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02-03-2012, 02:31 PM
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#4411 | |
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Master Dwellar
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 4,412
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Quote:
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Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and the world laughs AT you. |
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02-03-2012, 08:24 PM
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#4412 |
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Goon Squad Leader
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Seattle
Posts: 27,063
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gives new meaning to the term "pre-boned"
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Be Just and Fear Not. |
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02-05-2012, 03:39 PM
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#4413 |
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The Un-Tuckian
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: South Central...KY that is
Posts: 39,517
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From e-mail:
__________________
 These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off. |
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02-06-2012, 12:38 PM
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#4415 |
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barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy.
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 23,401
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A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After regaining control of the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand, but after changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.' Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.' Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
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"like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt |
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02-06-2012, 07:42 PM
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#4416 |
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Junior Master Dwellar
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 2,728
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A woman rushes into the lobby of a large hotel and sprints up to the reception desk. Seeing that the only member of staff is talking on the phone, she hammers on the bell for service. The man at the desk slowly puts down the phone. "Yes?" he says, annoyed. "Excuse me," says the woman, "I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out, please?" The clerk stares at her for a second and looks her up and down. "Not bad," he smiles. "Not bad at all."
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02-06-2012, 08:54 PM
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#4417 |
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erika
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: "the high up north"
Posts: 6,127
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not really back, you didn't see me, i was never here shhhhhh |
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02-06-2012, 10:28 PM
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#4418 |
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Turns out my CRS is a symptom of TMB.
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Chicago suburbs
Posts: 2,916
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Well, yeah. But Dr. Seuss made it sound more fun.
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   Talk nerdy to me. |
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02-06-2012, 10:51 PM
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#4419 |
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erika
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: "the high up north"
Posts: 6,127
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And indoctrinated a generation of children in the best way possible.
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not really back, you didn't see me, i was never here shhhhhh |
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02-07-2012, 11:41 AM
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#4420 |
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Junior Master Dwellar
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 2,728
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Walking into the bar, Harvey said to the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one, Eddie. I just had another fight with the wife." "Oh yeah," said Eddie. "And how did this one end?" "When it was over," Harvey replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees." "Really? wow ! What did she say"? "She said, 'come out from under that bed, you gutless coward !!!
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02-07-2012, 12:28 PM
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#4421 |
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a beautiful fool
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: 39.939705
Posts: 4,504
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an old one that I was reminded of by a cartoon posted on facebook:
So, I was sitting in the bar the other night, and this bombshell saunters in. She's got huge low slung boobs cradled in a low cut silk evening gown, legs up to here, and full rounded hips that would make men crash cars. She runway walks straight toward me, and sits in the seat next to me. I was quite breathless by now. After a few moments and several stolen glances my way, she leans over to me and asks, "Hey, you smell really nice.... What do you have on?" I said, without thinking, " A hard-on, but I didn't think you could smell it!" she slapped me.
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There's a Shadow just behind me. Shrouding every step I take. Making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. _tool |
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02-07-2012, 01:54 PM
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#4423 |
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Person who doesn't update the user title
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 13,002
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So, these two guys are walkin down the street. One guy turns to the other guy and says "Have you seen your shoes?"
"No," replied the second guy. "Why do you ask?" "Because," said the first guy "THEY'RE ON YOUR FEET." (And that's when the second guy bludgeoned the first guy to death.) 
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02-07-2012, 02:45 PM
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#4424 |
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To shreds, you say?
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet!
Posts: 18,449
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Do I laugh now?
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The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs |
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02-07-2012, 02:48 PM
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#4425 |
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Person who doesn't update the user title
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 13,002
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Depends.
When did you laugh at the other jokes? 
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