Humor...I Need Humor...

[capnhowdy]

Will this work with Gentleman Jack?

[Radar]

I'd imagine it works with Jose, Jack, Jim, Johnny, and Ron.

Cuervo
Daniels
Beam
Walker
Bacardi

[Qice]

A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for the food."
The panda yells back, "Hey, man, I'm a panda. Look it up!"
The bartender opens his dictionary to panda: "A tree-climbing mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."

[DanaC]

lol. Ok that made me laugh. Welcome to the Cellar Qice

Incidentally, how is tha pronounced? I know it's not, but I want to say quince....

[Radar]

Pronounced like Quiche? or Kichi? or Keese?

[lumberjim]

I'm saying Kweece.....but it's probably Kwice

[Trilby]

One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides to go golfing. He calls his boss and says that he feels very sick, and won't be able to go to work.

Way up in heaven, Saint Peter sees all this and asks God, ''Are you really going to let him get away with this?''

''No, I guess not,'' says God.

The priest drives about five to six hours away, so he doesn't bump into anyone he knows. The golf course is empty when he gets there. So he takes his first swing, drives the ball 495 yards away and gets a hole in one.

Saint Peter watches in disbelief and asks, '' Why did you let him do that?''

To this God says, ''Who's he going to tell?''

[classicman]

HOL @ Bri

[chrisinhouston]

Originally Posted by Nirvana

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyIndianapolis.

When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.......

This isn't so far-fetched which is pretty scary! My wife was helping a part time employee over the phone with setting up a log-in password at a remote site she was at. She needed to come up with an 8 character password and the part timer asked my wife if the F2 key could count for 2 of the characters. My wife said no and then the lady said, "Well if that won't work what about 'TAB', can that count as 3 characters?"

I kid you not!

[dar512]

Many (most?) people who use computers, don't understand computers.

I am constantly amazed at the number of people that have been using computers for years and yet don't have a clue about the hierarchical file/folder structure of their hard drives.

[classicman]

Originally Posted by dar512

Many (most?) people who use computers, don't understand computers.

Sadly, I will admit I am in this group.

[Qice]

Originally Posted by lumberjim

I'm saying Kweece.....but it's probably Kwice

LJ wins - it's Kwice
And thanks for the welcome!

[Qice]

The couple was 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies. And, though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last three decades.
One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their car crashed, sending them off to Heaven. They reached the Pearly Gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes, freshly pressed, in the closet.
They gasped in astonishment when he said, "Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now." The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "Why, nothing," Peter replied, "remember, this is your reward in Heaven."
The old man looked out the window and saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever-built on Earth. "What are the green fees?" grumbled the old man. "This is heaven," St. Peter replied. "You can play for free, every day - any starting time you wish."
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages and a fountain of champagne. "Don't even ask," said St. Peter to the couple. "This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy." The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?" he asked.
"That's the best part," St. Peter replied. "You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!" The old man pushed, "No gym to work out at?" "Not unless you want to," was the answer. "No testing my sugar or blood pressure or..." "Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself."
The old man glared at his wife and said, "You and your fucking fat-free bran muffins. We could have been here twenty years ago you bitch!"

[Nirvana]

Daddy, how was I born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'
The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:









'You got Male!

[Nirvana]

> > 1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.
> > (Kelly, age 6)
> >
> > 2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)
> >
> > 3) - If you are surrounded by ocean you are an Island .
> > If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent.
> > ( Wayne , age 7)
> >
> > 4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just
> > like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend any more.
> > (Kylie, age 6)
> >
> > 5) - A dolphin breathes through an asshole on the top of
> > its head. (Billy, age 8)
> >
> > 6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a
> > woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)
> >
> >
> > 7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds
> > to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow
> > the sailors would whistle to make the wind come.
> > My brother said they would have been better off
> > eating beans. (William, age 7)
> >
> > 8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids.
> > They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on
> > earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really (Helen, age 6)
> >
> > 9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby
> > brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my
> > Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't
> > think what to write. (Amy, age 6)
> >
> > 10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting.
> > Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in
> > caves under the sea where I think they have to plug
> > themselves into chargers. (Christopher, age 7)
> >
> > 11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very
> > cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)
> >
> > 12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the
> > water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go
> > down on each other. (Becky, age 8)
> >
> > 13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off
> > when she was going very fast. She says she won't do
> > it again because water fired right up her big fat ass.
> > (Julie, age 7)
> >
> > 14)-The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the
> > fish don't drown I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)
> >
> > 15)-My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all
> > about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit
> > being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)