If you had died today..

monster · 01-15-2012, 06:53 PM

what killed you?

Doesn't have to be epitaph style, or prose, or even remotely amusing, but have fun if you fancy..... It kinda oughta be related to your day, though.....

Mine for yesterday:

Here lies monster, and her fat.
Met her match chasing the cat.

And today:

As Hector's hockey team (Storm) scraped a draw against a team who have only won so far, their parents get frantic. Storm fans try to leave without making eye contact, but as fans are returning the (beads in bottles) noisemakers to the bag, one falls out and rolls under the foot of the oppo parent walking past the home team bleacher (the one ominously mutterring about the reffing sucking and not looking where he's going), causing him to trip and land heavily on the far end of the aluminum bench where monster is holding the bag for the noisemakers. She and the noisemakers are catapulted onto the ice right in front of the Zamboni. The noisemakers were caught by the amazing Storm Goalie, but alas, the ice now has an interesting finish.

regular.joe · 01-15-2012, 07:39 PM

Very interesting Monster.

I hope that really does not happen, on several levels. It would be a shame to loose you on the ice. I hope the parents are better sports then that! How rude and ungracious it is to make excuses in front of the winner of any contest. No matter how good you are, you lost because the other man/woman/team is better. You tell them so, and thanks for the opportunity. Have a little class. I hope the other teams parents can figure this out.

If I would have died today it would have been like this:

He rode long, and he rode hard.
Too bad he rode in front of a car.

monster · 01-15-2012, 07:46 PM

hehe, thanks, we didn't even win (tie), but hockey is brutal, parentally-speaking -and this is house hockey, no travel. We allowed ourselves to be entertained by the visiting fans rather than enraged. It appears that the closer you get to the Joe Louis, the more seriously you take it. (It was a Detroit team, as was our last, similar experience). We don't usually play Detroit teams until play-offs, but the league is experimenting with a new bracketing format this year...... works well for skill level, not so well on the parental-passion level.....

Sorry about the car.....

Clodfobble · 01-15-2012, 10:46 PM

Today?

Here lies Clodfobble.
Turns out that head cold was meningitis.

monster · 01-15-2012, 10:51 PM

Here lies Clodfobble, her head hurt
First came blankets, now under dirt

ZenGum · 01-15-2012, 11:16 PM

Buried under an avalanche of paperwork.

The ethics approval application form I just did ran to 31 pages. I had to supply electronic and hard copy, so they'd have my signature.

monster · 01-15-2012, 11:20 PM

31 pages buried Zengum
Used to be vocal, now he's dumb

ZenGum · 01-15-2012, 11:32 PM

.

it · 01-16-2012, 05:15 AM

if i died today it would have probably being the crazy driver that thought the boarders of the road, otherwise known as sidewalks, are merely a recomendation not to be taken seriously....

either that or a bombing. this might be an israeli cultural thing, but a comidian i remember joked about it as being "the little terrorist within all of us". you go through a public's place security, and noticed they didn't check throughly and you could have totally being carrying a bomb and they wouldn't have noticed. you get that little satisfaction that you could have outsmarted the security guard... only to look behind you at a suspicious looking guy getting the same treatment, and think "god damn it".

Griff · 01-16-2012, 09:05 AM

Yesterday woulda looked like this:

Sundae · 01-16-2012, 11:25 AM

Hi this is Sundae's brother logging in.
She asked me to do so in case of illness or accident - lucky this thread was here.

Unfortunately she died this afternoon walking home from school. No-one is totally sure what happened, but it appears she was sneezing so hard from having the sun in her eyes that she lost her balance. Sadly, she was next to a fence of iron palings, and as she had always fearing, she fell sideways into them, pucturing her head and neck.

Apparently the ensuing fountain of gore traumatised a number of her beloved pupils. Which isn't really how she'd like to be remembered, but I expect she will make the front page of the Bucks Herald this week. Which is nice.

monster · 01-16-2012, 11:36 AM

It'll take more than the front page to mop that mess up!

Sundae · 01-16-2012, 11:36 AM

Haggis and tatties

Gravdigr · 01-16-2012, 03:36 PM

Reports of my death will be greatly exaggerated.

ZenGum · 01-16-2012, 06:39 PM

Death? DEATH? I heard he was torn apart by radioactive wild dogs and the pieces hurled into a furnace which was blasted into the sun on a nuclear powered rocket!

