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10-16-2008, 11:02 AM
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#2176 |
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~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 6,828
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2 funny
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10-17-2008, 11:36 AM
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#2177 |
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~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 6,828
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10-17-2008, 12:15 PM
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#2178 |
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Gone and done
Join Date: Sep 2001
Posts: 4,808
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What do you call a poodle with no legs? A sponge.
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per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not. |
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10-17-2008, 01:16 PM
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#2179 | |
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Are you knock-kneed?
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Middle Hoosierland
Posts: 3,549
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10-20-2008, 02:43 PM
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#2180 |
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barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy.
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 23,401
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Mick, from Dublin, appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and towards
the end of the program had already won 500,000 pounds. You've done very well so far,' said, Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter, 'but for a million pounds you've only got one lifeline left - phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question......will you go for it?' 'Sure,' said Mick. 'I'll have a go!' 'Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?' A: Sparrow B: Thrush C: Magpie D: Cuckoo I haven't got a clue,' said Mick, 'so I'll use me last lifeline and phone me friend Paddy back home in Dublin'. Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him. 'Fookin hell, Mick!' cried Paddy. 'Dat's simple......it's a cuckoo.' 'Are you sure?' 'I'm fookin sure.' Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, 'I'll go wit Cuckoo as me answer.' 'Is that your final answer?' asked Chris 'Dat it is, Sir.' There was a long - long pause, and then the presenter screamed, 'Cuckoo is the correct answer! Mick, you've won 1 million pounds!' The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink. 'Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven's name did you know it was da Cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest? 'Because he lives in a Fookin clock!'
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"like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt |
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10-20-2008, 05:03 PM
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#2181 |
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barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy.
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 23,401
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How many zeros in a billion?
The next time you hear a politician use the word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about whether you want the 'politicians' spending
YOUR tax money. A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of it's releases. A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959. B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive. C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age. D. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth. E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it. While this thought is still fresh in our brain... let's take a look at New Orleans ... It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division. Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D) is asking Congress for 250 BILLION DOLLARS to rebuild New Orleans . Interesting number... what does it mean? A. Well... i f you are one of the 484,674 residents of New Orlea ns (every man, woman, and child) you each get $516,528. B. Or... if you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans , your home gets $1,329,787. C. Or... if you are a family of four... your family gets $2,066,012. Washington , D. C HELLO? Are all your calculators broken?? Accounts Receivable Tax Building Permit Tax CDL License Tax Cigarette Tax Corporate Income Tax Dog License Tax Federal Income Tax Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA) Fishing License Tax Food License Tax Fuel Permit Tax Gasoline Tax Hunting License Tax Inheritance Tax Inventory Tax IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax) IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax) Liquor Tax Luxury Tax Marriage License Tax Medicare Tax Property Tax Real Estate Tax Service charge taxes Social Security Tax Road Usage T ax (Truckers) Sales Taxes Recreational Vehicle Tax School Tax State Income Tax State Unemployment Tax (SUTA) Telephone Federal Excise Tax Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax Telephone Minimum Us age Surcharge Tax Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax Telephone State and Local Tax Telephone Usage Charge Tax Utility Tax Vehicle License Registration Tax Vehicle Sales Tax Watercraft Registration Tax Well Permit Tax Workers Compensation Tax STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
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"like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt |
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10-22-2008, 02:20 PM
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#2182 |
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Gone and done
Join Date: Sep 2001
Posts: 4,808
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__________________
per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not. |
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10-22-2008, 03:11 PM
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#2183 |
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polaroid of perfection
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: West Yorkshire
Posts: 24,185
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Talking about mamas, I got mine with Girl Falling Off a Bicycle.
She replied saying I was a bugger and that she'd been leaning right up close to hear it. I laughed really hard. Then for some reason I felt awful. My Mum trusts me. She would have been leaning in, anticipating a funny joke from her daughter, all expectant and innocent... I abused her trust to play a nasty trick. I felt like I betrayed her. No idea where that same from. weird, huh? Still, I did get a good laugh from it to start with.
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Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac |
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10-22-2008, 03:17 PM
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#2184 |
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go ahead, abbrev. it
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Lawrence, KS
Posts: 2,623
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It took a long time for it (credit crisis) to thaw and now it's going to take awhile for it to unthaw - GW Bush
Cindy McCain is so icy Eskimos have 150 different words for her. - Jon Stewart (The Daily Show)
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Chooses rowing vs. wading |
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10-22-2008, 03:40 PM
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#2185 | |
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Gone and done
Join Date: Sep 2001
Posts: 4,808
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Quote:
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per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not. |
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10-22-2008, 03:50 PM
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#2186 |
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Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 27,717
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I'm no Clodfobble, but let me try.
Sundae Girl is saying that she tricked her mother into watching a video that had been posted here on the Cellar. The video shows a girl riding a bicycle, and at the last minute, a scary face pops up into view and a loud screaming noise is heard. It's a video that is designed to startle the viewer. At first, Sundae Girl had a good laugh because she tricked her mother. But then she felt guilty about it. |
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10-22-2008, 03:56 PM
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#2187 |
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Gone and done
Join Date: Sep 2001
Posts: 4,808
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Aaaaah! Now I remember that video (thanks glatt!) Sorry, SG. That wasn't a translation problem, just my faulty memory.
Now, were did I put my spectacles and hearing aid?
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per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not. |
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10-22-2008, 04:05 PM
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#2188 |
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dar512 is now Pete Zicato
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Chicago suburb
Posts: 4,968
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How some dads would have handled it.
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"Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain." -- Friedrich Schiller |
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10-22-2008, 04:46 PM
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#2189 | |
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Only looks like a disaster tourist
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: above 7,000 feet
Posts: 7,208
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10-23-2008, 04:18 PM
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#2190 |
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why so serious
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 1,712
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How to be cruel to old guys...
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