More bad karma. Or something.

[limey]

Just reading this thread for the first time (been away in no-innernet-land). Good luck Ortho! Listen to Bri, keep well and upbeat. Sending positive vibes from across the water. x

[orthodoc]

@ Bruce ... thanks! There's one I especially love: 'Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo Cancer'. Think I'll get that one.

@ Zen and glatt ... you're right, I didn't try to 'manage' the message, just modeled it on the 'how to give bad news' model from school: Give the facts briefly. Wait. Add concrete information as to the next steps. Rinse. Repeat with next family member. It went okay. And there was some unexpected humor here and there, which is golden.

@ limey ... thanks! I appreciate your good wishes. I am indeed listening to and taking Bri's excellent advice.

@griff, clod, ali, footfootfoot, Dana, and others whose names I am NOT intentionally leaving out ... thanks much. One day at a time, and today was a good day. Found out some of my test results are generally favorable for treatment options. Very encouraging!

[Griff]

I'm glad!

[glatt]

Well, that's good news, at least.

[footfootfoot]

We could make a cellar specific "Kick cancer in the taco." shirt too, I suppose.

[DanaC]

Give cancer the cunt punt? Cunt punt a cancer today?

I dunno...it needs work :p

Ortho: good news on the test results

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by orthodoc

Found out some of my test results are generally favorable for treatment options. Very encouraging!

[BigV]

fuck yeah fuck cancer!

[orthodoc]

One step forward, five steps back ... phone call from the oncologist today says they all went over the pathology again and want to add an addendum saying it's not as bad as it looked at first glance (but this doesn't fill me with confidence - did it take the entire team to convince themselves of this? Why didn't it look medium-bad at first glance instead of severely-bad?). Okay, it's good news.

Then he tells me the surgeon and plastic surgeon think they can get together in the same OR with me in ... OCTOBER. Fucking OCTOBER!!! That's oh, 3 months post-diagnosis. Maybe there'll be lots of little positive nodes to keep them busy then, maybe even a liver or brain met to make their day exciting ...

I lost it. I burst into tears on the phone. I have now cried twice on this man, this oncologist, and I haven't cried on anyone else so far; only by myself. He's going to think I'm a nutcase. I told him the national average 'wait' for breast cancer surgery is one month and WVU tries to do better, so what is this? Does no one at WVU get reconstruction done? He was very nice, he's honestly a great guy, and he said he'd call other surgeons in town and see what could be done. But now I don't know ... do I call UPMC? Call my insurance and see how much it'll cost to go out of network? Screw it, borrow money and pay cash somewhere out of state? Yet I have to keep working here. I can't quit or I'll lose my chance at writing Boards (which I need in order to be employable in future).

All this delay also promises to scuttle my MPH. The university is totally rigid with dates for dropping courses. If I have chemo and it spans both first and second semesters (because it doesn't start until November, with an October surgery), thereby scuttling both, I won't be able to make it up and I'll be out of the program. Meaning I won't graduate my residency, won't be able to write my Boards, and won't be employable on the other side of all this (assuming there IS an other side). The more delay, the better the chance that I'm screwed.

And ... one more big lousy karma turd falling on me ... not only have several of my 'friends' bailed after a quick 'so sorry', but a guy I was seeing - as a friend, no big relationship, but someone I liked and was willing to just go along and see what happened ... I let him know how things were looking last week, before I got the path report, and ... silence. He's gone to radio silence. Wtf, I only wanted to be friends, and friends ... at least say 'so sorry' before they bail. I wasn't even worth a 'so sorry but I can't deal with this'?

These men who sing sad songs on videos about waiting on a woman and having their hearts broken and all that? I haven't met any. I just ... I don't know. I know others are having a hard time, I don't want to give offense. I just don't know why I've never run across any of these nice, normal men. If they were all in happy, fulfilling relationships I'd be happy just to know they existed, it'd restore some of my confidence in the human race.

[footfootfoot]

Well that's a big fat pile of shitto suckfest.

While we're fucking cancer can we fuck that school's rigid policy?

There seems to be a deep irony there, Ortho. Enough almost to drive you into the arms of homeopathy...

[Clodfobble]

Sorry, ortho.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by orthodoc

The university is totally rigid with dates for dropping courses. If I have chemo and it spans both first and second semesters (because it doesn't start until November, with an October surgery), thereby scuttling both, I won't be able to make it up and I'll be out of the program. Meaning I won't graduate my residency, won't be able to write my Boards, and won't be employable on the other side of all this (assuming there IS an other side). The more delay, the better the chance that I'm screwed.

That sounds like a violation of the Americans With Disabilities Act, to me.

I let him know how things were looking last week, before I got the path report, and ... silence. He's gone to radio silence. Wtf, I only wanted to be friends, and friends ... at least say 'so sorry' before they bail. I wasn't even worth a 'so sorry but I can't deal with this'?

Are you sure he felt the same way, and not more serious intentions? Did you tell him before you went to cowgirl camp? Since you haven't communicated you really don't know what he's thinking, you may have blown his mind and he's trying to figure out what to do. I'm just speculating here, just saying it's not black and white... it's never black and white.

These men who sing sad songs on videos about waiting on a woman and having their hearts broken and all that? I haven't met any.

Wait, weren't you married until just recently? That makes it a little awkward for random guys to prove their devotion.

...nice, normal men.

Bwahahahahahahaha Normal, what the hell is that?

...If they were all in happy, fulfilling relationships I'd be happy just to know they existed, it'd restore some of my confidence in the human race.

I've got more faith in the human race than I do in happy, fulfilling relationships, but that's a variable depending on an individual's definition of said same.
The only thing I can promise you is we here in the Cellar will stick by you no matter what.
Fuck cancer.

[Trilby]

"The only thing I can promise you is we here in the Cellar will stick by you no matter what," - xoxoxobruce.

We are here for you, ortho. I know it's cyberspace, but we WILL help you get thru this.

School/boards - it is what it is.
the surgery date? - it can be tweaked.
Men? - your hormones/emotional state are in a storm. YOU are in a storm. Things are going to look more bleak than they actually are. You will come out of it. YOU WILL. One foot in front of the other, do what you can and what you can't do - give it up to the Universe.

Do you know the serenity prayer? yeah, it's corny, but it's helped even me and I'm a right old bitch sometimes.

[footfootfoot]

...nice, normal men...

"Abby someone."
"Abby someone. Abby who?"
"Abby... Normal."
"Abby Normal?"
"I'm almost sure that was the name."

[limey]

Fuckity fuckington McFuckshite. Ortho, I'm on the team here rooting for you all the way. I do think you're entitled to cry. On anyone at all. And especially on an oncologist bearing news, of any sort whatsoever. I say again - listen to Bri, and lean on us all. We're here for you, all around the world.