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08-07-2012, 06:39 PM | #4652 |
trying hard to be a better person
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Location: Brisbane, Australia
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Drunk Driver - True story from Australia
Only an Aussie could pull this one off ! A true story from Mount Isa in Queensland .. Recently a routine Police patrol car parked outside a local neighbourhood pub late in the evening. The officer noticed a man (Luke Sandery) leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles. The man managed to find his car, which he fell into.He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night). Then flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few metres, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left. At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the road. The Police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyser test. To his amazement the breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man's intoxication. The Police officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station - this breathalyser equipment must be broken." "I doubt it," said the man, "tonight I'm the designated decoy"..
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08-07-2012, 09:03 PM | #4653 |
To shreds, you say?
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True old joke from Australia.
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08-07-2012, 11:38 PM | #4654 |
trying hard to be a better person
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I just copied it wholus bolus. I'm not sure of the validity.
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Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber |
08-12-2012, 11:09 PM | #4655 |
barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy.
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Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding. Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one. Officer: Don't have one? Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving. Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Woman: I can't do that. Officer: Why not? Woman: I stole this car. Officer: Stole it? Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer: You what? Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. Woman: Is there a problem sir? Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Woman: Murdered the owner? Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am? Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The first officer is stunned. Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too...
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09-17-2012, 05:40 PM | #4656 |
The Un-Tuckian
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Dogfish.
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09-20-2012, 05:34 PM | #4657 |
The Un-Tuckian
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These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off. |
09-30-2012, 06:32 PM | #4658 |
The Un-Tuckian
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These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off. |
10-02-2012, 12:49 PM | #4660 |
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Be Just and Fear Not. |
10-03-2012, 05:09 PM | #4661 | |
The Un-Tuckian
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Location: South Central...KY that is
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Quote:
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These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off. |
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10-03-2012, 11:01 PM | #4662 |
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My Father is a Gay Dancer
A fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living.
All the typical answers came up - fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman...and so forth. However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes to music in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money." The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and took little Justin aside."Is that really true about your father?" "No," the boy said, "He works for the *********** National Committee and is helping to get their candidate elected, but it's too embarrassing to say that in front of the other kids."
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Be Just and Fear Not. Last edited by BigV; 10-04-2012 at 12:22 AM. |
10-04-2012, 12:21 AM | #4663 |
Doctor Wtf
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Badelaide, Baustralia
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Sorry, V, but that is a for blatant political humor in the general humor thread.
Isn't there a political jokes thread for that?
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Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl. |
10-04-2012, 12:23 AM | #4664 |
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better?
I don't think there's a thread for political jokes ... pictures, yeah, jokes, no.
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Be Just and Fear Not. |
10-04-2012, 12:37 AM | #4665 |
Doctor Wtf
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Badelaide, Baustralia
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Come to search for it ... no, it doesn't seem there is.
Imma make one. ETA here ya go http://cellar.org/showthread.php?p=832978
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Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl. Last edited by ZenGum; 10-04-2012 at 12:42 AM. |
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