Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 174

lumberjim · 03-24-2009, 12:09 AM

probably bad timing.....but current events remind me of this one:

newspaper head line in Poland today:

Plane Crashes in Graveyard:

All 20 passengers and crew dead at scene. Rescue team recovers 115 bodies/

Sheldonrs · 03-24-2009, 11:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SteveDallas

I've been acquainted with more than one male fairy.

And I've fucked 'em.

Nirvana · 03-24-2009, 11:09 AM

Sex in the Dark

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.

Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.

She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit

So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming,
romantic session, she turned on the lights.

She looked down.... and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device... a vibrator!

Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.

She went completely ballistic.

'You impotent bastard,' She screamed at him, 'How could you be lying to me all of these years?

You better explain yourself!'

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:

'I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids.

skysidhe · 03-24-2009, 11:17 AM

http://www.berro.com/_images_3/tweet...y%20prayer.jpg

DanaC · 03-24-2009, 08:37 PM

lol lj.

glatt · 03-25-2009, 03:04 PM

Question: What did the cowboy say to the car salesman?

Answer: "Audi."

(I never said it was good.)

Shawnee123 · 03-25-2009, 03:18 PM

I geegled.

Sheldonrs · 03-25-2009, 03:26 PM

I oughta kick you right in the volvo!!! lol!!!

Crimson Ghost · 03-26-2009, 01:34 AM

After that, he'll need to pop his clutch.

Pie · 03-26-2009, 09:20 AM

How could you a-Ford to make a pun that bad?

Sheldonrs · 03-26-2009, 09:53 AM

It's my Civic duty.

Shawnee123 · 03-26-2009, 10:16 AM

Hemiphobe.

Pie · 03-26-2009, 10:28 AM

One day a secretary is leaving on her lunch break, and she notices her boss standing in front of a shredder with a clueless look on his face. The secretary walks up to him and asks if he needs help.

"Yes!" he says looking and sounding relieved, "This is very important." Glad to help, she turns the shredder on and inserts the paper.

Then her boss says, "Thanks, I'll need two copies."

TheMercenary · 03-28-2009, 11:01 AM

I put this here as an amusement, I can't substantiate the stuff but it was interesting.

SteveDallas · 03-28-2009, 01:55 PM

Quote:

Annually you will shake hands with 6 men who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands.

Quote:

Annually you will shake hands with 11 women who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands.

Do the women masturbate more? Or wash less?

03-24-2009, 12:09 AM	#2596
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	probably bad timing.....but current events remind me of this one: newspaper head line in Poland today: Plane Crashes in Graveyard: All 20 passengers and crew dead at scene. Rescue team recovers 115 bodies/ __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

03-24-2009, 11:09 AM	#2598
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	Sex in the Dark There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down.... and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device... a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. She went completely ballistic. 'You impotent bastard,' She screamed at him, 'How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!' The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: 'I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids. __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

03-25-2009, 03:18 PM	#2602
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	I geegled. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

03-25-2009, 03:26 PM	#2603
Sheldonrs Master Dwellar Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 4,412	I oughta kick you right in the volvo!!! lol!!! __________________ Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and the world laughs AT you.

03-26-2009, 01:34 AM	#2604
Crimson Ghost Larger than life and twice as ugly. Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 5,264	After that, he'll need to pop his clutch. __________________ We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark. I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them, I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period. Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years

03-24-2009, 11:17 AM	#2599
skysidhe ~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~ Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,828	http://www.berro.com/_images_3/tweet...y%20prayer.jpg

03-24-2009, 08:37 PM	#2600
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	lol lj.

03-25-2009, 03:04 PM	#2601
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	Question: What did the cowboy say to the car salesman? Answer: "Audi." (I never said it was good.)

03-26-2009, 09:20 AM	#2605
Pie Gone and done Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 4,808	How could you a-Ford to make a pun that bad? __________________ per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not.

03-26-2009, 09:53 AM	#2606
Sheldonrs Master Dwellar Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 4,412	It's my Civic duty. __________________ Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and the world laughs AT you.

03-26-2009, 10:16 AM	#2607
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Hemiphobe. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

03-26-2009, 10:28 AM	#2608
Pie Gone and done Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 4,808	One day a secretary is leaving on her lunch break, and she notices her boss standing in front of a shredder with a clueless look on his face. The secretary walks up to him and asks if he needs help. "Yes!" he says looking and sounding relieved, "This is very important." Glad to help, she turns the shredder on and inserts the paper. Then her boss says, "Thanks, I'll need two copies." __________________ per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not.

03-28-2009, 11:01 AM	#2609
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	I put this here as an amusement, I can't substantiate the stuff but it was interesting. __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

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