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06-17-2012, 10:20 PM | #4591 |
Not Suspicious, Merely Canadian
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 3,774
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Nice. Better than nice! My new mantra!
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The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi |
06-18-2012, 02:23 AM | #4592 |
The future is unwritten
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
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An organization and methods engineer submitted this report after visiting the Royal Festival Hall:
For considerable periods the four oboe players had nothing to do. Their numbers should be reduced, and the work spread more evenly over the whole of the concert, thus eliminating peaks of activity. All the twelve violins were playing identical notes. This seems unnecessary multiplication. The staff of this section should be drastically cut; if a large volume of sound is required, it could be obtained by means of electronic amplifiers. Much effort was absorbed in the playing of demisemiquavers. This seems to be an unnecessary refinement. It is recommended that all notes should be rounded up to the nearest semiquaver. If this were done it would be possible to use trainees and lower grade operatives more extensively. There seems to be too much repetition of some musical passages. Scores should be drastically pruned. No useful purpose is served by repeating on the horns a passage which has already been handled by the strings. It is estimated that if all redundant passages were eliminated, the whole concert time of two hours could be reduced to twenty minutes, and there would be no need for an interval. The Conductor agrees generally with these recommendations, but expresses the opinion that there might be some falling-off in box-office receipts. In that unlikely event it should be possible to close sections of the auditorium entirely, with a consequential saving of overhead expenses — lighting, attendants, etc. If the worst came to the worst, the whole thing could be abandoned and the public could go to the Albert Hall instead.
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The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. |
06-18-2012, 11:08 PM | #4593 | |
erika
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: "the high up north"
Posts: 6,127
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They posted that bit on my absolute favorite random-fun-trivia-and-shit blog Futility Closet (An idler's miscellany of compendious amusements) the other day, Bruce. Love it.
Pulled this off there too. Apologies for uh not knowing how to superscript numbers on here. Quote:
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06-19-2012, 12:32 AM | #4594 | |
The future is unwritten
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
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Humor is the only appropriate place for this.
Quote:
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The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. |
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06-19-2012, 12:52 AM | #4595 |
erika
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: "the high up north"
Posts: 6,127
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Bruce, bruce, bruce...
that's christwire, bruce. Poe's law.
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not really back, you didn't see me, i was never here shhhhhh |
06-19-2012, 12:55 AM | #4596 |
erika
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: "the high up north"
Posts: 6,127
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This really gives it away.
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not really back, you didn't see me, i was never here shhhhhh |
06-19-2012, 02:45 AM | #4598 |
The future is unwritten
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
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I told you it belongs in humor.
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The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. |
06-19-2012, 09:52 AM | #4599 |
erika
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: "the high up north"
Posts: 6,127
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I just figured that if you were calling the author "this fool" you musta been missing something.
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not really back, you didn't see me, i was never here shhhhhh |
06-20-2012, 09:22 AM | #4600 |
barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy.
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 23,401
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Two blonds were sipping their Starbuck's when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of sod.
"I'm going to do that when I win the lottery," announced Blond #1. "Do what?" asked Blond #2. "Send my lawn out to be mowed."
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"like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt |
06-20-2012, 02:03 PM | #4601 |
Goon Squad Leader
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Seattle
Posts: 27,063
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haaaahahahahah!!
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Be Just and Fear Not. |
06-20-2012, 03:18 PM | #4602 |
Person who doesn't update the user title
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 13,002
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I like a blond joke that is about men.
Typically all you hear are blonde jokes. A blond joke is rare, but better. What, you assumed women? |
06-20-2012, 07:52 PM | #4603 |
To shreds, you say?
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet!
Posts: 18,449
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A blond walks up to the counter and says in a loud voice, "I'd like a cheeseburger, fries and a large coke."
The woman behind the counter says, "Umm, this is a library." The Blond leans closer and whispers, "I'd like a cheeseburger, fries, and a large coke."
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The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs |
06-22-2012, 09:38 PM | #4604 |
barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy.
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 23,401
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A very prestigious cardiologist died and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life....
A huge heart... covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that point, one of the mourners just -burst- into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, 'I am so sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral... I'm a gynecologist. The proctologist fainted.
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"like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt Last edited by classicman; 06-22-2012 at 09:49 PM. |
06-22-2012, 10:20 PM | #4605 |
Goon Squad Leader
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Location: Seattle
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There were three men and a woman who all died and met with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. The first man steps up to St. Peter and St. Peter asks, "What do you want?"
The man says "I want to come into heaven." So St. Peter checks his list and says, "Well, you can't because when you were alive all you wanted was money. Money, money, money. You were so fond of money that you even married a girl named Penny!" So the first man left and the second man stepped up and St. Peter said, "What do you want?" The second man replied, "I want to come into heaven." So St. Peter checks his list and says, "Well, you can't because when you were alive all you did was drink. Drink, drink, drink. You were so fond of drinking that you even married a girl named Brandy!" So the second man left but before St. Peter could ask the third man what he wanted, the third man says to the woman who died with him, his wife, "Well, let's go Fanny."
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Be Just and Fear Not. |
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