Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 202

jujuwwhite · 12-01-2009, 05:36 AM

Nancy Pelosi was touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven car. Suddenly, a cow jumps out into the road, they hit it full on, and the car comes to a stop. Nancy , in her usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur:

'You get out and check - you were driving.'

The chauffeur gets out, checks, and reports that the animal is dead but it was old.

'You were driving; go and tell the farmer,' says Nancy ..

Two hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, smeared with lipstick, hair ruffled with a big grin on his face.

My God, what happened to you?' asks Nancy .

The chauffeur replies: 'When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of malt whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love to me.'

'What on earth did you say?' asks Nancy .

'I just knocked on the door and when it was answered, I said to them: 'I'm Nancy Pelosi’s chauffeur, and I've just killed the old cow.'

capnhowdy · 12-01-2009, 07:05 AM

I'm ripping that for work today.

glatt · 12-01-2009, 09:23 AM

A wise man once said "THIS IS NOT THE POLITICS THREAD, PEOPLE."

classicman · 12-01-2009, 12:35 PM

So all political humor is forbidden? WTH? C'mon, thats still funny.

capnhowdy · 12-01-2009, 12:45 PM

Really.

monster · 12-01-2009, 12:52 PM

She's a politician?

Radar · 12-01-2009, 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by glatt

A wise man once said "THIS IS NOT THE POLITICS THREAD, PEOPLE."

Not only that, the joke is in a previous post with Hillary Clinton so it's not only lame, it's tired too

lumberjim · 12-01-2009, 03:12 PM

....which also can be said of politics in general.

monster · 12-01-2009, 03:51 PM

Happy pills needed in aisle 9, Happy pills to aisle 9.

classicman · 12-01-2009, 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Radar

it's not only lame, it's tired too

Quote:

Originally Posted by lumberjim

....which also can be said of radar in general.

I agree

capnhowdy · 12-01-2009, 09:08 PM

I thought it was a good joke. She's a newb and NOT a politician. Can we ease up, people? Hell ... I'm almost afraid to invite someone here. If we don't want any new people, somebody tell me. You want to corner the Cellar with the regulars we have? Throw me a bone.

Radar... you don't run the Cellar. Shut the fuck up and ROLL with it. JFChrist!

monster · 12-01-2009, 09:14 PM

Q1: Mum, can I please have a cat for Christmas:
Ans: No. You'll have turkey the same us the rest of us.

Q2: What's the most popular Christmas wine?
Ans: 'I don't like Brussels sprouts!'

Q3: Why do Canadians find turkey so popular at Christmas?
Ans: Because the weather warmer there.

Q4: Why would you invite a mushroom to a Christmas party?
Ans: He's a fun guy to be with.

monster · 12-01-2009, 09:17 PM

Why is Christmas just like another day at the office?
You end up doing all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

monster · 12-01-2009, 09:18 PM

It was just before Christmas, and the magistrate was in a happy mood. He asked the prisoner in the dock 'What are you charged with?'

The prisoner replied, 'Doing my Christmas shopping too early'.

'That's no crime', said the magistrate. 'Just how early were you doing this shopping?'

'Before the shop opened'

- - - - -

Moira lost her handbag in the hustle and bustle of Christmas shopping in Oxford Street, London.

A small boy found it and he returned to her. Looking in her purse, Moira reasoned, 'Hmmm.... that's strange. When I lost my bag there was a £20 note in it. Now there are four £5 notes.'

The boy quickly replied with a charming smile and in a cockney accent, 'That's right, madam. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward.'

monster · 12-01-2009, 09:22 PM

Maria went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.' What denomination?' asked the clerk. 'Oh! Good heavens! Have we come to this?' said Maria, 'Well give me 50 Methodist and 50 Church of England ones please.'

12-01-2009, 05:36 AM	#3016
jujuwwhite Capnhowdy's #1 smasher Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Rentz, GA Posts: 339	Nancy Pelosi was touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven car. Suddenly, a cow jumps out into the road, they hit it full on, and the car comes to a stop. Nancy , in her usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur: 'You get out and check - you were driving.' The chauffeur gets out, checks, and reports that the animal is dead but it was old. 'You were driving; go and tell the farmer,' says Nancy .. Two hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, smeared with lipstick, hair ruffled with a big grin on his face. My God, what happened to you?' asks Nancy . The chauffeur replies: 'When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of malt whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love to me.' 'What on earth did you say?' asks Nancy . 'I just knocked on the door and when it was answered, I said to them: 'I'm Nancy Pelosi’s chauffeur, and I've just killed the old cow.' __________________ I don't suffer from insanity...i enjoy every moment of it.

12-01-2009, 07:05 AM	#3017
capnhowdy Blatantly Homosapien Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6,200	I'm ripping that for work today. __________________ Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.

12-01-2009, 12:35 PM	#3019
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	So all political humor is forbidden? WTH? C'mon, thats still funny. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

12-01-2009, 12:45 PM	#3020
capnhowdy Blatantly Homosapien Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6,200	Really. __________________ Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.

12-01-2009, 12:52 PM	#3021
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	She's a politician? __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

12-01-2009, 09:23 AM	#3018
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	A wise man once said "THIS IS NOT THE POLITICS THREAD, PEOPLE."

12-01-2009, 03:12 PM	#3023
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	....which also can be said of politics in general. __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

12-01-2009, 03:51 PM	#3024
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	*Happy pills needed in aisle 9, Happy pills to aisle 9.* __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

12-01-2009, 09:08 PM	#3026
capnhowdy Blatantly Homosapien Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6,200	I thought it was a good joke. She's a newb and NOT a politician. Can we ease up, people? Hell ... I'm almost afraid to invite someone here. If we don't want any new people, somebody tell me. You want to corner the Cellar with the regulars we have? Throw me a bone. Radar... you don't run the Cellar. Shut the fuck up and ROLL with it. JFChrist! __________________ Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.

12-01-2009, 09:14 PM	#3027
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Q1: Mum, can I please have a cat for Christmas: Ans: No. You'll have turkey the same us the rest of us. Q2: What's the most popular Christmas wine? Ans: 'I don't like Brussels sprouts!' Q3: Why do Canadians find turkey so popular at Christmas? Ans: Because the weather warmer there. Q4: Why would you invite a mushroom to a Christmas party? Ans: He's a fun guy to be with. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

12-01-2009, 09:17 PM	#3028
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Why is Christmas just like another day at the office? You end up doing all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

12-01-2009, 09:18 PM	#3029
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	It was just before Christmas, and the magistrate was in a happy mood. He asked the prisoner in the dock 'What are you charged with?' The prisoner replied, 'Doing my Christmas shopping too early'. 'That's no crime', said the magistrate. 'Just how early were you doing this shopping?' 'Before the shop opened' - - - - - Moira lost her handbag in the hustle and bustle of Christmas shopping in Oxford Street, London. A small boy found it and he returned to her. Looking in her purse, Moira reasoned, 'Hmmm.... that's strange. When I lost my bag there was a £20 note in it. Now there are four £5 notes.' The boy quickly replied with a charming smile and in a cockney accent, 'That's right, madam. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward.' __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

12-01-2009, 09:22 PM	#3030
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Maria went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.' What denomination?' asked the clerk. 'Oh! Good heavens! Have we come to this?' said Maria, 'Well give me 50 Methodist and 50 Church of England ones please.' __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

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