Tasteless Jokes - Page 34

DanaC · 05-16-2011, 02:51 PM

Hmmm.

Ok. That's an interesting perspective shift.

classicman · 05-16-2011, 04:03 PM

The rest go into the regular humor thread.

GunMaster357 · 05-17-2011, 05:55 AM

How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb? One, since his/her hands are in the air anyway.

How many Calvinists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. God has predestined when the lights will be on.

How many Brethren does it take to change a light bulb? CHANGE?!!!

How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb? 10, one to change it and 9 others to pray against the spirit of darkness.

How many tv evangelists does it take to change a lightbulb? One. But for the message of hope to continue to go forth, send in your donation today.

How many Roman Catholics does it take to change a lightbulb? None: Candles only.

How many Amish does it take to change a lightbulb? What's a light bulb?

How many Polygamous Mormons does it take to change a lightbulb? Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to knock on your door and ask you if you've seen the light!

How many Unitarians does it take to change a lightbulb? We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

DanaC · 05-17-2011, 06:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GunMaster357

How many Unitarians does it take to change a lightbulb? We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

lol

Sheldonrs · 05-17-2011, 10:30 AM

How many Donald Trumps does it take to change a light bulb? None really. But he will tell you how he will change it, make it better and how proud of himself he will be after he changes it. And then the only thing he actually WILL change is his mind.

GunMaster357 · 05-20-2011, 04:52 AM

During his sermon one Sunday, the local preacher told his congregation that the entire range of human experience could be found in the Bible. He confidently stated, "If anything can happen to humans, it is described somewhere in the Bible."

After the service, a woman came up to the preacher and said, "Reverend, I don't think the Bible mentions anything about PMS."

The preacher told the woman he was certain he could find a reference to PMS somewhere in scripture. During the following week, he searched diligently, book-by-book, chapter-by-chapter, and verse-by-verse.

On the following Sunday, the woman came up to him and asked, "Did you find any references to PMS in the Bible?"

The preacher smiled, opened his Bible, and began to read, "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem."

sullage · 05-25-2011, 01:58 AM

a priest and a rabbi see a little boy as they're walking down the street. the priest sneers and asks, "wanna screw that boy?"
the rabbi, confused, replies: "out of what?"

sullage · 05-25-2011, 01:59 AM

the worst part of being a black jew? standing at the back of the oven.

JBKlyde · 08-06-2011, 02:59 AM

OK there are two Jews and a polock in this nazi death camp. The guard tells them if you can climb to the top of this 100 foot grease poll will give you your freedom. If not whatever your dad did for a living were going to do to your balls. The first jew climbs to the top and gets all the way up to the 50 slides back down crying. WHat did your dad do for a living the guard ask. He was a butcher. SO they chopped his balls off. The next jew climbs to the poll and he gets to the 75 he climbs to the top and slides down. His dad was a candle stick maker so the bunrt his balls off. THe POlock climbs all the way up to the 99 and slides all the way back down laughing. Why didn't you do it the guard asks. He replies, My dad was a lolly pop maker you have to suck my balls off.

Sundae · 08-06-2011, 07:35 AM

The correct spelling is pollock.
And his Dad would have been a fish, so they had to wash his balls off.

jimhelm · 08-06-2011, 11:16 AM

I don't see the reason for mentioning the ethnicity of the players in this particular joke.

wolf · 08-06-2011, 12:30 PM

It's funnier this way because Jews are supposed to be more clever than everybody else ... they clearly were not in this joke ... I dunno.

Glinda · 08-06-2011, 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JBKlyde

OK there are two Jews and a polock in this nazi death camp. The guard tells them if you can climb to the top of this 100 foot grease poll will give you your freedom. If not whatever your dad did for a living were going to do to your balls. The first jew climbs to the top and gets all the way up to the 50 slides back down crying. WHat did your dad do for a living the guard ask. He was a butcher. SO they chopped his balls off. The next jew climbs to the poll and he gets to the 75 he climbs to the top and slides down. His dad was a candle stick maker so the bunrt his balls off. THe POlock climbs all the way up to the 99 and slides all the way back down laughing. Why didn't you do it the guard asks. He replies, My dad was a lolly pop maker you have to suck my balls off.