01-15-2012, 06:53 PM	#1
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	If you had died today.. what killed you? Doesn't have to be epitaph style, or prose, or even remotely amusing, but have fun if you fancy..... It kinda oughta be related to your day, though..... Mine for yesterday: Here lies monster, and her fat. Met her match chasing the cat. And today: As Hector's hockey team (Storm) scraped a draw against a team who have only won so far, their parents get frantic. Storm fans try to leave without making eye contact, but as fans are returning the (beads in bottles) noisemakers to the bag, one falls out and rolls under the foot of the oppo parent walking past the home team bleacher (the one ominously mutterring about the reffing sucking and not looking where he's going), causing him to trip and land heavily on the far end of the aluminum bench where monster is holding the bag for the noisemakers. She and the noisemakers are catapulted onto the ice right in front of the Zamboni. The noisemakers were caught by the amazing Storm Goalie, but alas, the ice now has an interesting finish. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

01-15-2012, 07:39 PM	#2
regular.joe Старый сержант Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: NC, dreaming of large Russian women. Posts: 1,464	Very interesting Monster. I hope that really does not happen, on several levels. It would be a shame to loose you on the ice. I hope the parents are better sports then that! How rude and ungracious it is to make excuses in front of the winner of any contest. No matter how good you are, you lost because the other man/woman/team is better. You tell them so, and thanks for the opportunity. Have a little class. I hope the other teams parents can figure this out. If I would have died today it would have been like this: He rode long, and he rode hard. Too bad he rode in front of a car. __________________ Birth, wealth, and position are valueless during wartime. Man is only judged by his character --Soldier's Testament. Death, like birth, is a secret of Nature. - Marcus Aurelius.

01-15-2012, 07:46 PM	#3
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	hehe, thanks, we didn't even win (tie), but hockey is brutal, parentally-speaking -and this is house hockey, no travel. We allowed ourselves to be entertained by the visiting fans rather than enraged. It appears that the closer you get to the Joe Louis, the more seriously you take it. (It was a Detroit team, as was our last, similar experience). We don't usually play Detroit teams until play-offs, but the league is experimenting with a new bracketing format this year...... works well for skill level, not so well on the parental-passion level..... Sorry about the car..... __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

01-15-2012, 10:46 PM	#4
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	Today? Here lies Clodfobble. Turns out that head cold was meningitis. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

01-15-2012, 10:51 PM	#5
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Here lies Clodfobble, her head hurt First came blankets, now under dirt __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

01-15-2012, 11:16 PM	#6
ZenGum Doctor Wtf Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Badelaide, Baustralia Posts: 12,861	Buried under an avalanche of paperwork. The ethics approval application form I just did ran to 31 pages. I had to supply electronic and hard copy, so they'd have my signature. __________________ Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl.

01-15-2012, 11:20 PM	#7
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	31 pages buried Zengum Used to be vocal, now he's dumb __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

01-15-2012, 11:32 PM	#8
ZenGum Doctor Wtf Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Badelaide, Baustralia Posts: 12,861	. __________________ Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl.

01-16-2012, 05:15 AM	#9
it Banned Join Date: Dec 2011 Posts: 772	if i died today it would have probably being the crazy driver that thought the boarders of the road, otherwise known as sidewalks, are merely a recomendation not to be taken seriously.... either that or a bombing. this might be an israeli cultural thing, but a comidian i remember joked about it as being "the little terrorist within all of us". you go through a public's place security, and noticed they didn't check throughly and you could have totally being carrying a bomb and they wouldn't have noticed. you get that little satisfaction that you could have outsmarted the security guard... only to look behind you at a suspicious looking guy getting the same treatment, and think "god damn it".

01-16-2012, 09:05 AM	#10
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	Yesterday woulda looked like this: __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

01-16-2012, 11:25 AM	#11
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Hi this is Sundae's brother logging in. She asked me to do so in case of illness or accident - lucky this thread was here. Unfortunately she died this afternoon walking home from school. No-one is totally sure what happened, but it appears she was sneezing so hard from having the sun in her eyes that she lost her balance. Sadly, she was next to a fence of iron palings, and as she had always fearing, she fell sideways into them, pucturing her head and neck. Apparently the ensuing fountain of gore traumatised a number of her beloved pupils. Which isn't really how she'd like to be remembered, but I expect she will make the front page of the Bucks Herald this week. Which is nice.

01-16-2012, 11:36 AM	#12
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	It'll take more than the front page to mop that mess up! __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

01-16-2012, 03:36 PM	#14
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	Reports of my death will be greatly exaggerated. __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

01-16-2012, 06:39 PM	#15
ZenGum Doctor Wtf Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Badelaide, Baustralia Posts: 12,861	Death? DEATH? I heard he was torn apart by radioactive wild dogs and the pieces hurled into a furnace which was blasted into the sun on a nuclear powered rocket! __________________ Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl.

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