Banana related deaths

[Cloud]

Originally Posted by monster

Practicing applying condoms in sex ed class, the banana gets over-excited and shoots it's load, all over the guy practicing with the cucumber. he jolts forward and (accidentally) rams the cucumber up the arse of the class nerd, causing him to tighten his grip on the small limp pickle and two grapes he brought. They shoot out of his grasp, the grapes lodge in each of your nostrils and the pickle flies into your gob which is stick open from the shock of seeing a banana cum. pickle obstructs windpipe, you suffocate.

brava!

[Clodfobble]

Sudden anaphylactic shock, due to a previously unknown banana allergy.

[Flint]

That's not funny.

Actually, bananas used to make my throat itch. But I never died from it as far as I know.

Frozen banana boomerang "incident".

[lookout123]

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

Sudden anaphylactic shock, due to a previously unknown banana allergy.

my sister died from that very thing. that's it, i'm leaving, you insensitive bitch.

[Flint]

"my sister died from that very thing..." ...on 9/11 ???

[lumberjim]

if you dropped a banana on someone from the world trade center on 9/10/01, it would have killed them. on the 12th....not so much.

[lookout123]

asshole. that is why she died. she was in the tower when her symptons surfaced, but they thought it was stress related. cuz she was in the building. damn terrorist cooperating bananas.

[monster]

Originally Posted by lumberjim

if you dropped a banana on someone from the world trade center on 9/10/01, it would have killed them. on the 12th....not so much.

but what about a passion fruit?

[lumberjim]

Originally Posted by monster

but what about a passion fruit?

I'm sorry... that just wasn't all that funny. I'd like to reply in some funny way because you're a member of the clique, and display all the proper allegiances and rub elbows with the right types and everything...but.....that's the kind of post that can put a thread to sleep. So, explain yourself or make some kind of a rude comment about me in retaliation.....or something.

[ZenGum]

Top marks Monster.
You are significantly weirder than I am. Well done.

I knew, I just knew, that this thread was going to end up at "you bastard, my sister was killed with a banana on September 11..."
I'm just surprised it took so long.

From this anagram:

"Within a week of the 9/11 attacks a glimmer of humor apperared. According to one Washington Post reporter, the time it took between the first plane hitting the World Trade Center and the first attempt at Internet humor was 5 days, 2 hours, 8 minutes and 1 second. It consisted of anagrams (a word or phrase formed by rearranging the letters of another word or phrase) of the name Osama bin Laden: “Animals on a bed.” “I'm Dole bananas.” ”I'm no bean salad.”"

To this news article title:

"Moussaoui Has One Foot on a Banana Peel and . . ."

Old practices making news again:

"The Banana War" (Oh my Chiquita!)

And a blast from the past:

"Banana was found guilty of 11 charges of sodomy, attempted sodomy and indecent assault in 1998."

[Spexxvet]

Originally Posted by Flint

That's not funny.

Actually, bananas used to make my throat itch. But I never died from it as far as I know.

"Used to"? I guess you perfected your deep-thraot technique, eh?

[Elspode]

For some reason, I think I've posted this here before...

30,000 POUNDS OF BANANAS
Harry Chapin


It was just after dark when the truck started down
the hill that leads into Scranton Pennsylvania.
Carrying thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
Carrying thirty thousand pounds (hit it Big John) of bananas.

He was a young driver,
just out on his second job.
And he was carrying the next day's pasty fruits
for everyone in that coal-scarred city
where children play without despair
in backyard slag-piles and folks manage to eat each day
about thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
Yes, just about thirty thousand pounds (scream it again, John) .

He passed a sign that he should have seen,
saying "shift to low gear, a fifty dollar fine my friend."
He was thinking perhaps about the warm-breathed woman
who was waiting at the journey's end.
He started down the two mile drop,
the curving road that wound from the top of the hill.
He was pushing on through the shortening miles that ran down to the depot.
Just a few more miles to go,
then he'd go home and have her ease his long, cramped day away.
and the smell of thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
Yes the smell of thirty thousand pounds of bananas.

He was picking speed as the city spread its twinkling lights below him.
But he paid no heed as the shivering thoughts of the nights
delights went through him.
His foot nudged the brakes to slow him down.
But the pedal floored easy without a sound.
He said "Christ!"
It was funny how he had named the only man who could save him now.
He was trapped inside a dead-end hellslide,
riding on his fear-hunched back
was every one of those yellow green
I'm telling you thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
Yes, there were thirty thousand pounds of bananas.

He barely made the sweeping curve that led into the steepest grade.
And he missed the thankful passing bus at ninety miles an hour.
And he said "God, make it a dream!"
as he rode his last ride down.
And he said "God, make it a dream!"
as he rode his last ride down.
And he sideswiped nineteen neat parked cars,
clipped off thirteen telephone poles,
hit two houses, bruised eight trees,
and Blue-Crossed seven people.
it was then he lost his head,
not to mention an arm or two before he stopped.
And he slid for four hundred yards
along the hill that leads into Scranton, Pennsylvania.
All those thirty thousand pounds of bananas.

You know the man who told me about it on the bus,
as it went up the hill out of Scranton, Pennsylvania,
he shrugged his shoulders, he shook his head,
and he said (and this is exactly what he said)
"Boy that sure must've been something.
Just imagine thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
Yes, there were thirty thousand pounds of mashed bananas.
Of bananas. Just bananas. Thirty thousand pounds.
of Bananas. not no driver now. Just bananas!"

[BigV]

Originally Posted by monster

but what about a passion fruit?

Oui, la petite mort, but it's ok, cause you go to heaven.