Humor...I Need Humor...

slang · 03-03-2006, 08:43 PM

A funny thing happend to me the other day and I thought this might be the best place to post it. This is way too long but maybe worth the time to read.

As some of you may know, I am in full blown active protest mode over a variety of automobile related costs and hassles and ride my bike most everywhere nowdays. Many of you know me in person and can attest to my strangeness in general and this story will be all that much more real.

My temporary "home" is exactly five miles from the office. It just worked out that way by chance at the beggining of this conrtract but has come to be perfect for my routine.

I do own a car and it runs although it's not in great shape. I've parked it in one of the larger parking lots near work and check on it once in a while. The situation is that it's unsafe to drive so I just keep it around in it's current condition until it's time to relocate and then some moderate work will make it all better.

Most of the time my work day starts at 5 am so leaving home at 4 am with a 5 mile ride is the norm.

This is obviously not something that you want to attempt at home and poses some serious inconveniences. It also has some spectacular health and fitness benefits which is about half of the reason that the bike is my transportation tool. The other half is that I havent bought gas since August 05. F-U-C-K um. I dont need their gas. Not now anyway.

This routine has been the norm for me for the last 6 months or so, so when things happen like this event....it's a surprise.

4:15am North Cincy

slang: (pedalling in the cold but thick early morning air) Thinking to self:....ok now I need this to complete this job for so and so....and so and so owe's me this then I can that....

(passes one empty street.......pedalling, pedalling.....then another...)

( cop car passes me slowly....)

(passes one empty street.......pedalling, pedalling.....then another...)

(cop pulls a car over in the distance)

slang: (sees the lights flashing) Ha! <sarcasm> What the hell are you doing out this early in the morning anyway.....huh!!???.....huh!!?? </sarcasm>

(passes one empty street.......pedalling, pedalling.....then another...)

(passes the car with all the lights shining brightly right into my fucking eyes...shields eyes from the bright light)

(passes one empty street.......pedalling, pedalling.....then another...)

(cop car passes me .....slowly.....again....turns around.....comes back around)

(drives up to the curb in the opposite direction, stops and hits the lights)

slang: (looks behind himself looking in disbelief that he's getting pulled over on a bicycle...and stops ) HUH?? (pulls thinsulate ski mask off)

cop: (Gets out of the cruiser) Excuse me sir....can I see some ID?

slang: ( points finger at self as if to say....who ME? )

cop: Yes, I'm new on third shift and I've not seen too many people out on bikes at 4:20am when it's 25 degrees out. Can I see your ID please?

slang: (starts laughing uncontrollably....holds hands high) I have NEVER been pulled over on a BIKE!!

slang: ( gets ID out of wallet ) So.....ya never saw a man cruising on a bike at 4:20 am in 25 degree weather, eh? Well, ya MUST be new cuz I do this 5 days a week ( still laughing....tearing.....shaking from laughter ) I can tell you......it's better at 25 degrees than it is at 0. (hands over ID)

cop: ( humors the obviously crazy man and smiles politely as he runs the license ) Sure.....I'm sure it is.

cop: So....where ya off to this early in the morning? On a bike.....in 25 degree weather?

slang: Ohh....just out enjoying the weather. ( breaks out laughing again ) No, no...really....I'm going to work. ( Pulls the corp secure ID from holder ...shows the cop)

cop: (nods affirmative after seeing the corp ID) So yer trying to save a little money....gotcha.

slang: I'm out of breath, cold and a bit freaked that I've just been tagged on a bike. To avoid sounding like a complete DUMBASS I'll let you ask the questions instead of trying to explain my routine here.

cop radio: Da-de-du-bleep...slang...rural Pa last known address....37, white male.....no warrants, no arrests, no convictions....<not really> eats his veggies and gets regular exercise</not really>

cop: No, you dont have to explain a thing Mr Slang....I dont want to keep you from your commute....sorry to have botherd you.

slang: No problem ( breaks out laughing again....pulls ski mask on) I'm sure you'll see me again. Have a nice day.

( pedals off down the street again passing a man walking )

man walking: Wad dat cop want wid you, man? Sheeat. Nothin' better to do than hassle us little people.

slang: Just us little people biking in the winter man, just the bikers.

So later after getting to work.....

co-worker: Running a bit late today slang?

slang: Yah, I got pulled over....running a bit later than normal.

co-worker: ( I thought you ride a bike) confused.

