Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 370

Snakeadelic · 12-30-2016, 08:58 AM

...and just for grins...this one's scary-old and still so true...

BigV · 12-30-2016, 10:48 AM

That guy's tool problem is plane to see.

glatt · 12-30-2016, 03:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Snakeadelic

The thought of my Brian-Froud-autographed Dark Crystal graphic novel bought new in 1982 (autographed in the late 90s) going for a quarter at a rummage sale can really get me riled up.

It might be worth more than a quarter, but only if you can find the right buyer. And consider if those buyers are going to be unloading their own collections at the time he's trying to sell it.

Consider the value of beanie babies today. Collectibles markets can be a funny thing.

[/says the guy who just had to unload his cousin's lifelong stamp collection]

classicman · 12-31-2016, 01:38 PM

What glatt said. My 100+ different Beer can collection is worth about a quarter of what it was 20 years ago.

Gravdigr · 01-01-2017, 05:52 PM

I wonder if my 113 different Red Dog beer bottle caps are worth anything?

I wouldn't take less than four blue Skittles for them.

classicman · 01-02-2017, 10:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by classicman

What glatt said. My 100+ different Beer can collection is worth about a quarter of what it was 20 years ago.

eh hem I see I screwed up there. It should say 1000+ unique cans.
I also have a few bottles, signs etc.

xoxoxoBruce · 01-06-2017, 05:06 PM

For years Dr. Benson had left his office and gone to Teddy's Bar where Teddy would fix him a daiquiri laced with crushed pecans. One day, however, Teddy ran out of pecans so he substituted with hickory nuts. Dr. Benson sat down and took a sip under Teddy's watchful eyes. He frowned. "Say, Teddy, this isn't an almond daiquiri. Just what is it?"

"I can't lie to ya" Teddy said. "It's hickory daiquiri, Doc".

Pico and ME · 01-06-2017, 05:18 PM

..the mouse ran up the clock

Shoot, I got the wrong thread again

Gravdigr · 01-08-2017, 05:28 PM

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Gravdigr · 01-09-2017, 06:25 PM

Two matronly sisters lived together and managed a farm. For years both had an extreme fear of thunder storms and lightning.

One day one of the sisters was visiting a neighbor, and while walking home was caught in a severe thunder storm. Lightning was streaking across the sky and thunder was booming all around. Being totally terrified, she ran to a nearby haystack and buried her head in the hay like an ostrich, so she could not see the lightning or hear the thunder.

With her head buried in the hay, her rear end was exposed, and the wind blew her dress up exposing the long unused part of her anatomy.

Along comes the local stud, and seeing the poor souls predicament, he did the only thing a well endowed stud would do in such a situation. After fully satisfying himself he zipped his pants and went on his merry way.

Soon the sister pulled her head out of the haystack and rushed home, calling to her sister, "Sissy, Sissy, let me tell you something! If you ever get struck by lightning, you'll never be afraid again!!"

xoxoxoBruce · 01-09-2017, 09:23 PM

This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her pussy. "Put your finger in me..." she asks him. So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning. "Put two fingers in..." she says. So in goes another one. She's really starting to get worked up when she says "Put your whole hand in!" The guy's like "OK!" So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning aloud "Put both your hands inside of me!!! So the guy puts both of his hands in!
"Now clap your hands..." commands the girl. "I can't" says the guy.
The girl looks at him and says "See, I told you I had a tight pussy!"

katfiche · 01-10-2017, 02:00 AM

So, a mushroom walks into a bar, everyone goes quiet and the bartender stops wiping the glass he had in hand.

There's an uncomfortable pause and then the bartender speaks up, "Hey, we don't serve your kind here".

The mushroom just shrugs and says, "But, I'm a fun guy."

--works better with oral recitation.

xoxoxoBruce · 01-10-2017, 04:51 AM

Clodfobble · 01-10-2017, 09:12 AM

That was THE joke when I was in high school. Like, it got told every day. And then we were told we had to stop, not because it was annoying, but because it was not a good idea to throw around the phrase "we don't serve your kind here."

footfootfoot · 01-10-2017, 01:37 PM

I'd only heard that as "Why did the mushroom have so many dates?"

