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Old 09-06-2011, 08:49 AM   #4126
infinite monkey
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Ohhhhhhhhhhh, see, at first I was like "huh WHAAAAA?" then when it was all explained to me I was like "HAHAHAHAAAAHAAHAAHHAAHAHAAAAAAA!" Not exactly like that but almost like that. Maybe minus a 'ha'.

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Old 09-07-2011, 06:29 AM   #4127
GunMaster357
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Q. What is the cheapest meat?

A. Deer balls, there under a buck.
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Old 09-07-2011, 05:47 PM   #4128
Gravdigr
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Oh, that's ƒucking ƒunny!!!
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Old 09-07-2011, 06:45 PM   #4129
footfootfoot
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variant: What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?

Deer nuts are under a buck.

For our foreign readers:
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Old 09-08-2011, 04:17 PM   #4130
Gravdigr
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A guy and a girl meet at a bar.They get along so well that they decide to go
to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then
washes his hands.He then takes off his trousers and again washes his
hands.The girl has been watching him and says:"You must be a dentist."The
guy, surprised, says:"Yes .... How did you figure that out?""Easy.." she
replies, "you keep washing your hands". One thing leads to another and they
make love. After it's over the girl says: "You must be a good dentist."The
guy, now with an inflated ego, says:"Sure - I'm a good dentist. How did you
figure that out?"

The girl replies:....."Didn't feel a thing."
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Old 09-08-2011, 11:07 PM   #4131
classicman
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An old woman is riding an elevator in a lavish store when a beautiful woman gets in the
elevator, smelling of perfume. She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly,
"Romance" by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce!" Another beautiful woman gets on the
elevator, and turns to her and says, "Chanel No. 5, $200 an ounce!"The old woman is
about to get off the elevator but before she leaves, she looks both women in the eye,
farts and as the door closes behind her says, "Broccoli - 49 cents a pound"
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Old 09-08-2011, 11:09 PM   #4132
TheMercenary
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Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!
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Old 09-09-2011, 08:05 AM   #4133
GunMaster357
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Pfizer Corp. (PFE) is making the announcement today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as-is or as a mixer, under the name "Mount and Do." Pepsi's proposed ad campaign suggests: "It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one."

Recommendation: BUY
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Old 09-14-2011, 06:13 PM   #4134
Gravdigr
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Mmmm...Hedberg.
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Old 09-15-2011, 11:40 PM   #4135
Lola Bunny
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Not sure where this belongs but I found it funny.


TO ALL GIRLS . . . who are in a hurry to have a boyfriend or get married, a piece of Biblical advice - " Ruth patiently waited for her mate Boaz." While you are waiting on YOUR Boaz, don't settle for any of his relatives; Broke-az, Po-az, Lyin-az, Cheating-az, Dumb-az, Drunk-az, Cheap-az, Lockedup-a…z, Goodfornothing-az, Lazy-az & especially his third cousin Beatinyo-az. Wait on your Boaz and make sure he respects Yoaz
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Old 09-16-2011, 08:25 AM   #4136
infinite monkey
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I like that one, Lola.
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Old 09-16-2011, 07:48 PM   #4137
morethanpretty
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Stole this from someone just now:

A soldier comes home on leave. His wife asks him to have "the talk" with their son. The soldier says OK, and tells his son: "Listen up, kid. It's time you knew the facts. When a man and a woman want a baby, they F**K. Just like the birds and the bees."
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Old 09-17-2011, 06:24 AM   #4138
ZenGum
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Although, did anyone else ever notice that most bees never actually f**k, but go through their lives as sexless workers. Only the queen and a bunch of randy bee dudes get any action.

Makes it a pretty stupid metaphor.
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Old 09-17-2011, 10:02 AM   #4139
Clodfobble
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No, that talk is the "bees and the flowers," Zen. The birds and the bees is all about how the birds eat the bees. Especially the swallows.
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Old 09-17-2011, 11:01 AM   #4140
jimhelm
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swallows eat unborn babies, i thought.

...well, i guess that's only half true.

ba dum dum
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