Quote:

Have 2 Goals Wisdom and Common Sense

Clearly, you have achieved neither. Bigoted jerk.

footfootfoot · 08-06-2011, 03:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Glinda

Clearly, you have achieved neither. Bigoted jerk.

FTW

glatt · 08-06-2011, 09:12 PM

Imma merge this into the tasteless jokes thread. It qualifies.

05-16-2011, 04:03 PM	#497
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	The rest go into the regular humor thread. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

05-17-2011, 05:55 AM	#498
GunMaster357 Professor Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Brest (FRANCE) Posts: 1,837	How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb? One, since his/her hands are in the air anyway. How many Calvinists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. God has predestined when the lights will be on. How many Brethren does it take to change a light bulb? CHANGE?!!! How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb? 10, one to change it and 9 others to pray against the spirit of darkness. How many tv evangelists does it take to change a lightbulb? One. But for the message of hope to continue to go forth, send in your donation today. How many Roman Catholics does it take to change a lightbulb? None: Candles only. How many Amish does it take to change a lightbulb? What's a light bulb? How many Polygamous Mormons does it take to change a lightbulb? Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it. How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to knock on your door and ask you if you've seen the light! How many Unitarians does it take to change a lightbulb? We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence. __________________ "War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce

05-17-2011, 10:30 AM	#500
Sheldonrs Master Dwellar Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 4,412	How many Donald Trumps does it take to change a light bulb? None really. But he will tell you how he will change it, make it better and how proud of himself he will be after he changes it. And then the only thing he actually WILL change is his mind. __________________ Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and the world laughs AT you.

05-20-2011, 04:52 AM	#501
GunMaster357 Professor Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Brest (FRANCE) Posts: 1,837	During his sermon one Sunday, the local preacher told his congregation that the entire range of human experience could be found in the Bible. He confidently stated, "If anything can happen to humans, it is described somewhere in the Bible." After the service, a woman came up to the preacher and said, "Reverend, I don't think the Bible mentions anything about PMS." The preacher told the woman he was certain he could find a reference to PMS somewhere in scripture. During the following week, he searched diligently, book-by-book, chapter-by-chapter, and verse-by-verse. On the following Sunday, the woman came up to him and asked, "Did you find any references to PMS in the Bible?" The preacher smiled, opened his Bible, and began to read, "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem." __________________ "War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce

08-06-2011, 02:59 AM	#504
JBKlyde Banned Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Encrypted Into an AmpitheaterWall Posts: 1,722	2 Jews and A Polock OK there are two Jews and a polock in this nazi death camp. The guard tells them if you can climb to the top of this 100 foot grease poll will give you your freedom. If not whatever your dad did for a living were going to do to your balls. The first jew climbs to the top and gets all the way up to the 50 slides back down crying. WHat did your dad do for a living the guard ask. He was a butcher. SO they chopped his balls off. The next jew climbs to the poll and he gets to the 75 he climbs to the top and slides down. His dad was a candle stick maker so the bunrt his balls off. THe POlock climbs all the way up to the 99 and slides all the way back down laughing. Why didn't you do it the guard asks. He replies, My dad was a lolly pop maker you have to suck my balls off.

05-25-2011, 01:58 AM	#502
sullage Master Locutor Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Iowa Posts: 155	a priest and a rabbi see a little boy as they're walking down the street. the priest sneers and asks, "wanna screw that boy?" the rabbi, confused, replies: "out of what?"

05-25-2011, 01:59 AM	#503
sullage Master Locutor Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Iowa Posts: 155	the worst part of being a black jew? standing at the back of the oven.

08-06-2011, 07:35 AM	#505
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	The correct spelling is pollock. And his Dad would have been a fish, so they had to wash his balls off.

08-06-2011, 11:16 AM	#506
jimhelm a beautiful fool Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: 39.939705 Posts: 4,504	I don't see the reason for mentioning the ethnicity of the players in this particular joke. __________________ There's a Shadow just behind me. Shrouding every step I take. Making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. _tool

08-06-2011, 12:30 PM	#507
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	It's funnier this way because Jews are supposed to be more clever than everybody else ... they clearly were not in this joke ... I dunno. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

08-06-2011, 09:12 PM	#510
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	Imma merge this into the tasteless jokes thread. It qualifies.

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