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03-22-2014, 02:53 PM
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#5041 |
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I can hear my ears
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 25,571
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I have probably told this one before. Possibly in this thread, even. But since I just did paperwork for a gastroenterologist, I was reminded of the time I did a deal with a proctologist.
The proctologist sat down to sign his paperwork, and when I offered him a pen he reached into his shirt pocket and said "Oh I have one already" , but then he looked down in surprise to find a rectal thermometer in his hand. "Damnit, " he said." Some asshole has my pen! "
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This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan |
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03-22-2014, 02:58 PM
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#5042 |
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still says videotape
Join Date: Feb 2001
Posts: 26,813
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Ha!
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If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis |
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03-22-2014, 04:36 PM
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#5043 | |
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Person who doesn't update the user title
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: La Crosse, WI
Posts: 8,924
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Quote:
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Annoy the ones that ignore you!!! I live a blessed life I Love my Country, I Fear the Government!!! Heavily medicated for the good of mankind. |
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03-23-2014, 03:31 PM
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#5044 |
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The Un-Tuckian
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: South Central...KY that is
Posts: 39,517
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__________________
 These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off. |
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03-25-2014, 04:21 PM
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#5045 |
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The Un-Tuckian
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: South Central...KY that is
Posts: 39,517
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This may take on more meaning for me in the coming weeks...
__________________
These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off. |
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03-26-2014, 06:25 PM
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#5046 |
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Goon Squad Leader
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Seattle
Posts: 27,063
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ruh-roh....
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Be Just and Fear Not. |
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04-02-2014, 05:24 PM
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#5047 |
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The Un-Tuckian
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: South Central...KY that is
Posts: 39,517
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The best joke you'll hear today.
__________________
These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off. |
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04-03-2014, 03:01 PM
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#5048 |
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polaroid of perfection
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: West Yorkshire
Posts: 24,185
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Most excellent, Grav.
Eta, where's Baby gone?
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Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac |
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04-03-2014, 04:24 PM
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#5049 |
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I hear them call the tide
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
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became a toddler?
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The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart |
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04-05-2014, 04:00 PM
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#5050 | |
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The Un-Tuckian
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: South Central...KY that is
Posts: 39,517
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Quote:
__________________
These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off. |
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04-10-2014, 09:10 PM
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#5051 |
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UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 20,012
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Why do teen girls always group themselves in odd numbers?
Because what is this they can't even. |
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04-15-2014, 08:14 PM
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#5052 |
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I hear them call the tide
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
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The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart |
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04-15-2014, 10:47 PM
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#5053 | |
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To shreds, you say?
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet!
Posts: 18,449
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Quote:
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The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs |
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04-19-2014, 10:12 AM
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#5054 |
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B.O.F.
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Pa.
Posts: 79
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Many years ago I owned a hobby shop and one of the lines I sold was astronomical telescopes. Along with them I carried books and magazines about astronomy. One day my son stopped in to visit and we were looking at one of the sky charts of the night sky. We were finding some of the stars and the planets that would be visible. Then he asked "where is the Earth on this chart?" I pointed to the skyline on the edge of the chart and said, "You would be standing on it."
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04-19-2014, 10:22 AM
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#5055 |
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B.O.F.
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Pa.
Posts: 79
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Just before I married my wife (the 2nd one, the current one, the one that worked out,) We were living in an apartment, getting ready to go to a family get together at her father's. His wife had 4 daughters with several children each so there was usually a lot of people there. My wife was looking for something to wear, so I threw her a pair of my pants, she put them on and they fit, so she wore them. When we got there we went into the kitchen (a rather large one) where almost everyone had gathered, my wife walked in and said to her mom, "Guess what I did today? I got into Warren's pants." Everyone gasped and several commented that she shouldn't say things like that. Then she stepped back, grabbed the belt loops and said, "And look, I'm still in them".
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