Funny/Embarrassing things they say

[Lola Bunny]

Sitting here listening to my nephew do his homework. He asks out loud, "What causes drought? What causes drought?" No one answers. "How much water does a cow drink?" My sister goes over to him to see what he's doing. She sees that he answered the reason for California's drought is because the cows drank all water. Hmmm.....

[footfootfoot]

In the car ready to drive somewhere.

mm: I brushed my teeth but forgot to comb my hair.
f3: I combed my hair but forgot to brush my teeth.
mm (muttering): Oh my god, your breath is going to smell disgusting.

[Lola Bunny]

She's right, you know. Your breath would smell disgusting.

[footfootfoot]

Just heard a student say to her classmate, "Hashtag, go fuck yourself"

[glatt]

[footfootfoot]

I could put this in the proud parent brag thread, or the humor thread, but it's here.

The mm invented her first joke today:

"What does Mickey Mouse drive?"

"A Minnie van."

She says it's her own.

[BardoXV]

My kids are all grown up and have their own kids, so this will have to be about the grandkids.

My younger daughter has 2 children and I've been taking care of them since the first on was born 8+ years ago. Just before the younger one got out of diapers (her idea) she came over to me one day and said "I pooped". I checked her by smelling close to her back side and she smelled like she had pooped, so I picked her up and said "lets go back to your room and I'll change you". She was all in agreement and went right along with it. we got back to her room, I took off her pants and then undid her diaper. It was clean and dry, and she immediately started crawling arround on the bed laughing and saying "That Funny".

[Undertoad]

nice, and welcome Bardo.

[BardoXV]

Originally Posted by Undertoad

nice, and welcome Bardo.

Thankyou, I did mention that my younger daughter has 2 children that I have been taking care of since right after they were born, so that my daughter and the father could work. One day right after the girl was born we were in the car, I was taking the father to work, and the conversation got around to some of the food he liked. I asked him where it came from and he answered "The grocery store." I mentioned that before that it comes from a farm, he disagreed and insisted that it came from the grocery store. So I asked him where the grocery store got it. He thought for a few seconds and then said, "It's too far away, you can't see it".

[Aliantha]

How do you actually feel about your son in law? Haha. Your daughter knows about farms though right?

[BardoXV]

Originally Posted by Aliantha

How do you actually feel about your son in law? Haha. Your daughter knows about farms though right?

Sorry, that was my grandson at about 5 years old who made that comment. I see now that I wasn't very clear on that point. My son-in-law thought that what his son said was very funny,

[Aliantha]

Oh excellent. I feel much better about the future for your grandkids now. Haha

[Clodfobble]

While playing a videogame together:

Stepson: Look out, those zombies are coming after us...
Minifob: Only because we're destroying their habitat!

[Sundae]

Watched the Tour de France go through Otley today. Merveilleux.
I was right outside my front door and next to a family with a couple of small children.
Before the race, le caravane goes through, throwing treats and favours into the crowds.

I imagine that in some places it goes through at almost walking pace, but in Otley it went through at (a guess) about 50mph - well above the usual speed limit, but of course the roads are completely closed. Some vans/ lorries/ floats had large cut-away sections which would have made handing out large items safe at lower speeds. We only got tiny things flung from the back of cars.

I caught some mini bags of Haribo, some wristbands and an inflatable pillow (actually that hit the side of my face) and duly handed them over to the children, because that was part of the fun of it.

The littlest girl was on her Daddy's shoulders. Both her parents asked her for reports as to what was coming next along the road, as she had the best view.

Suddenly she screamed out "OMG! [saying the letters] it's a Fruit Shoot!"
This is a fruit based drink aimed at children.
She could barely contain herself, happier at the Fruit Shoot vehicle with an enormous bottle on top than anything Tour-related. I think if a fully costumed Disney procession had gone past she couldn't have been happier. Which did make me smile.

Anyway, after about three flavours went by and nothing had been thrown, she was so disappointed.
Her Mum said, "No pet, they were going too fast, it would have been dangerous."

"Ask the lady" came the reply, "I bet she got some."

Her Mum felt the need to apologise but I was already pretty giggly and had to laugh.
There is a little girl somewhere in Yorkshire tonight who thinks I am either a great goalie, or a mean Fruit-Shoot stealer.
Or both.

[Griff]

Love it! Any other Tour Tales?