The Cellar  

Go Back   The Cellar > Main > Home Base

Home Base A starting point, and place for threads don't seem to belong anywhere else

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-01-2009, 05:36 AM   #3016
jujuwwhite
Capnhowdy's #1 smasher
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Rentz, GA
Posts: 339
Nancy Pelosi was touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven car. Suddenly, a cow jumps out into the road, they hit it full on, and the car comes to a stop. Nancy , in her usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur:

'You get out and check - you were driving.'

The chauffeur gets out, checks, and reports that the animal is dead but it was old.

'You were driving; go and tell the farmer,' says Nancy ..

Two hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, smeared with lipstick, hair ruffled with a big grin on his face.

My God, what happened to you?' asks Nancy .

The chauffeur replies: 'When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of malt whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love to me.'

'What on earth did you say?' asks Nancy .

'I just knocked on the door and when it was answered, I said to them: 'I'm Nancy Pelosi’s chauffeur, and I've just killed the old cow.'
__________________
I don't suffer from insanity...i enjoy every moment of it.
jujuwwhite is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2009, 07:05 AM   #3017
capnhowdy
Blatantly Homosapien
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 6,200
I'm ripping that for work today.
__________________
Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.
capnhowdy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2009, 09:23 AM   #3018
glatt
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 27,717
A wise man once said "THIS IS NOT THE POLITICS THREAD, PEOPLE."
glatt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2009, 12:35 PM   #3019
classicman
barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy.
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 23,401
So all political humor is forbidden? WTH? C'mon, thats still funny.
__________________
"like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt
classicman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2009, 12:45 PM   #3020
capnhowdy
Blatantly Homosapien
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 6,200
Really.
__________________
Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.
capnhowdy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2009, 12:52 PM   #3021
monster
I hear them call the tide
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
She's a politician?
__________________
The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart
monster is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2009, 12:53 PM   #3022
Radar
Constitutional Scholar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Ocala, FL
Posts: 4,006
Quote:
Originally Posted by glatt View Post
A wise man once said "THIS IS NOT THE POLITICS THREAD, PEOPLE."

Not only that, the joke is in a previous post with Hillary Clinton so it's not only lame, it's tired too
__________________
"I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death."
- George Carlin
Radar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2009, 03:12 PM   #3023
lumberjim
I can hear my ears
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 25,571
....which also can be said of politics in general.
__________________
This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality
Embrace this moment, remember
We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan
lumberjim is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2009, 03:51 PM   #3024
monster
I hear them call the tide
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
Happy pills needed in aisle 9, Happy pills to aisle 9.
__________________
The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart
monster is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2009, 03:59 PM   #3025
classicman
barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy.
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 23,401
Quote:
Originally Posted by Radar View Post
it's not only lame, it's tired too
Quote:
Originally Posted by lumberjim View Post
....which also can be said of radar in general.
I agree














__________________
"like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt
classicman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2009, 09:08 PM   #3026
capnhowdy
Blatantly Homosapien
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 6,200
I thought it was a good joke. She's a newb and NOT a politician. Can we ease up, people? Hell ... I'm almost afraid to invite someone here. If we don't want any new people, somebody tell me. You want to corner the Cellar with the regulars we have? Throw me a bone.

Radar... you don't run the Cellar. Shut the fuck up and ROLL with it. JFChrist!
__________________
Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.
capnhowdy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2009, 09:14 PM   #3027
monster
I hear them call the tide
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
Q1: Mum, can I please have a cat for Christmas:
Ans: No. You'll have turkey the same us the rest of us.

Q2: What's the most popular Christmas wine?
Ans: 'I don't like Brussels sprouts!'

Q3: Why do Canadians find turkey so popular at Christmas?
Ans: Because the weather warmer there.

Q4: Why would you invite a mushroom to a Christmas party?
Ans: He's a fun guy to be with.
__________________
The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart
monster is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2009, 09:17 PM   #3028
monster
I hear them call the tide
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
Why is Christmas just like another day at the office?
You end up doing all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
__________________
The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart
monster is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2009, 09:18 PM   #3029
monster
I hear them call the tide
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
It was just before Christmas, and the magistrate was in a happy mood. He asked the prisoner in the dock 'What are you charged with?'

The prisoner replied, 'Doing my Christmas shopping too early'.

'That's no crime', said the magistrate. 'Just how early were you doing this shopping?'

'Before the shop opened'

- - - - -



Moira lost her handbag in the hustle and bustle of Christmas shopping in Oxford Street, London.

A small boy found it and he returned to her. Looking in her purse, Moira reasoned, 'Hmmm.... that's strange. When I lost my bag there was a £20 note in it. Now there are four £5 notes.'

The boy quickly replied with a charming smile and in a cockney accent, 'That's right, madam. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward.'
__________________
The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart
monster is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2009, 09:22 PM   #3030
monster
I hear them call the tide
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
Maria went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.' What denomination?' asked the clerk. 'Oh! Good heavens! Have we come to this?' said Maria, 'Well give me 50 Methodist and 50 Church of England ones please.'
__________________
The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart
monster is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
humor


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 27 (0 members and 27 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:01 PM.


Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.