the lie thread

[SamIam]

I first met Gravdigr and plthijinx when I chartered a plane to visit my long lost relatives in the Kentucky mountains. I showed up in full hillbilly regalia (think Ellie Mae in the Beverly Hillbillies). He almost refused to take me, but I showed him cold, hard cash and revealed my stash of my finest home grown in my backpack, so plthijinx agreed to fly me back East.

We got up to cruising altitude and I broke out one of my baggies. Being a lady, I offered to share and my trusty pilot took me up on my offer. Damn, that stuff was FINE! So we broke open a second baggie, and sometime later, plthijinx managed to land us on a beach in the Virgin Islands which was fine by me. After spending a week getting gorgeous tans and drinking lots of rum concoctions with little umbrellas in them, I remembered I was supposed to be staying in a one room shack with 10 of my closest relatives, not living it up on the beach.

Reluctantly, we took to the air again, heading in the general direction of the Cumberland Gap. However, plthijinx insisted on making a stop in western Kentucky, so we could pick up his old buddy, Gravdigr. I had heard some very strange things about Gravdigr, so I wasn't too sure about this, but plthijinx insisted. We were on our 9th or 10th baggie, so I agreed. Man, was Gravdigr surprised when we landed in a corn field across from his house.

Gravdigr is always up for a boogie, plus he just had had a run-in with the local sheriff - something about a 14 year old girl and the back of a movie theater. But I thought Gravdigr was pretty cute in his flowing saffron Buddhist robe and he had a nice stash of his own, so I figured he'd be an OK traveling companion after all.

Once again, plthijinx's little plane climbed up into the ionisphere. It was hard to see much from up there, especially as stoned as we all were. On top of that, we were trying to find the little town of Goldbug, Kentucky (pop 87 - all related to me and each other). After making several scarey passes over the Appalachians with no luck, plthijinx let Gravdigr take the controls just for the hell of it.

Gravdigr swooped down low into a narrow mountain valley, and there was Goldbug! I could tell because all the men were aiming shotguns at our plane and all the shacks had at least on still behind them. Gravdigr made a crash landing on top of an abandoned strip mine, and the locals rushed over to check us out.

I could see my cousin Floyd in the crowd or maybe Floyd is my uncle - probably both. He recognized me too, and we all went off to his place to sample his latest efforts with corn likker. I don't remember much after that, but plthijinx managed eventually to get us all back to Arizona (or where ever it is he's based). I caught a ride home to Colorado with a passing Navajo and the last time I saw Gravdigr, he was chanting hare krishna songs at the airport. He may still be there for all I know.

The End