Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 290

classicman · 12-14-2011, 02:34 PM

One for Flint...

HungLikeJesus · 12-14-2011, 05:59 PM

It all began with an iPhone...

March was when our son celebrated his 17th birthday, and we got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn't?

I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.

Our daughter's birthday was in August so we got her an iPod Touch.

.
.
.
My wife celebrated her birthday in September so I got her an iRon.

Ibby · 12-14-2011, 06:29 PM

images are broken at least on my end hlj. the joke holds up but theres just little broken jpg boxes.

HungLikeJesus · 12-14-2011, 07:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ibram

images are broken at least on my end hlj. the joke holds up but theres just little broken jpg boxes.

Sorry, I copied it directly out of an e-mail. I see the images, but maybe they're linked on my computer somehow.

The only important one is the last one. Let me know if this works:

monster · 12-14-2011, 09:03 PM

oh, the iRony

Flint · 12-16-2011, 02:30 PM

The iRoning is delicious.

Nirvana · 12-16-2011, 03:28 PM

Name: spotmebro.jpg
Views: 458
Size: 14.4 KB

Gravdigr · 12-16-2011, 03:49 PM

THE SCOTTISH COW.

The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk. Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Scotland quite cheaply. So, they brought the cow over from Scotland. It was absolutely wonderful, it produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy. They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull, and he was never able to do the deed.

The people were very upset and decided to go to the Vet, who was very wise, to tell him what was happening and ask his advice. "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side."

The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Scotland ?"

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Scotland.

"You are truly a wise Vet," they said.

"How did you know we got the cow from Scotland ?

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye:

"My wife is from Scotland"

BigV · 12-16-2011, 04:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by glatt

Explaining a joke is one of the worst feelings in the world.

You get used to it.

Please don't ask me to explain.

TheMercenary · 12-17-2011, 08:26 AM

These are great! Best lost and found posters.

[link removed]

HungLikeJesus · 12-17-2011, 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheMercenary

These are great! Best lost and found posters.

[link removed]

That site gave me a virus - on my work computer. You might want to delete the link.

TheMercenary · 12-17-2011, 01:25 PM

Holy shit! I didn't get anything on mine. But it is an apple. Sorry about that.

HungLikeJesus · 12-17-2011, 01:41 PM

I thought my work firewall would protect against such things, but I guess not.

BigV · 12-17-2011, 05:17 PM

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat miner.

Gravdigr · 12-17-2011, 06:08 PM

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover.. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then he married the one with the biggest boobs.

Men are like that, you know.

12-14-2011, 02:34 PM	#4336
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	One for Flint... Attached Images __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

12-14-2011, 05:59 PM	#4337
HungLikeJesus Only looks like a disaster tourist Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: above 7,000 feet Posts: 7,208	It all began with an iPhone... March was when our son celebrated his 17th birthday, and we got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn't? I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad. Our daughter's birthday was in August so we got her an iPod Touch. . . . My wife celebrated her birthday in September so I got her an iRon. __________________ Keep Your Bodies Off My Lawn SteveDallas's Random Thread Picker.

12-14-2011, 06:29 PM	#4338
Ibby erika Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: "the high up north" Posts: 6,127	images are broken at least on my end hlj. the joke holds up but theres just little broken jpg boxes. __________________ not really back, you didn't see me, i was never here shhhhhh

12-14-2011, 09:03 PM	#4340
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	oh, the iRony __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

12-16-2011, 02:30 PM	#4341
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	The iRoning is delicious. __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

12-16-2011, 03:28 PM	#4342
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	__________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

12-16-2011, 03:49 PM	#4343
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	THE SCOTTISH COW. The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk. Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Scotland quite cheaply. So, they brought the cow over from Scotland. It was absolutely wonderful, it produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy. They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again. They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull, and he was never able to do the deed. The people were very upset and decided to go to the Vet, who was very wise, to tell him what was happening and ask his advice. "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side." The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Scotland ?" The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Scotland. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow from Scotland ? The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye: "My wife is from Scotland" __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

12-17-2011, 08:26 AM	#4345
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	These are great! Best lost and found posters. [link removed] __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012! Last edited by glatt; 12-17-2011 at 05:41 PM. Reason: reported vrus at link

12-17-2011, 01:25 PM	#4347
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	Holy shit! I didn't get anything on mine. But it is an apple. Sorry about that. __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

12-17-2011, 01:41 PM	#4348
HungLikeJesus Only looks like a disaster tourist Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: above 7,000 feet Posts: 7,208	I thought my work firewall would protect against such things, but I guess not. __________________ Keep Your Bodies Off My Lawn SteveDallas's Random Thread Picker.

12-17-2011, 05:17 PM	#4349
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat miner. __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

12-17-2011, 06:08 PM	#4350
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money. The first does a total makeover.. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed. The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed. The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed. The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her. Then he married the one with the biggest boobs. Men are like that, you know. __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

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