Fear of spiders.

[buttless]

When I was a kid spiders scared the bejeezus out of me. That fear is not nearly as bad as it was then. The only ones that bother be now are those HUGE, menacing, evil black ones that seem to never be in a web. I hate those damn things with a passion.

Before you belittle me because of an irrational fear please know this.
I fully appreciate how spiders fit into the grand scheme of things. Spiders are supposed to be like the unseen employees at Disney World. Like the guys who clean the toilets after one of those horny drunk dwarves upchucks half a bottle of Hood River vodka and then returns to entertain your children. As long as I do not see them all is good

One morning a while back I was getting my morning cup of coffee one of these evil arachnids attempted to kill me. There I was bleary eyed having waken from a wonderful nights slumber when the attack started.

I felt something on top of my foot and was confronted by one of the evil ones. The battle was on. Here is how I dealt with the "Bringer of Death".

1. drop coffee cup, scream like a 3rd grade girl, and shit self

2. take many deep breaths to regain composure

3. grab dish towel and move towards the beast

4. spider stops, and turns around as if to say "bring it on bitch".

5. shit self again

6. drop dish towel so it lands flat with the beast under the center of it

7. fall to knees and pound on dishtowel while screaming "DIE, DIE, DIE!"

8. get another cup of coffee

9. stomp the dishtowel some more

10. get rid of body