I got plenty of Nothing, and Nothing's Plenty for ME!

[IamSam]

In the "It Never Rains, but it Pours" Department:

Today with no warning, I found out that I have run out of unemployment benefits from the state of Colorado. I have great difficulty understanding all the rules and laws around being eligible and requesting unemployment insurance, and I made two major mistakes.

The first was that I assumed I'd find another job in a few months, anyhow. I have so many sterling qualities, I could open up a silverware registry. Plus, I'm experienced, more honest than not, and an employer can have my services for a song.

Unfortunately, the people who do the hiring around here don't agree with my glowing self assessment. According to them, I "have too much experience and/or education and will leave ASAP should I find more suitable employment ." Matter of fact, they're right. Cry me a river. There's plenty of other people waiting in line for every job around here, so it's not like their crummy min wage job will go unfilled for months.

The actual translation of you "have too much experience and/or education and will leave ASAP should you find more suitable employment " is more like: "We'd rather hire a cute little biker chick in her 20's than someone like you who would mostly likely choke to death if someone offered you a hit of medical marijuana the second day on the job.

*sigh*

My second major mistake re Colorado unemployment was thinking that from time to time, Colorado would send me a statement of some sort - like a bank statement, or something - letting me know where I stand. They don't. Everything is automated, and you file for two weeks at a time by phone, cross your heart and hope to die as a computerized voice gives you the prompts. Finally, the computer reminds you one last time that in Colorado, the punishment for fraud is death (I believe the hangings take place in front of the State Capitol every other Saturday).

The recording then chirps at you that your unemployment check will be deposited in two days. Why would it lie to me like that? Can computers be punished for not making honest statements? Maybe give them a bad virus that crashes their hard drive or something?

But, in the end, the fault was mine for not doing my own accounting and thinking Colorado would have sent me a warning of some sort as I came down to the wire. Like had I known, I wouldn't have bought some winter boots to replace the ones Wyn chewed up when he first arrived here. And I would have put off for another month the brake work on my truck that I've been putting off forever.

I think I can apply for the extended unemployment benefits that Congress barely let squeak by, but in my case, those payments won't start until the beginning of MARCH!

Meanwhile, I'm looking at having my electricity, phone, and Internet cut off, since I have no money to pay those bills. In fact, I have no money for ANYTHING like co-pays for my meds and food for the critters. There's a charity here that might help me with "Vampire" Electric, as its customers fondly call it. Maybe I can talk my phone and Internet provider into cutting me some slack, but the rest...?

My friends are pretty low income themselves, and I have no well off, close family members that I could ask for help.

I can't believe this. First I get just about as sick as I've ever been in my life, and now this. I heard the Bates Motel changed management again, so I actually slunk down there and asked the owner if he could give me any work. No dice. Probably just as well at THAT place.

What next? The 7 plagues of Egypt? The Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse? An infestation of Navajo Skin Walkers?