Humor...I Need Humor...

[GunMaster357]

THe other day, I was walking down the street when I saw a guy coming out of a well known brothel. Just as he started to walk, he crossed himself.

Out of curiosity, I went to him asking "Mister, you just made the sign of the Cross. Do you feel guilty about what you did where you were ?"

"Not at all" was he answered "I was just checking myself"

"My hat" touching his head
"My zipper" touching his crotch
"My wallet" left chest pocket
"My glasses" right chest pocket

[Clodfobble]

That's not a joke, that's really how I learned it as a kid (for a play in which all characters were Catholics, not because I was one myself .)

"Spectacles, testicles, watch, wallet."

[classicman]

Originally Posted by GunMaster357

The other day, I was walking down the street when I saw a guy coming out of a well known brothel. Just as he started to walk, he crossed himself.

Out of curiosity, I went to him asking "Mister, you just made the sign of the Cross. Do you feel guilty about what you did where you were ?"

"Not at all" was he answered "I was just checking myself"

"My hat" touching his head
"My zipper" touching his crotch
"My wallet" left chest pocket
"My glasses" right chest pocket

I learned it as
Spectacles
Testicles
Watch
Wallet.

[plthijinx]

Or the priest and rabbi on the jet that had engine trouble...
Spectacles
Testicals
Money
And cigars

[Nirvana]

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THE WISDOM OF OUR GOVERNMENTAL AGENCIES????????

Part of rebuilding New Orleans caused residents often to be
challenged with the task of tracing home titles back
potentially hundreds of years.
With a community rich with history stretching back over two
centuries, houses have been passed along through
generations of family, sometimes making it quite difficult
to establish ownership. Here's a great letter an attorney
wrote to the FHA on behalf of a client:








You have to love this lawyer........


A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client.
He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove
satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as
collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803,
which took the lawyer three months to track down. After
sending the information to the FHA, he received the
following reply.



(Actual reply from FHA):
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan
application, we note that the request is supported by an
Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in
which you have prepared and presented the application, we
must point out that you have only cleared title to the
proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final
approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the
title back to its origin."



Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:
(Actual response):

"Your letter regarding title in Case No.189156 has been received.
I note that you wish to have title extended further than the
206 years covered by the present application. I was unaware
that any educated person in this country, particularly those
working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana
was purchased by the United States from France in 1803, the
year of origin identified in our application. For the
edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the
land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which
had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land
came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made
in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher
Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a
new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Queen Isabella. The good Queen Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about
titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the
blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance
Columbus's expedition.
Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus
Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted,
created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to
presume that God also made that part of the world called
Louisiana . God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and
His origins date back to before the beginning of time, the
world as we know it, and the FHA. I hope you find God's
original claim to be satisfactory.
Now, may we have our xxxx loan?"


The loan was immediately approved

[classicman]

That's beautiful.

[glatt]

And then they fainted.

[BigV]

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

That's not a joke, that's really how I learned it as a kid (for a play in which all characters were Catholics, not because I was one myself .)

"Spectacles, testicles, watch, wallet."

curious, Clod...

just exactly where do you reach to check your testicles...?

[footfootfoot]

Originally Posted by Nirvana

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THE WISDOM OF OUR GOVERNMENTAL AGENCIES?

Very funny and about 30 years old too.

[Clodfobble]

Originally Posted by BigV

curious, Clod...

just exactly where do you reach to check your testicles...?

In my fanny pack, of course.

[footfootfoot]

What do you call a frozen exam?

A testicle.

(I'll be here all week)

[Sheldonrs]

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

...(I'll be here all week)

As a bus boy.

[BigV]

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

In my fanny pack, of course.

And *this* is what sprang immediately to mind....



Basil's reply at 5:50... he's not speaking Mr Clod's lines, is he?

[plthijinx]

Originally Posted by BigV

And *this* is what sprang immediately to mind....



Awesome V! And no need wash spewed on this post. Dyac!

Basil's reply at 5:50... he's not speaking Mr Clod's lines, is he?

[Spexxvet]

A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach, when
suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the
Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I
will grant you one wish."


The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride
over anytime I want."


The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic! Think of the enormous
challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching
the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It
will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is
hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little
more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."



The biker thought about it for a long time.



Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand
women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when
she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when
she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."




The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge