Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 30

wolf · 03-09-2005, 03:35 PM

I understand there were particular procedures and documentation necessary to change lightbulbs in The Third Reich. My grandfather still has his Glübirnenändernschein, and it's signed by Hitler.

404Error · 03-09-2005, 04:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolf

I understand there were particular procedures and documentation necessary to change lightbulbs in The Third Reich. My grandfather still has his Glübirnenändernschein, and it's signed by Hitler.

Are you sure Glübirnenändernschein is spelled correctly? I can't seem to find that word in Dictionary.com.

The Google translation tool result is Gluebirnenaendernschein, which leads me to believe the word is spelled incorrectly.

cjjulie · 03-09-2005, 05:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 404Error

Are you sure Glübirnenändernschein is spelled correctly? I can't seem to find that word in Dictionary.com.

The Google translation tool result is Gluebirnenaendernschein, which leads me to believe the word is spelled incorrectly.

Well, I bet his light bulb went out during the spelling.....

wolf · 03-09-2005, 05:06 PM

note for the Germanically impaired (and why I was laughing too hard to post anything else)

404 has made an excellently funny joke.

In German, vowels with an umlaut (that's the two dots over the U and A in our example) are spelled out as [letter]e if you don't have an output device (when I learned about them, typewriter) with the special characters. In short, he spelled it exactly the same way I did. :high five:

xoxoxoBruce · 03-09-2005, 05:11 PM

OK, but what the hell is it??

mrnoodle · 03-09-2005, 05:29 PM

an opportunity to make a joke about the German sense of humor?

xoxoxoBruce · 03-09-2005, 05:30 PM

That's an oxymoron. :p

cjjulie · 03-09-2005, 06:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolf

note for the Germanically impaired (and why I was laughing too hard to post anything else)

404 has made an excellently funny joke.

In German, vowels with an umlaut (that's the two dots over the U and A in our example) are spelled out as [letter]e if you don't have an output device (when I learned about them, typewriter) with the special characters. In short, he spelled it exactly the same way I did. :high five:

is excellently really a word?

Clodfobble · 03-09-2005, 06:52 PM

Yes.

xoxoxoBruce · 03-09-2005, 07:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cjjulie

is excellently really a word?

Excellency? Of course! People quite often refer to me as.....oh....excellently.........nevermind.

BigV · 03-17-2005, 07:17 PM

A wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We do not have money for food," the poor man replied.

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house" the lawyer said.

"Sir, I have a wife and two children with me."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also." The second man then, in a pitiful voice said, "Sir, I also have a wife and we have six children with us!"

"Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine. Once underway, one poor fellow turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You will love my place. The grass is almost a foot high."

cjjulie · 03-17-2005, 09:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

Excellency? Of course! People quite often refer to me as.....oh....excellently.........nevermind.

EXCELLENT

Pi · 03-27-2005, 12:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolf

note for the Germanically impaired (and why I was laughing too hard to post anything else)

404 has made an excellently funny joke.

In German, vowels with an umlaut (that's the two dots over the U and A in our example) are spelled out as [letter]e if you don't have an output device (when I learned about them, typewriter) with the special characters. In short, he spelled it exactly the same way I did. :high five:

Yes, but... do be germanly correct : Glühbirnenändernschein should it be. But they wouldn't write it like that but certainly Glühbirnenänderungsschein (or, because it's very hip to use abreviations nowadays Glübiänds)

Guyute · 03-27-2005, 09:33 PM

**Spanish Cuisine**

An American tourist visited a small town in Spain.

The residents had never seen an American before, so he was treated as an honoured guest at the hotel.

Dinning for the first night, he asked the waiter what he recommended for dinner.

He suggested the "cojones".

The tourist asked what they were and the waiter replied, "Those are the testicles of the bull killed in the ring today."

He was shocked but agreed to try them after being assured it was a delicacy reserved only for special guests.

The tourist found them to be very tasty.

The next night he again ordered them for dinner.

The waiter complied but somewhat reluctantly.

The tourist again found them to be very tasty but asked the waiter why they were so much smaller than before.

The waiter said, "You see, Senor, sometimes it is the bull that wins!"
---------------------------------

**Texas Justice**

A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick-Rule."

The lawyer asked, What is the Texas Three-Kick-Rule?."

