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#2806 |
Doctor Wtf
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Badelaide, Baustralia
Posts: 12,861
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Well, see, there's yer problem.
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Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl. |
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#2807 |
I hear them call the tide
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
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1) Large bolt on the inside of the door goes across when you go to bed
2) Large trashcan filled with water.by the laundry. all clothes found in your way end up in there. 3) bathroom gets a lock on it that requires a key to open 4) Alarm clock ..... check. ![]()
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The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart |
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#2808 |
To shreds, you say?
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet!
Posts: 18,449
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Not to get too personal Pico and not to contradict Pat Benatar but, start using sex (or lack thereof) as a weapon. Let your husband go to bat for you.
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The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs |
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#2809 |
UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 20,012
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Yeah, the stepmom relationship is a sticky one, and your husband is the one you should have a talk with. He needs to fully support you in the things you need done in your house (i.e., if the stepson is an adult then he is a guest and needs to behave as one.) Setting his alarm clock when he's not home is incredibly irritating, and breaking it is an understandable reaction after the umpteenth time. Definitely do not buy him a new one. Have your husband let him know that his alarm clock will mysteriously disappear each time it happens from now on. When he slams the door in the middle of the night, make your husband get out of bed right then to go talk to him about it. His growing wrath over this situation will be enough to fix the stepson's behavior, I'm sure of it.
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#2810 | ||
Are you knock-kneed?
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Middle Hoosierland
Posts: 3,549
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Unfortunately, because I felt like such an idiot for showing my ass by breaking the alarm clock, I gave him the spare I had in the linen closet. He said he didn't want it, and when I closed his door, I heard him throw it on the floor. Probably because before I shut the door, I did tell him that letting it go off when he's not there is inconsiderate and every time it happens it will be taken out of his room. I went down to his room today to check on it and saw that he plugged it in and is using it. I'm pretty sure that right about now, he is feeling justified in his self-righteous anger toward me.
My husband is a bit of a weak link, though, because he doesn't want to be hassled with confrontations. But yeah, its time to direct my attention about this toward my husband. Cause dealing with it myself is making me crazy (and I'm starting to wonder if I'm not like Sundae's Mom... ![]() Quote:
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Jesse LaGreca in 2012 “Seven Deadly Sins: Wealth without work, Pleasure without conscience, Science without humanity, Knowledge without character, Politics without principle, Commerce without morality, Worship without sacrifice.” – Mahatma Gandhi |
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#2811 |
I hear them call the tide
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
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Just do it Pico. The alarm clock was a step in the right direction not the wrong one. You gotta stop letting him treat you like this.
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The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart |
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#2812 |
Goon Squad Leader
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Seattle
Posts: 27,063
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Hiya ME--
You have a very difficult situation there, as you well know, and I can only think out loud here. From this distance, I know practically nothing about your situation, the dynamics in the family etc. Keep in mind, my advice guaranteed valuable, it is worth at least twice what you've paid for it. So... Being a step parent is a tough fucking gig. I know, I am one. I've been a stepson too, so I have some first hand experience there as well. I am an adult child, though as an adult I've never had to live with my parents, step or otherwise. I have had, and do have adult step children living in my home with me. I must say all these step designations are explicit for your benefit since they are not used at all now and haven't been for years. But back in the day when they were merely rebellious repulsive teenagers, the step designation had MUCH more significance. Since then, their mother has become my ex wife; life is better in every way. That's not really what you're talking about though. I understand the logic behind others' talk about enlisting the support of your husband. This is good advice by itself. It is good to have support, it is good to have a united parental front. However, I really *don't* like it as the main thrust to improve the situation here because it puts more power/responsibility for your own happiness/peace of mind/etc in the hands of other people, transferring it from your stepson to your husband. He might be nicer about it or more effective about it or whatever, but it is still your reaction, your state of mind. And the actions are still those of your stepson. I don't think this is a move forward as it is a move laterally. Not really progress, though definitely not regression. I think it is more important and more useful to be respected on your own merits. How you earn that respect is ... man... that's huge. That's the whole art of being a parent, of being a grown up. But it is absolutely worth continuously striving for. If he cooperates because you asked him to, that's the best possible outcome, don't you agree? Based on what I've read, I think you are on track with the thought that this is a power struggle. There could be (and probably are) additional considerations like some people are insensitive slobs, or simply thoughtless, etc etc. But I have a suggestion that works equally well with a thoughtless child as it does with an actively or passively hostile child. I learned this waaaay back in the day when their misbehavior was simpler but still felt hostile. It has to do with natural consequences, consistency, and a mechanical dispassion. In the parenting classes I attended it was described as the "broken record" method. Pick a given behavior, like leaving the alarm clock on when he's not there. Remember, KISS, (keep it simple, stupid): tell him what's wrong; the alarm clock is clanging away when he's not there. Tell him what the consequences are when that happens; the alarm clock is taken away. Then enforce the rule every time, but without "showing your ass" (I've been there, it's tough and embarrassing and ineffective and diminishes the respect you've earned. Sux. Keep at it.) Others here have already talked about this, like being confronted immediately about the transgressions (door slamming). Ask Pico how he learned his place in your pack's hierarchy. Lay out the rules and enforce them *consistently*.
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Be Just and Fear Not. |
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#2813 |
To shreds, you say?
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet!
Posts: 18,449
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Honey, If I used sex as a weapon, NATO would be all over me like a cheap suit.
Or were you asking if it happened to me? ![]()
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The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs |
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#2814 |
Person who doesn't update the user title
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 13,002
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Note to foot:
Do NOT use the word 'sex' and the word 'cheap' in the same sentence if you are trying to imply that sex with you is an internationally explosive event. |
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#2815 |
Person who doesn't update the user title
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 13,002
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I'm going to change my name to Inf'Initeč Precious M'O'nkeh.
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#2816 |
To shreds, you say?
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet!
Posts: 18,449
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And you can spell it like this: ∰
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The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs |
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#2817 |
To shreds, you say?
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet!
Posts: 18,449
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OK how about all over me like white on rice? That way I can imply that sex with me would be colored by a bad case of white boy's disease.
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The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs |
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#2818 |
Doctor Wtf
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Badelaide, Baustralia
Posts: 12,861
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Has Pico been trained to "sick-em"?
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Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl. |
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#2819 |
Are you knock-kneed?
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Middle Hoosierland
Posts: 3,549
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lol
Pico would fight to the death for me, which would only take 2 seconds.
__________________
Jesse LaGreca in 2012 “Seven Deadly Sins: Wealth without work, Pleasure without conscience, Science without humanity, Knowledge without character, Politics without principle, Commerce without morality, Worship without sacrifice.” – Mahatma Gandhi |
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#2820 |
I hear them call the tide
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
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I got a haircut. It is short
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__________________
The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart |
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dum, oh the whorror |
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