I was the Mean Girl

[Trilby]

I must have been.

I've connected lately with some old, old high school chums and a couple women I knew from my first early marriage (age 24) - so a long time ago.


These women are, to the letter, bitter, petty, jealous, self-absorbed, mean and knife-twisting. They are, or they grew into, the Mean Girls.

How could I not see this when I was a teen? I was lead around by the collar - I was so terrified of having NO friends that I accepted whoever or whatever came my way and so much as said, "Hey, asshole, wanna get high?" and I was so low down I couldn't stand up and tell them to fuck right off. They gave scant support then and now you can't get them to shut up about their shitty little lives long enough to take a breath.

I was with the Mean Girls and I didn't even know it. Why can't we live life backwards and be wiser when our bodies are good and you don't need advil every fucking day just to take a walk? My mind is better, my attitude is better, I am NICER than I was - but my body is wrecked and I don't trust or like so many people anymore.

I was talking to a woman I know b/c she dated my first ex hubby soon after we divorced and now I see her at meetings. We are friendly and even supportive of one another but yesterday she started talking smack about what my ex-in laws had said about me TWENTY FUCKING YEARS AGO when I was divorcing their son. WHY did she feel compelled to bring that up? I told her I had another call and got off the phone.

I try to be friends with people but they always end up being fucking assholes.