12-30-2016, 08:58 AM	#5536
Snakeadelic Banned Join Date: May 2015 Posts: 660	...and just for grins...this one's scary-old and still so true... Attached Images

12-30-2016, 10:48 AM	#5537
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	That guy's tool problem is plane to see. __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

12-31-2016, 01:38 PM	#5539
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	What glatt said. My 100+ different Beer can collection is worth about a quarter of what it was 20 years ago. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

01-01-2017, 05:52 PM	#5540
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	I wonder if my 113 different Red Dog beer bottle caps are worth anything? I wouldn't take less than four blue Skittles for them. __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

01-06-2017, 05:06 PM	#5542
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	For years Dr. Benson had left his office and gone to Teddy's Bar where Teddy would fix him a daiquiri laced with crushed pecans. One day, however, Teddy ran out of pecans so he substituted with hickory nuts. Dr. Benson sat down and took a sip under Teddy's watchful eyes. He frowned. "Say, Teddy, this isn't an almond daiquiri. Just what is it?" "I can't lie to ya" Teddy said. "It's hickory daiquiri, Doc". __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

01-06-2017, 05:18 PM	#5543
Pico and ME Are you knock-kneed? Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Middle Hoosierland Posts: 3,549	..the mouse ran up the clock Shoot, I got the wrong thread again __________________ Jesse LaGreca in 2012 “Seven Deadly Sins: Wealth without work, Pleasure without conscience, Science without humanity, Knowledge without character, Politics without principle, Commerce without morality, Worship without sacrifice.” – Mahatma Gandhi

01-08-2017, 05:28 PM	#5544
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	__________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

01-09-2017, 06:25 PM	#5545
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	Two matronly sisters lived together and managed a farm. For years both had an extreme fear of thunder storms and lightning. One day one of the sisters was visiting a neighbor, and while walking home was caught in a severe thunder storm. Lightning was streaking across the sky and thunder was booming all around. Being totally terrified, she ran to a nearby haystack and buried her head in the hay like an ostrich, so she could not see the lightning or hear the thunder. With her head buried in the hay, her rear end was exposed, and the wind blew her dress up exposing the long unused part of her anatomy. Along comes the local stud, and seeing the poor souls predicament, he did the only thing a well endowed stud would do in such a situation. After fully satisfying himself he zipped his pants and went on his merry way. Soon the sister pulled her head out of the haystack and rushed home, calling to her sister, "Sissy, Sissy, let me tell you something! If you ever get struck by lightning, you'll never be afraid again!!" __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

01-09-2017, 09:23 PM	#5546
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her pussy. "Put your finger in me..." she asks him. So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning. "Put two fingers in..." she says. So in goes another one. She's really starting to get worked up when she says "Put your whole hand in!" The guy's like "OK!" So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning aloud "Put both your hands inside of me!!! So the guy puts both of his hands in! "Now clap your hands..." commands the girl. "I can't" says the guy. The girl looks at him and says "See, I told you I had a tight pussy!" __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

01-10-2017, 02:00 AM	#5547
katfiche like a fiche outta water Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Tejas Posts: 19	So, a mushroom walks into a bar, everyone goes quiet and the bartender stops wiping the glass he had in hand. There's an uncomfortable pause and then the bartender speaks up, "Hey, we don't serve your kind here". The mushroom just shrugs and says, "But, I'm a fun guy." --works better with oral recitation.

01-10-2017, 04:51 AM	#5548
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	__________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

01-10-2017, 09:12 AM	#5549
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	That was THE joke when I was in high school. Like, it got told every day. And then we were told we had to stop, not because it was annoying, but because it was not a good idea to throw around the phrase "we don't serve your kind here." __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

01-10-2017, 01:37 PM	#5550
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	I'd only heard that as "Why did the mushroom have so many dates?" __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

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