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Old 10-11-2010, 11:17 PM   #3706
Nirvana
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A mom was cleaning her son's bedroom & found bondage & fetish mags. She asks her husband what to do. He replies 'whatever u do don't f****n spank him!'
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Old 10-13-2010, 09:03 PM   #3707
spudcon
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"Obama has a considerable ego." --New Yorker columnist David Remnick
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Old 10-14-2010, 03:00 AM   #3708
Gravdigr
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These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.
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Old 10-14-2010, 03:03 AM   #3709
xoxoxoBruce
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The huge college freshman figured he'd try out for the football team.
"Can you tackle?" asked the coach.
"Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters
"Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?"
"Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash.
"Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?"
The freshman rolled his eyes, hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."
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Old 10-14-2010, 03:25 PM   #3710
Sheldonrs
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This has probably been posted already but it's worth another run.

Blasphunny:
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Old 10-15-2010, 12:40 AM   #3711
xoxoxoBruce
The future is unwritten
 
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A police motorcycle cop stops a driver for running a red light.
The guy is a real jerk and comes running back to the officer
Demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!
So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The
Motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's
Ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit terms.
The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything.

When he gets done with writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in
The lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket.
He then hands it to the 'violator' for his signature. The guy
Signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy
Points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for.
The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember
That you're an asshole!"

Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has such a bad
Driving record he is about to lose his license and has hired a lawyer
To represent him. On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man
Run the red light. Under cross examination the defense attorney asks;
"Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket you issued my client?"
Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature
And mine, same number at the top.
Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this
Ticket you don't normally make?"
"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined."
"What does the "AH" stand for, officer?"
"Aggressive and hostile, Sir."
"Aggressive and hostile?"
"Yes, Sir?
"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for asshole?"
"Well, sir, you know your client better than I do!"
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Old 10-15-2010, 07:14 PM   #3712
classicman
barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy.
 
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He said She said ,,,,,,,,

He said to me ..... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
I said to him ..... You wear underwear don't you?

He said to me ..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said.... That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart.

He said to me.... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him ..... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said to me ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him ..... They don't have time.

He said to me..... How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him ..... I don't know; it has never happened.

He said to me..... Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good-looking?
I said to him ..... They already have boyfriends.

He said.....What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
I said..... A widow.

He said to me..... Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him ..... Single women come home, check the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
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Old 10-18-2010, 09:51 PM   #3713
toranokaze
I'm still a jerk
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by footfootfoot View Post
I saw MONNIE, boy she is HOT. I could hardly stop masturbating."
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Old 10-18-2010, 10:49 PM   #3714
footfootfoot
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Nice to see you again, tora.
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Old 10-18-2010, 11:09 PM   #3715
toranokaze
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Posts: 1,817
Quote:
I saw footfootfoot, boy that is HOT. I could hardly stop masturbating.
Good to see you too
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Old 10-19-2010, 10:36 AM   #3716
xoxoxoBruce
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,
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Old 10-19-2010, 11:10 AM   #3717
monster
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ha!
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Old 10-19-2010, 05:50 PM   #3718
monster
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Lamebook
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Old 10-19-2010, 07:34 PM   #3719
jimhelm
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oh shit.... im crying....

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Old 10-19-2010, 11:05 PM   #3720
monster
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yah, that was the one that made me post it.....
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