The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on this belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "OK, you old coot! now, it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "No I give up, you can have the duck.
-----------------------------------
**Divorce Court**

Phil and Jill had been married for many years but now were in divorce court.
The judge asked, 'Phil, is it true that the last three years of your marriage, you did not speak to Jill?'
Phil replies, 'Yes Judge, that is correct.'
'And how do you explain this unusual conduct?' the judge inquires.
Phil replies, 'I didn't want to interrupt her Your Honor.'
------------------
**Dirty Mags**

Dirty Magazines

One day mom was cleaning juniors room and in the closet she found a bondage S+M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her.

She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him.

He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word.

She finally asked him, "Well what should we do about this?"

Dad looked at her and said, "Well, I don't think you should spank him."

busterb · 04-05-2005, 07:41 PM

My test are back from the VA.

03-09-2005, 03:35 PM	#436
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	I understand there were particular procedures and documentation necessary to change lightbulbs in The Third Reich. My grandfather still has his Glübirnenändernschein, and it's signed by Hitler. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

03-09-2005, 05:06 PM	#439
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	note for the Germanically impaired (and why I was laughing too hard to post anything else) 404 has made an excellently funny joke. In German, vowels with an umlaut (that's the two dots over the U and A in our example) are spelled out as [letter]e if you don't have an output device (when I learned about them, typewriter) with the special characters. In short, he spelled it exactly the same way I did. :high five: __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

03-09-2005, 05:11 PM	#440
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	OK, but what the hell is it?? __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

03-09-2005, 05:29 PM	#441
mrnoodle bent Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: under the weather Posts: 2,656	an opportunity to make a joke about the German sense of humor? __________________ Sìn a nall na cuaranan sin. -- Cha mhór is fheairrde thu iad, tha iad coltach ri cat air a dhathadh

03-09-2005, 05:30 PM	#442
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	That's an oxymoron. :p __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

03-09-2005, 06:52 PM	#444
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	Yes.

03-17-2005, 07:17 PM	#446
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	Yes, he's a lawyer A wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?" "We do not have money for food," the poor man replied. "Well, then, you can come with me to my house" the lawyer said. "Sir, I have a wife and two children with me." "Bring them along," the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also." The second man then, in a pitiful voice said, "Sir, I also have a wife and we have six children with us!" "Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered. They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine. Once underway, one poor fellow turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you." The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You will love my place. The grass is almost a foot high." __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

03-27-2005, 09:33 PM	#449
Guyute Gamehenge Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Halifax, NS Posts: 168	Spanish Cuisine An American tourist visited a small town in Spain. The residents had never seen an American before, so he was treated as an honoured guest at the hotel. Dinning for the first night, he asked the waiter what he recommended for dinner. He suggested the "cojones". The tourist asked what they were and the waiter replied, "Those are the testicles of the bull killed in the ring today." He was shocked but agreed to try them after being assured it was a delicacy reserved only for special guests. The tourist found them to be very tasty. The next night he again ordered them for dinner. The waiter complied but somewhat reluctantly. The tourist again found them to be very tasty but asked the waiter why they were so much smaller than before. The waiter said, "You see, Senor, sometimes it is the bull that wins!" --------------------------------- Texas Justice A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it." The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own." The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick-Rule." The lawyer asked, What is the Texas Three-Kick-Rule?." The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up." The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on this belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "OK, you old coot! now, it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "No I give up, you can have the duck. ----------------------------------- Divorce Court Phil and Jill had been married for many years but now were in divorce court. The judge asked, 'Phil, is it true that the last three years of your marriage, you did not speak to Jill?' Phil replies, 'Yes Judge, that is correct.' 'And how do you explain this unusual conduct?' the judge inquires. Phil replies, 'I didn't want to interrupt her Your Honor.' ------------------ Dirty Mags Dirty Magazines One day mom was cleaning juniors room and in the closet she found a bondage S+M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word. She finally asked him, "Well what should we do about this?" Dad looked at her and said, "Well, I don't think you should spank him." __________________ It's Really Plain and Easy To See, The Family grows like fungus on a tree.

04-05-2005, 07:41 PM	#450
busterb NSABFD Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: MS. usa Posts: 3,908	Test My test are back from the VA. Attached Images __________________ I've haven't left very deep footprints in the sands of time. But, boy I've left a bunch.

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