03-03-2006, 08:43 PM	#11
slang St Petersburg, Florida Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 3,423	A funny thing happend to me the other day and I thought this might be the best place to post it. This is way too long but maybe worth the time to read. As some of you may know, I am in full blown active protest mode over a variety of automobile related costs and hassles and ride my bike most everywhere nowdays. Many of you know me in person and can attest to my strangeness in general and this story will be all that much more real. My temporary "home" is exactly five miles from the office. It just worked out that way by chance at the beggining of this conrtract but has come to be perfect for my routine. I do own a car and it runs although it's not in great shape. I've parked it in one of the larger parking lots near work and check on it once in a while. The situation is that it's unsafe to drive so I just keep it around in it's current condition until it's time to relocate and then some moderate work will make it all better. Most of the time my work day starts at 5 am so leaving home at 4 am with a 5 mile ride is the norm. This is obviously not something that you want to attempt at home and poses some serious inconveniences. It also has some spectacular health and fitness benefits which is about half of the reason that the bike is my transportation tool. The other half is that I havent bought gas since August 05. F-U-C-K um. I dont need their gas. Not now anyway. This routine has been the norm for me for the last 6 months or so, so when things happen like this event....it's a surprise. 4:15am North Cincy slang: (pedalling in the cold but thick early morning air) Thinking to self:....ok now I need this to complete this job for so and so....and so and so owe's me this then I can that.... (passes one empty street.......pedalling, pedalling.....then another...) ( cop car passes me slowly....) (passes one empty street.......pedalling, pedalling.....then another...) (cop pulls a car over in the distance) slang: (sees the lights flashing) Ha! <sarcasm> What the hell are you doing out this early in the morning anyway.....huh!!???.....huh!!?? </sarcasm> (passes one empty street.......pedalling, pedalling.....then another...) (passes the car with all the lights shining brightly right into my fucking eyes...shields eyes from the bright light) (passes one empty street.......pedalling, pedalling.....then another...) (cop car passes me .....slowly.....again....turns around.....comes back around) (drives up to the curb in the opposite direction, stops and hits the lights) slang: (looks behind himself looking in disbelief that he's getting pulled over on a bicycle...and stops ) HUH?? (pulls thinsulate ski mask off) cop: (Gets out of the cruiser) Excuse me sir....can I see some ID? slang: ( points finger at self as if to say....who ME? ) cop: Yes, I'm new on third shift and I've not seen too many people out on bikes at 4:20am when it's 25 degrees out. Can I see your ID please? slang: (starts laughing uncontrollably....holds hands high) I have NEVER been pulled over on a BIKE!! slang: ( gets ID out of wallet ) So.....ya never saw a man cruising on a bike at 4:20 am in 25 degree weather, eh? Well, ya MUST be new cuz I do this 5 days a week ( still laughing....tearing.....shaking from laughter ) I can tell you......it's better at 25 degrees than it is at 0. (hands over ID) cop: ( humors the obviously crazy man and smiles politely as he runs the license ) Sure.....I'm sure it is. cop: So....where ya off to this early in the morning? On a bike.....in 25 degree weather? slang: Ohh....just out enjoying the weather. ( breaks out laughing again ) No, no...really....I'm going to work. ( Pulls the corp secure ID from holder ...shows the cop) cop: (nods affirmative after seeing the corp ID) So yer trying to save a little money....gotcha. slang: I'm out of breath, cold and a bit freaked that I've just been tagged on a bike. To avoid sounding like a complete DUMBASS I'll let you ask the questions instead of trying to explain my routine here. cop radio: Da-de-du-bleep...slang...rural Pa last known address....37, white male.....no warrants, no arrests, no convictions....<not really> eats his veggies and gets regular exercise</not really> cop: No, you dont have to explain a thing Mr Slang....I dont want to keep you from your commute....sorry to have botherd you. slang: No problem ( breaks out laughing again....pulls ski mask on) I'm sure you'll see me again. Have a nice day. ( pedals off down the street again passing a man walking ) man walking: Wad dat cop want wid you, man? Sheeat. Nothin' better to do than hassle us little people. slang: Just us little people biking in the winter man, just the bikers. So later after getting to work..... co-worker: Running a bit late today slang? slang: Yah, I got pulled over....running a bit later than normal. co-worker: ( I thought you ride a bike) confused.

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