Ode to spring...

[Ocean's Edge]

In honour that its finally beginning to look a little springlike around here - I wrote this parody this morning.... it's dreadful, it doesn't entirely rhyme, it only mostly scans.... but it's my opus to springtime

The Dog-Mom Who Stole Springtime
Every dog
Down in Arthcwtch
Liked springtime a lot .....

But the Mom.
Who cleaned up the Arthcwtch
Did NOT!

The Mom hated Spring, the whole springy season
Now please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason
It could be her sinuses weren't screwed on quite right
It could be perhaps that her wellies were too tight
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that her mop was two sizes too small

But,
Whatever the reason,
Her head or her mop
She stood there one spring morning, hating the dogs
Staring down at her floor, with an uncaffinated frown
As the dogs all came in and all went to town,
For she knew every dog from the kennels outside
Were busy now gallomphing inside

"They're all soaking wet!" she snarled with a sneer
"Tomorrow more rain! Damn it's always here!"
Then she growled, with her mom fingers nervously drumming
"I must find a way to stop this from coming!"
For tomorrow she knew..........

All the dog girls and boys
Would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their doors
And then! Oh the mud! Oh, the mud! mud! mud! mud!
That's one thing she hated! The MUD! MUD! MUD! MUD!

Then the dogs, young and old, would sit down to a feast.
And they'd feast! And they'd feast!
And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They'd start with the kibble, and then well dried liver treats
Which was something the Mom couldn't stand in the least!

And THEN
They'd do something she liked least of all!
Every dog down in Arthcwtch, the tall and the small,
They'd stand close together, when the door bells were ringing
They'd stand on the windowsills and the dogs would start woofing

And they'd woof! And they'd woof!
And they'd WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF!
And the more the Mom thought of this dog woofing thing
The more the mom thought "I must stop this whole thing"
"Why for more than five years I've put up with it now"
I must stop this springtime from coming!
...But HOW?"

Then she got an idea!
An awful idea!
The Mom
GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

"I know just what to do!" The Mom laughed in her throat.
And she made a quick rain hat and a coat
And she chuckled and clucked, "What a great Mommy trick!"
"With this coat and this hat, the mud won't be so thick!"

"All I need is an umbrella..."
The Mom looked around.
But since umbrellas are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the Mom...?
No! The Mom simply said,
"If I can't find an umbrella, I'll make one instead!"
So she called the dog Kilo. Then she took some red thread
And he tied a big sheet over top of her head.

THEN
She loaded some bags
And some old empty sacks
On a ramshakle wagon
And she dragged out poor Kilo.

Then the Mom said, "Giddyap!"
And the wagon started down
Toward the garage where the dogs
Lay a-snooze in their beds

All their windows were dark. Quiet rain filled the air.
All the dogs were all dreaming sweet dreams without care
When she came to the first bed in the square.
"This is stop number one," The old Mommy hissed
And she stepped over one dog, empty bags in her fist.

Then she slid the burlap sack over one smaller dog.
A little bit tricky, what with 4 feets and a tail
It got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then she stuck his head out of the little sack coat
When the little dogs were all covered in a row.
"These little mutters," she grinned, "will be first things to go!"

Then she slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and she covered every one present!
Pyr/BCs! And Newfies! Rat dogs! and mutts!
And she covered them in bags. Then the Mom, (not right in her head),
Covered even the cats, one by one, in their beds!

Then she slunk round the cars. She took the dogs' feast!
She took the kibble! She took the liver treats!
She cleaned out that garage as quick as a flash.
Why, that Mom even took their dog sleeping mats!

Then she stuffed all the food in the fridge with glee.
"And NOW!" grinned the Mom, "I will wash up the three!"

And the Mom grabbed the three, and she started to push
When she heard a small sound like the rumble of a musher.
She turned around fast, and he saw a small dog!
Little Pippin pup, who was now more than seven.

The Mom had been caught by this little old dog
Who'd got out of bed for a drink of cold water.
He stared at the Mom and said, "Mommy, why?,
"Why are you taking our sleeping mats? WHY?"

But, you know, that Mommy was so smart and so slick
She thought up a lie, and she thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet little pup," the Mommy lied,
"There's a loose thread on this mat, that will trip you up.
"So I'm taking it inside to my workshop, my pup.
"I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."

And her fib fooled the pup. They're not very bright
And she got him a drink and she sent him to bed.
And when Pippin pup went to bed with his bone,
She went to the mats and stuffed them right up!

Then the last thing she took
Was the stuffed sheep for their tugging.
Then she went out of the garage herself the old liar.
On their walls she left nothing but hooks, and some wire.

And the one speck of food
She left in the garage
Was an old cookie crumb that was just sweet potato.

It was quarter past dawn...
All the dogs, still a-bed
All the dogs, still a-snooze
When she packed up her wagon,
Packed it up with their mats! The bowls and the buckets!
The toys! And the stuffies! The smelly old socks!

Up to the laundry she went with her haul,
Into the machine she piled it all
"Pooh-pooh to the dogs!" she was mom-ish-ly humming.
"They're finding out now that no springtime is coming!
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
"The all the dogs down in the garage will all cry whoo whoooooooooo!"

"That's a noise," grinned the Mom,
"That I simply must hear!"
So she paused. And the Mom put a hand to her ear.
And she did hear a sound rising over the rain.
It started in low. Then it started to gain...

But the sound wasn't sad!
Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so!
But it WAS merry! VERY!

She stared down at the dogs!
The Mom popped her eyes!
Then she shook!
What she saw was a shocking surprise!

Every dog down in Arthcwtch, the tall and the small,
Was still blessed muddy, without rain at all!
She HADN'T stopped spring from coming!
IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the Mom, with her Mom feet quiet wet in her wellies
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "What the HELL?
It came without mats! It came without treats!
"It came without stuffies, kibbles or meats!"
And she puzzled three hours, `till her puzzler was sore.
Then the Mom thought of something she hadn't before!
"Maybe springtime," she thought, "doesn't come from a store.
"Maybe springtime...perhaps...means a little bit more!"

And what happened then...?
Well...in Arthcwtch they say
That the Mom's small mop
Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute her mop cleaned a little bit more,
She whizzed with her cleaning in the bright morning light
And she brought back the stuffies, the mats and the feast!
And she...

...SHE HERSELF...!
The Mom made liver treats!

[DanaC]

*applauds* Encore!

[xoxoxoBruce]

[Gravdigr]

What the fuck is an Arthcwtch?

[Ocean's Edge]

It's a bear den.... home of the bears ... the cubby hole under the stairs where a bear can hide... a bear hug .... a safe place.