What's scorching your groove today?

[jimhelm]

Originally Posted by jimhelm

Uncle Biff has stage 4 fucking lung cancer.

Shit.

I flew to Charlotte Sunday morning. Dad picked me up at the airport. We went and had breakfast at Waffle house, then on to Biff's house. Dad told me in the car that it was good that I came now, because Biff had taken a turn for the worse after the Chemo.

When we got there, Biff was sitting out on the screen porch, leaning on some pillows. Shaved head, haggard face, distracted demeanor. He was in there, but barely. Everyone was telling me that he was SO much better than he had been recently. He knew me, and we talked some... even did some pottery together. It was good.

Then, after a couple hours, he started nodding off, and saying incoherent things like someone talking in their sleep would do. We left in the afternoon, and would be back this morning to hang with him while his wife Linda got back to work. Calls this morning told us that he had had a really rough night. He was ornery, and abusive, and generally combative. He was up when we got there, though. Linda had decided to skip work again, and there was a doctors appointment scheduled for 3pm to see about having him admitted. He was too much for Linda to handle.

He had a nap for a bit but by 2pm he was trying to lock himself in the bathroom. He had fallen down in there overnight, so Linda was not having it. He, however, was not having any of her mothering. He got so worked up screaming and yelling. He'd had 3 heart attack episodes over the last 5 years.... cancer not only in his lungs, but liver and brain too. Linda stepped away and asked me to get him to sit down on the bathroom chair. As she left, he shut the door on me.... so I stood there liike an ass until I heard him fall down. ...45 seconds maybe... Then i busted in, and he was on his back like a turtle. I sat him up, straightened his legs out, and tried to get him up. he was breathing inconsistently... like sleep apnia. no breath, then a snore and a deep breath....

I tried once to lift his limp ass into the chair, but couldnt manage it. My dad went to call 911. now, there's no breathing. fuck. get the chair out. lie him down on the cold goddamn tile floor, and put his shaved head on a towel. his cold yellow head. Started compressions. blew a breath into him. it gurgled out like he was full of phlegm. more compressions.... next breath goes iin but does not come back out,. swept his mouth, and got his false teeth out from under his tongue, sat him up, and he breathed out. then he breathed in!

he has a fast pulse in his neck. then the breath stops again. back onto his back, and more compressions. fast hard shallow shoves on his chest. my arms got too tired, so I had Carrie, his daughter, who was on the phone with 911 spell me for a minute. Now i hear the sirens, and I take over compressions again. a couple more breaths and a million more compressions over the 2 minutes it takes the EMT to get to him ( they really did get there quickly)


So I get the hell out of their way. go into the kitchen and I'm sweating and panting, and sobbing ... after I can breathe, I start clearing a path for the stretcher to get in. I'm pretty sure he's gone.

But then, Carrie says he asked for his teeth. So... I dunno.. .maybe he'll make it. After they cart him out, and are cleaning up, the EMT boss guy says probably not. They got no pulse, and it didn't look good.

We got to the hospital just in time to be there when the Doctor, a grief counselor and a Chaplain? came out together to give us the bad news.

Biff is gone. Linda is hysterical.... crying laughing, and all stops in between by turns. denying that it's true, then accepting it, then denying it again.

My dad is relieved that Biff went quickly instead of slowly (I'm with him).

I'm .... I don't know. I cant believe he died like that. right there. right then. SO glad I came down here and had Sunday morning to see him alert, if only for an hour or two.

See ya, Biff, you dead prick. I'll miss you.

[BigV]

Sorry man. At the risk of being callous, remember ABC in that moment Airway, Breathing, Circulation. They're important in that order. Pertinent info and impertinent to say at this time.

Jim, my heart goes out to you man. You did great, you won't regret it. So sorry.

[glatt]

I was going to say that I'm glad you got so see him, but holy crap. Not like that. You did good though. It was very good you were there. I'm sorry he's gone.

[monster]

:no idea what to say:

so sorry.

[Undertoad]

Sorry for your loss sir.

And so we learn what is important -- thank you so much for sharing the story with us.

You did great.

[zippyt]

Sorry for your loss

[classicman]

Damn Jim. no words. sympathies to those still here and a prayer for him.
So sorry.

[jimhelm]

Thanks. I wanted to put my impressions in writing so I could read it again in the future. Also wanted to try to convey what was, behind the birth of my children, the most real thing that ever happened....to me? No. uh.... Something.
....um..... The most real thing I've ever witnessed. In that moment, there was only that moment. A drip of sweat from my brow landed right in his open eye. Slow motion. He did not blink.

God.

[classicman]

powerful. telling. raw.

[Clodfobble]

Holy shit, man. Goddamn. I'm glad you told your story.

[Trilby]

Wow. Being there with him at his passing is a very specific gift.

You did so well Jim.

Peace to you all.

[limey]

Jim I am so sorry for your loss. It must have been gruelling, harrowing. Thank you for recording it for your future self, and sharing it with us.
Maybe Biff was waiting to see you one last time?

[kerosene]

Wow. Jim, thanks for sharing this. Hopefully some of the strangeness/grief of the experience will fade and you will be grateful to have been there in your dear uncle's last moments.

[infinite monkey]

Aww jim. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Happy Monkey]

I got caught in this on Friday.

I was flying from LAX to DC through Nashville (Tenacious D was on my flight!). When we landed in Nashville, there was a garbled message from American Airlines on my voicemail, which I deleted. I discovered what it must have been about when I saw that the second and final leg of my flight had been cancelled. The gate agents sent me to the ticket agents, who told me that my new flight was:

a) 5:30 PM
b) Saturday
c) Routed through Chicago with a 2 hour layover
d) Arriving in DC after midnight, Sunday morning.

And in compensation, I had a discount at the local Mariott.

I was unhappy, but I figured that with at least four flights to DC cancelled, enough people were in my situation that it wasn't too surprising that it would be hard to get them all accomodated quickly. So I spent the night in Nashville, and got back to the airport the next morning, where again the ticket agents said that no earlier flights were available. I resigned myself to wandering airport shops for 6 hours.

I did just that for an hour or so, slowly making my way to my gate, and when I got there, I discovered that a direct flight to DC was leaving from that gate within the hour!

Here is where my groove got less scorched. I asked the gate agents if they could fit me on the flight, and they did so! I got home at 4pm instead of midnight, and so did my checked luggage!

So ticket agents scorched my groove, but gate agents slapped on a bit of aloe.