravdigr · 03-12-2015, 03:27 PM

Trump it - Hah!

03-01-2015, 02:29 PM	#2
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	About a year ago Popdigr got one of those new-fangled 'better' gas cans. Piece. Of. Shit. It went away. ETA: $18. Yee. Ikes. __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

03-01-2015, 04:44 PM	#3
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	New and improved means they've come up with a design which will fail sooner or will frustrate you into vengeful acts destroying the can. Either way, the chance to sell you a replacement sooner, bolsters the bottom line. But, you say, I wouldn't buy from them again. How would you know, by then they have a new and improved design, new packaging, maybe even a new business name. Besides, you wouldn't remember the name of the last company unless you have a vengeful hate deep in your heart. If so, may god have mercy on your soul. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

03-10-2015, 09:28 PM	#7
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	__________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

03-11-2015, 06:15 PM	#8
Happy Monkey I think this line's mostly filler. Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: DC Posts: 13,575	Hello Barbie A doll that records your conversations, transmits them to Mattel, who analyze them and send back something for the doll to say. __________________ _________________ \|...............\| We live in the nick of times. \| Len 17, Wid 3 \| \|_______________\| [pics]

03-11-2015, 06:56 PM	#10
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	I'm stating on the record right here and now, that's a budding April Fool's joke. No fucking way is that real. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

03-01-2015, 05:28 PM	#4
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	It's new federal regulations, guys. They all suck now.

03-12-2015, 04:30 AM	#12
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Grav, I now have serious issues with you. AGAIN. I read your toot-flute post in a public place. In a library FFS. I honestly, literally, had to put my hand across my mouth to stop laughing. Please to warn poor people who access internet in public. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

03-12-2015, 04:47 AM	#13
Carruthers Junior Master Dwellar Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Buckinghamshire UK Posts: 4,059	Trump it.

03-12-2015, 03:27 PM	#15
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	Trump it - Hah! __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

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