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04-26-2010, 03:37 AM
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#361 |
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Professor
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Brest (FRANCE)
Posts: 1,837
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Q: What's a nigger in the Mississipi ?
A: Pollution. Q: What are all the niggers in the Mississipi ? A: Solution Did you say tasteless ? Yeah ! |
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04-27-2010, 04:03 AM
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#362 |
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Professor
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Brest (FRANCE)
Posts: 1,837
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Q: What's the difference between a normal dog and a French dog ?
A: A normal dog has its asshole under the tail, the French dog has its asshole at the end of the leash. |
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05-05-2010, 10:25 AM
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#363 |
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Professor
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Brest (FRANCE)
Posts: 1,837
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George Bush, the Pope, Michael Jackson and three kids are on a plane.
The plane is crashing and their only three parachutes. The Pope says "Save The Children!" George Bush says "F*** The Children!" And MIchael Jackson goes "Is There Time?"
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"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce |
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05-11-2010, 05:48 AM
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#364 |
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Professor
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Brest (FRANCE)
Posts: 1,837
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Q: What animal has 4 legs and 1 arm ?
A: A pitbull in kindergarden.
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"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce |
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05-13-2010, 02:52 AM
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#365 |
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Pithy Euphemist
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 19
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Clean "Tomatoes" Joke
A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!" |
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05-13-2010, 08:40 AM
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#366 |
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Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya?
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 21,206
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Mrs Mia Wallace
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A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby |
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05-14-2010, 05:25 AM
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#367 |
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trying hard to be a better person
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posts: 16,493
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Yeah...I was going to post pulp fiction. lol
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Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber |
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05-15-2010, 03:24 AM
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#368 |
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Pithy Euphemist
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 19
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The whole world could be happy
Bill Clinton, Hillary Ramrod Clinton, Al Gore, and Tipper Gore are flying aboard Air Force 1 on their way to visit the Communists to share their success stories about taxing Americans. Bill: "Why don't I throw this hundred dollar bill out the window and make someone very happy." Hillary: "Well, why don't you throw ten hundred dollar bills out the window and make ten people happy." Al: "Why don't you two jump out the window and make me and Tipper happy." Tipper: "Why don't we all jump out the window and make everybody throughout the United States and world happy." |
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05-15-2010, 03:26 AM
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#369 |
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Pithy Euphemist
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 19
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The guide to wife translations
The wife says: You want The wife means: You want The wife says: We need The wife means: I want The wife says: It's your decision The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious The wife says: Do what you want The wife means: You'll pay for this later The wife says: We need to talk The wife means: I need to complain The wife says: Sure... go ahead The wife means: I don't want you to The wife says: I'n not upset The wife means: Of course I'm upset you moron The wife says: You're ... so manly The wife means: You need a shave and sweat a lot The wife says: Be romantic, turn out the lights The wife means: I have flabby thighs. The wife says: This kitchen is so inconvenient The wife means: I want a new house. The wife says: I want new curtains. The wife means: Also carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper! The wife says: I need wedding shoes. The wife means: The other forty pairs are the wrong shade of white. The wife says: Hang the picture there The wife means: No, I mean hang it there! The wife says: I heard a noise The wife means: I noticed you were almost asleep. The wife says: Do you love me? The wife means: I'm going to ask for something expensive. The wife says: How much do you love me? The wife means: I did something today you're not going to like. The wife says: I'll be ready in a minute. The wife means: Kick off your shoes and take an hour nap. The wife says: Am I fat? The wife means: Tell me I'm beautiful. The wife says: You have to learn to communicate. The wife means: Just agree with me. The wife says: Are you listening to me? The wife means: [Too late, your doomed.] The wife says: Yes The wife means: No The wife says: No The wife means: No The wife says: Maybe The wife means: No The wife says: I'm sorry The wife means: You'll be sorry The wife says: Do you like this recipe? The wife means: You better get used to it The wife says: All we're going to buy is a soap dish The wife means: I'm coming back with enough to fill this place. The wife says: Was that the baby? The wife means: Get out of bed and walk him The wife says: I'm not yelling! The wife means: Yes I am! I think this is important! In answer to the question "What's wrong?" The wife says: The same old thing. The wife means: Nothing. The wife says: Nothing. The wife means: Everything. The wife says: Nothing, really. The wife means: It's just that you're an idiot. The wife says: I don't want to talk about it. The wife means: I'm still building up steam. |
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05-19-2010, 08:54 AM
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#370 |
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Professor
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Brest (FRANCE)
Posts: 1,837
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Q: How can you make a dog sound like a cat?
A: Put the dog 24 hours in the freezer. Fire up a circular saw and .... Mmmmmeeeeeoooooooow....
__________________
"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce |
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05-19-2010, 10:33 AM
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#371 |
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Radical Centrist
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Cottage of Prussia
Posts: 31,423
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How do you make a cat sound like a dog?
Soak it in gasoline, light a match and ... Wooooooooooooof |
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05-20-2010, 03:26 AM
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#372 |
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Pithy Euphemist
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 19
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05-20-2010, 04:51 AM
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#373 |
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Professor
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Brest (FRANCE)
Posts: 1,837
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Q: What's the difference between jam and jelly?
A: You can not "jelly" your girlfriend's ass!
__________________
"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce |
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05-20-2010, 09:48 AM
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#374 | ||
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I hear them call the tide
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
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Quote:
Quote:
 you bad boys.
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The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart |
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05-21-2010, 08:45 AM
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#375 |
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Professor
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Brest (FRANCE)
Posts: 1,837
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Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence....
.....a life sentence.
__________________
"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce |
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