The Cellar  

Go Back   The Cellar > Main > Home Base

Home Base A starting point, and place for threads don't seem to belong anywhere else

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11-02-2007, 12:19 PM   #1486
Cyclefrance
Pump my ride!
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Deep countryside of Surrey , England
Posts: 1,890
I think this may have been seen before - but worth a second appearance even if so....
Attached Images
 
__________________
Always sufficient hills - never sufficient gears
Cyclefrance is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2007, 01:03 PM   #1487
HungLikeJesus
Only looks like a disaster tourist
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: above 7,000 feet
Posts: 7,208
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cyclefrance View Post
I think this may have been seen before - but worth a second appearance even if so....
Of course, CF... but why are you posting it in the humor thread? Is there something I'm missing?
__________________
Keep Your Bodies Off My Lawn

SteveDallas's Random Thread Picker.
HungLikeJesus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2007, 01:04 PM   #1488
Shawnee123
Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya?
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 21,206
Oh, he's such a fashion maven...the clashing colors just crack him up!
Shawnee123 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2007, 01:14 PM   #1489
Cyclefrance
Pump my ride!
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Deep countryside of Surrey , England
Posts: 1,890
Try this instead then - and not a colour on sight!:

WOMAN'S DIARY:

Saturday 20th October 2007

Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I had been
shopping in the afternoon with the girls and I did turn up a bit late so
thought it might be that. The bar was really crowded and loud so I suggested
we go somewhere quieter to talk. He was still very subdued and
distracted so I suggested we go somewhere nice to eat.

All through dinner he just didn't seem himself; he
hardly laughed and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to
what I was saying. I just knew that something was wrong.
He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was
going to come in; he hesitated but followed.

I asked him again if there was something the matter
but he just half shook his head and turned the television on.

After about 10 minutes of silence, I said I was going upstairs to bed.

I put my arms around him and told him that I loved
him deeply. He just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile. He didn't
follow me up but later he did, and I was surprised when we made love.
He still seemed distant and a bit cold, and I started to think that he
was going to leave me and that he had found someone
else. I cried myself to sleep.


Read on...................





















MANS DIARY:

Saturday 20th October 2007

England lost to South Africa. Gutted. Got a shag though.
__________________
Always sufficient hills - never sufficient gears
Cyclefrance is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2007, 01:15 PM   #1490
Cyclefrance
Pump my ride!
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Deep countryside of Surrey , England
Posts: 1,890
Quote:
Originally Posted by HungLikeJesus View Post
Of course, CF... but why are you posting it in the humor thread? Is there something I'm missing?
We Brits have a strange sense of humour - I mean ' pussies' - cracks me up!
__________________
Always sufficient hills - never sufficient gears
Cyclefrance is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2007, 01:17 PM   #1491
HungLikeJesus
Only looks like a disaster tourist
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: above 7,000 feet
Posts: 7,208
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cyclefrance View Post
We Brits have a strange sense of humour - I mean ' pussies' - cracks me up!
Actually, I thought it was really funny. I was just playing the clueless American.
__________________
Keep Your Bodies Off My Lawn

SteveDallas's Random Thread Picker.
HungLikeJesus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-02-2007, 09:09 PM   #1492
monster
I hear them call the tide
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
yup
__________________
The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart
monster is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2007, 10:28 AM   #1493
ZenGum
Doctor Wtf
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Badelaide, Baustralia
Posts: 12,861
Could we send that map to Miss Teen South Carolina?
__________________
Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008.
Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl.
ZenGum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2007, 12:39 PM   #1494
DanaC
We have to go back, Kate!
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
Quote:
MANS DIARY:

Saturday 20th October 2007

England lost to South Africa. Gutted. Got a shag though.

Very funny
DanaC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-16-2007, 09:29 AM   #1495
Cyclefrance
Pump my ride!
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Deep countryside of Surrey , England
Posts: 1,890
This story happened a while ago in Dublin, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, its true.

John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a storm.

The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door, only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on!!

The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand repeatedly came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.

Shortly thereafter John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.

A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying and.... wasn't drunk.

Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breathe.

Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other..."Look Paddy...there's that f..king idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!!!!"
__________________
Always sufficient hills - never sufficient gears
Cyclefrance is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-18-2007, 07:52 PM   #1496
Aliantha
trying hard to be a better person
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posts: 16,493
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday
Morning; it's a bad one.
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them
Are hurt.
God works in mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling....about women
Drivers; the woman says,
'So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our
Cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we
Should meet and be friends and
Live together in peace for the rest of our days'.

Flattered, the man replies,
'Oh yes, I agree with you completely; this must be a sign from God! But
You're still at fault...women shouldn't be allowed to drive.'

The woman continues,

'And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished
But this bottle of wine didn't break.


Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.'

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement,
Opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands
It back to the man.

The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'

The woman replies, 'No, I think I'll just wait for the police....'

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Women are clever, evil bitches.
Don't mess with us.
__________________
Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber
Aliantha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-19-2007, 04:37 AM   #1497
Cyclefrance
Pump my ride!
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Deep countryside of Surrey , England
Posts: 1,890
Doctor to aging patient: you say you are having trouble with your waterworks, then - how often do you go?
Aging patient: I go regularly every morning at 6.00 am..
Doctor: Really - that's very good. So where's the problem?
Patient: I don't wake up until 7.00 am
__________________
Always sufficient hills - never sufficient gears
Cyclefrance is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-19-2007, 05:53 PM   #1498
xoxoxoBruce
The future is unwritten
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
Bush Issues "Thankfulness List"

In a special pre-Thanksgiving radio address broadcast from the White House, President George W. Bush asked his fellow Americans to join him in giving thanks for the following things:

“My fellow Americans, let’s be thankful for global warming, because as these winter months approach, it makes the world such a nice, toasty place.

“Let’s be thankful for all of the food on our tables, unless some of it is from China.

“Let’s be thankful that Pakistan will have free and fair elections, and maybe someday we will, too.

“Let’s be thankful for the iPhone, except for those losers who actually paid full price for it.

“Let’s be grateful that I didn’t take out a subprime mortgage on the White House like Mr. Cheney told me to.

“Let's be thankful that nuclear weapons haven’t fallen into the hands of the wrong people, like Nancy Pelosi or Rosie O’Donnell.

“Let’s be thankful that Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert’s writers are on strike, and hopefully will stay that way for the rest of my term in office.

“Let's be thankful that even though my approval numbers are falling, they’re still higher than my grades at Yale.

“Let’s be thankful that Osama bin Laden dyed his hair in his last video, because that made him look really gay.

“Let's be thankful for Guitar Hero III, which really helps you get through those long Cabinet meetings when they're going on and on about the economy.

“Let's be thankful that our military commanders have nothing bad to say about the war in Iraq until after they’re retired.

“Let's be thankful that in nine months it will be August and then I can go on summer vacation again.

“And finally, my fellow Americans, let's be thankful that, even though Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize, I’m still a lock for the Nobel War Prize.”
__________________
The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.
xoxoxoBruce is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-25-2007, 10:07 AM   #1499
TheMercenary
“Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo”
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Savannah, Georgia
Posts: 21,393
Many times when I am troubled or confused, I find comfort in sitting in my back
yard and having a glass of wine along with a quiet conversation with Jesus. This
happened to me again after a particularly difficult day.

I said "Jesus, why do I work so hard?" And I heard the reply: "Men
find many ways to demonstrate the love they have for their family. You work hard
to have a peaceful, beautiful place for your friends and family to gather."
I said: "I thought that money was the root of all evil." And the reply
was: "No, the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. Money is a tool; it can
be used for good or bad."

I was starting to feel better, but I still had that one burning question, so I asked
it. "Jesus," I said, "What is the meaning of life? Why am I here?"
He replied, "That is a question many men ask. The answer is in your heart
and is different for everyone. I would love to chat with you some more, Señor,
but now, I have to finish your lawn."
__________________
Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!
TheMercenary is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-27-2007, 02:55 AM   #1500
Aliantha
trying hard to be a better person
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posts: 16,493
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.



The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night,! he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.


Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and see s his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. "

The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "The prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep s * *t."
__________________
Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber
Aliantha is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
humor


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 8 (0 members and 8 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:03 AM.


Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.