What is pissing you off this time?

[DanaC]

It is hard to remain glum if you're watching Barrowman in tights.

[Aliantha]

Sundae, i know where you're coming from. I might post more about the week leading up to christkas in our house, but lng story short, sometimes it seems pointless trying. I am personally trying to pull myself up by my bhootstrps about it all, but its fucking hard.

Just keep on going. It will pass. Xxx

[Sundae]

As it's turned out, things have improved.
Of course they do.
Although just coming up here, I can hear grumble-mumbles starting up again.

Ali, I hope things improve for you.
Sometimes things don't go after all from bad to worse.

[Aliantha]

There will need to be some big changes around here if things are to improve. Anyway, thats life. Some things just go to shit.

[Clodfobble]

Dammit.

Sundae, Ali, neither freaking one of you is going to do yourself in. Because I said so. We love both of you, and we are here for both of you, and that will always be true no matter how horrible real life gets. Remember how sad we were when we lost Claudette? Remember how happy we were when morethanpretty's mom was lucky enough to save her? Don't fall into the trap of believing that things will always be exactly the way they are now. Things always change. Life always goes to shit at times, and always improves at other times. We'll see you through it.

[glatt]

Amen, Clodfobble.

We'd miss you very much if you were gone, ladies.

[Griff]

Clod and Glatt said it best. I'm just agreeing and tagging along.

[Gravdigr]

Dammit, I'm starving.

[monster]

Originally Posted by Sundae

Merry Christmas hohoho.
Dad was drunk last night. So Dad fell over last night.
Dad falls over plenty sober, but if he's drunk it gives Mum an excuse to be a real bitch.

She's making him clean up all the blood this morning.

Yesterday's special phrase was about the fact he has to take tablets 30 minutes before he can eat in the morning. She didn't like the fact that he went to the toilet before taking them, "I don't care if you shit all over the floor, just take the tablets before I get up." Because waiting an extra five minutes for breakfast is really horrible.

Today's special phrase, "Do you remember what that was for? No? No of course you don't. I made you piss in that because I couldn't let you out of the bedroom. I'm not having any of my colleagues in the Ambulance Service [which she left 20 years ago] have to come out to you."

Oh and she's just said to their cat, "If you don't like it you can go and live elsewhere." Which is an odd thing to say to a cat. I think I might get the message... despite not saying a bloody word about any of this because hohohomerrychristmas I know how this day goes every single bloody year.

So much for making things easier by not having a roast.
It seems it isn't the roast that's the problem.
What can I take off the list next year? Oh, me. Not because I've been a problem. Yet. But so that I don't have to hear it again. I'll just join Claudette.

Sundae, you seem to be able to accept your father's oddities as age-related issues without too much pain -maybe because he has an alzeimers diagnosis?. I beg you to consider that -although you and your mum have not always seen eye to eye- her recent oddities may not just be due to her being a bitch, but may also be age-related. Most people become less tolerant and less flexible as they age. Many also become less rational. mostly without official diagnoses.

To me -an outsider- --and not a medical doctor-- the behavior you describe screams aging over being a bitch. if you add aging to being a bitch........

I suspect most of us are fortunate enough not to witness this close-up in our parents so it is not a widely discussed phenomenon, but I bet it's not unusual.

I also suspect that a little of your father's vagueness may not be as much about his deficiencies as about his coping mechanisms.....

just my tuppenceworth.

[monster]

Sorry, meant to summarise that if you can consider it from this viewpoint, maybe it will be more tolerable? Especially if you can then extrapolate from her treatment of your dad to her treatment of you?

[Sundae]

I do logically understand that she has an emotional reaction to my Dad's illness that I don't have.
In the same way I have an emotional reaction to her that neither of my siblings do.
So if I can learn to work more on dealing with my own emotions things would be easier all round.

And seeing the changes in her as something she has nearly as little control over as my Dad does over his illness has got be be worth a try.

Trying to deal with it without alcohol does make things harder.
Long term that has only ever exacerbated the problem, but short term it was damn good at aiding & abetting hiding, sleeping and shutting things out.

I scamper off to Scotland on Thursday. I think Mum and I are both holding out until then.

[Griff]

Originally Posted by monster

Most people become less tolerant and less flexible as they age. Many also become less rational. mostly without official diagnoses.

My Dad was always pretty easy going maybe to the point of being disengaged. He never seemed to harbor ill will towards anybody. He was the kind of retired Marine who enjoyed picking up hippy hitch-hikers. Since Mom's death, I've watched him transform into this sometimes very angry person. Last night he slipped into a new mode, straight up racism. Sometimes I think its more about Mom not being there to rein him in, but disease, Rush Limbaugh, the Church, and the goddamn cultures wars are part of it as well.

[Gravdigr]

That goddamned four-wheeling little bitch across the street. 5 fucking degrees. FIVE! And she's out there in the yard, in an eighth of an inch of snow running that loud fucking piece of shit around and around and around and around and around the fucking place. I hope she breaks her fucking leg.

This is the only reason, and the only time I wish I had a kid.

"Come here Susie. See that little girl over there, go kick her ass for Daddy."

I'd go do it myself, but, the way the last few weeks have gone, she'd probably kick my ass.

Catnapper's wife called the police back in the fall, cuz of the noise, and was told there was nothing the cops could do before 11pm. Great. Cuz little girl's parents like to cook out. A lot. We'll suffer til spring, then see how they like Roy Acuff, Jimmy Rodgers, and David Allan Coe blasting directly at them through my soon-to-be-outside-in-the-front-yard 1000 watt stereo system.

Ugliness. I izzit.

[Gravdigr]

If I haven't forgotten by then.

[Gravdigr]

And the next motherfucking hand that turns my fucking heat down is getting chopped the fuck off. There WILL be one room in this motherfucker over 70 degrees if I have set this house on fire.