07-07-2007, 08:05 PM | #1321 |
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 3,338
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Police Warning
Police are warning all men who frequent clubs,
parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many females use a date rape drug on the market called ... Beer. The drug is found in liquid form and available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in large "kegs". Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several Beers, men will often succumb to the desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking Beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred. At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as a "relationship" . In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage". Men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females. Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall victim to this beer and the women administering it..... There are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly affected like-minded guys. For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the phone book.
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07-11-2007, 05:45 AM | #1322 |
Pump my ride!
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Deep countryside of Surrey , England
Posts: 1,890
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Now, will you get this one....?
Nelson lay severely wounded aboard the HMS Victory, awaiting attack from the French navy. It was a foggy morning. The mist hung low. He called to his lookout and signalman: 'climb the rigging and tell me if the Frenchies are sending a signal to attack!' Away the signalman scurried, returning some five minutes later with a slihghtly panicked expression on his face: 'It's still very misty, admiral, sir. There is a signal but it is difficult to read. It seems to say "to the water, it is the hour" '. 'That makes no real sense. We need to be sure of the message. Go look again - the mists are surely clearing fast now.' Again the signalman climbed the rigging, returning some ten minutes later this time:' Sir, it definitely says what I said before "to the water, it is the hour" '. 'Are you really sure, for that is indeed a strange message?' 'Well, I am translating from the French' said the signalman 'And what, pray, is the French, then?' 'Why, a l'eau, c'est l'heure, of course!'
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Always sufficient hills - never sufficient gears |
07-11-2007, 09:36 AM | #1323 |
Pesky Pugalist [sp]
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 191
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nyuk nyuk nyuk
bonus points for sucessfully rendering that in text |
07-11-2007, 09:51 AM | #1324 |
Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya?
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 21,206
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This post reminded me of this joke:
The 3 wise men were walking into the stable to meet the baby messiah. The tallest wise man hits his head on the door jamb and says "Jeeesus Christ!" Mary looks at Joseph and says "ooh, ooh, write that down! That's way better than "Gary"
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A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby |
07-11-2007, 02:19 PM | #1326 | |
The future is unwritten
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Posts: 71,105
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Quote:
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The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. |
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07-11-2007, 02:24 PM | #1327 | ||
Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya?
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 21,206
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Quote:
I got a million of 'em. You should see my "Jesus on a rubber cross" impression. Guaranteed to piss off extremists, young and old alike. Quote:
Two women are walking along the docks one night. They see a couple seamen. The first lady asks "Aren't those sailors out after hours?" The second lady replies "I sure hope so!"
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A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby |
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07-11-2007, 06:43 PM | #1328 |
Pump my ride!
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Deep countryside of Surrey , England
Posts: 1,890
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Nope - but hello sailor anyway....
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Always sufficient hills - never sufficient gears |
07-11-2007, 10:27 PM | #1330 |
Person who doesn't update the user title
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Southern California
Posts: 6,674
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"Rien se passe ici??"
@ Shawnee: "Hey Peter! Look what I can do!" <straight-armed handclaps> Last edited by Urbane Guerrilla; 07-11-2007 at 10:35 PM. |
07-12-2007, 06:20 AM | #1331 | |
Pump my ride!
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Deep countryside of Surrey , England
Posts: 1,890
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Quote:
I suppose a 'happy sailor' could also therefore be classed as a 'Quendor bender' - that would tie it in quite neatly with some of the other interpretations.
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Always sufficient hills - never sufficient gears |
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07-12-2007, 11:19 AM | #1332 |
why so serious
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 1,712
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ouch! |
07-17-2007, 07:13 PM | #1333 |
...
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 8,360
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A Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as
> chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University > in Marquette. > > They would get together two or three times a week for > coffee and to talk shop. > > One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people > isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to > preach to a bear. > > One thing led to another and they decided to do an > experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a > bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it. > > Seven days later, they're all together to discuss their > experience. > > Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on > crutches, and has various bandages on his body and limbs, > goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find > me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from > the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with > me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my > holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, > he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming out > next week to give him first communion and confirmation." > > Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with > an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best > fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, "WELL brothers, > you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND > me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's > HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So > I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled > down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came > to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his > hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle > as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus." > > The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, > who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast > and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of > him. He was in real bad shape. > > The Rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, > circumcision may not have been the best way to start."
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07-20-2007, 10:36 AM | #1334 |
Tool. Not the band - you are one.
Join Date: Mar 2007
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Two rednecks walk into a Dairy Queen.
While having a couple of Blizzards, when suddenly a woman at a nearby table, eating a Coney dog, begins to cough and choke. One of the guys looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue, eyes widen and shakes her head no. The redneck strolls over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a long lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. She begins to breathe again. The redneck ambles smugly back to his table to a thunderous round of applause. His buddy says, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there Hind Lick Maneuver', but I ain't never seed nobody do it."
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07-20-2007, 10:39 AM | #1335 |
Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya?
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 21,206
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In a recent survey on why men like blow jobs so much:
6% liked the feeling, 12% liked the excitment, and 82% just liked the silence.
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A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby |
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