Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 195

skysidhe · 09-28-2009, 10:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by capnhowdy

Attachment 24912

So funny it deserves a replay. (oops the picture is missing)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brianna

I pasted and copied them. I will refer to them often! I think they're great!
Each kid gets a copy, too.

I'm glad. They are great!

Even so I must break everyone of those rules.

xoxoxoBruce · 09-29-2009, 01:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by skysidhe

lol @MJ

I found this yesterday. It is a little long but entertaining.

The list was written by William Safire, R.I.P.

skysidhe · 09-29-2009, 08:58 AM

He died on Sunday? I didn't know. I've seen him speak many times.

skysidhe · 09-30-2009, 10:08 AM

stumbled upon these this morning

Nirvana · 09-30-2009, 12:27 PM

Life summarized in 4 bottles...

Crap, I’m already on the third one…!

Pie · 09-30-2009, 12:30 PM

Y'know, it took me a few moments to recognize the soda bottle. I've never had a glass soda bottle, IIRC.

plthijinx · 09-30-2009, 12:35 PM

those 6 oz. cokes are the shit!

classicman · 09-30-2009, 03:33 PM

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n..
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male..... Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n .
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4.. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male........ Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female...... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes...

Nirvana · 09-30-2009, 06:43 PM

* Only in Canada would you see a sign like this!

Read the whole sign

classicman · 10-01-2009, 01:26 AM

Thats a great one Nirvana!

Radar · 10-04-2009, 09:15 PM

Holy crap this is funny! I think it might be a fake, but either way it's hilarious.

SteveDallas · 10-04-2009, 10:27 PM

The explosion was so powerful it turned the lights back on.

lumberjim · 10-04-2009, 11:24 PM

blew the decal right off his shirt

Radar · 10-05-2009, 12:19 AM

I think that was screenprinting, but yep.... still funny.

capnhowdy · 10-05-2009, 07:53 AM

I got a good lesson in minding my own business the other day.
While walking down a side street next to a mental hospital, I heard several people chanting "13...13...13...13...". My curiosity overcame me so I decided to take a look through the 8 foot wooden privacy fence.
While I was listening to the 13...13 chant, I finally found a hole in the fence that I could see through. As I peered inside, some bastard poked me in the eye with a stick.
As I was sulking away, holding my sore eye, I could still hear the chanting coming from the institution. "14...14...14...".

09-30-2009, 10:08 AM	#2914
skysidhe ~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~ Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,828	stumbled upon these this morning Attached Images

09-30-2009, 12:27 PM	#2915
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	Life summarized in 4 bottles... Crap, I’m already on the third one…! Attached Images __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

09-30-2009, 12:30 PM	#2916
Pie Gone and done Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 4,808	Y'know, it took me a few moments to recognize the soda bottle. I've never had a glass soda bottle, IIRC. __________________ per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not.

09-30-2009, 12:35 PM	#2917
plthijinx Master Dwellar Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 4,197	those 6 oz. cokes are the shit! __________________ For your dreams to come true, you must first have a dream.

09-30-2009, 03:33 PM	#2918
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Gender specific Definitions 1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.. Female...... Any part under a car's hood. Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra. 2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male..... Playing football without a cup. 3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n . Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys. 4.. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n. Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family. Male........ Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one. 5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book. Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer. 6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion. Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding. 7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it. 8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Female...... A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes... __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

09-29-2009, 08:58 AM	#2913
skysidhe ~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~ Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,828	He died on Sunday? I didn't know. I've seen him speak many times.

09-30-2009, 06:43 PM	#2919
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	* Only in Canada would you see a sign like this! Read the whole sign Attached Images __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

10-01-2009, 01:26 AM	#2920
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Thats a great one Nirvana! __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

10-04-2009, 09:15 PM	#2921
Radar Constitutional Scholar Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Ocala, FL Posts: 4,006	Holy crap this is funny! I think it might be a fake, but either way it's hilarious. __________________ "I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death." - George Carlin

10-04-2009, 10:27 PM	#2922
SteveDallas Your Bartender Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Philly Burbs, PA Posts: 7,651	The explosion was so powerful it turned the lights back on.

10-04-2009, 11:24 PM	#2923
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	blew the decal right off his shirt __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

10-05-2009, 12:19 AM	#2924
Radar Constitutional Scholar Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Ocala, FL Posts: 4,006	I think that was screenprinting, but yep.... still funny. __________________ "I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death." - George Carlin

10-05-2009, 07:53 AM	#2925
capnhowdy Blatantly Homosapien Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6,200	I got a good lesson in minding my own business the other day. While walking down a side street next to a mental hospital, I heard several people chanting "13...13...13...13...". My curiosity overcame me so I decided to take a look through the 8 foot wooden privacy fence. While I was listening to the 13...13 chant, I finally found a hole in the fence that I could see through. As I peered inside, some bastard poked me in the eye with a stick. As I was sulking away, holding my sore eye, I could still hear the chanting coming from the institution. "14...14...14...". __________________ Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.

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