What's upsetting you today? - Page 390

xoxoxoBruce · 08-27-2010, 01:42 AM

Aren't you worried she'll do permanent damage to the knee?

Juniper · 08-27-2010, 01:58 AM

Yes. I took her to the doctor last week and got it x-rayed; he said she'd be fine, she should do as much or as little as she thought she ought to, that it wasn't a serious injury, just a sprain of some kind.

I'm not entirely convinced because I'm not happy with the doc but he was handy.

You know, it's not so much that THIS particular injury concerns me. She's 14, she'll heal. My worry is that these juvenile sports injuries have a way of compounding and bothering you for the rest of your life. She's been very lucky all the while she's been involved in gymnastics and cheer, which she started at the age of *five.* She competed in gymnastics, she's done competition cheer for three years now, she's really buff! But has had no major injuries till now.

And I guess I wouldn't call this a *major* injury, but it's the worst yet and sort of a sign that maybe she's not as young or well-conditioned as she used to be. Seems like in the past the various teams she was on were emphatic about good physical conditioning, muscle strength exercises to prevent injury. The ones she does now (this all-star team plus her school sidelines squads) don't put as much time into conditioning, they just want the practices that'll get them wins. Skills are great, but you've got to have the conditioning to back them up, or this is what happens. Injuries. I've seen it happen again and again, especially in gymnastics when a kid progressed too quickly through levels.

She's been wearing a knee brace to practices, not so much because she needs it, but because it reminds the coaches that she's recently injured and needs to take it easy. They're real boneheads sometimes.

Oh, and she also gets scrapes and gouges on her hands and arms, bruises on her shoulders from stunting. Imagine having a kid only slightly smaller (and not even smaller, necessarily, just a tad more limber with better balance) towering above you, trying to balance on your and three other teammates hands/arms, sneakers kicking, limbs flailing. It's amazing nobody's broken a collarbone. (knock on wood) Or a nose. Wait, last year someone did get her nose broken. My dear daughter is a BASE.

She's a beautiful girl, about one inch taller than me (that'd make her 5'3"), with my build (broad shoulders, kind of curvy) and weighs a good 30 lbs. more than I did at her age. Don't get me wrong - it's all muscle (which weighs more than fat, I'm told) whereas I was really scrawny at 14; she's not fat at all. But 125 lbs. is a lot of mass to throw into a back handspring without good muscle tone to back it up and hold joints in their proper place.

I think it may be time for some sports therapy and strength training on her own time. I'll join her, because I could use some toning up too. Ha, understatement.

xoxoxoBruce · 08-27-2010, 07:31 AM

Quote:

My worry is that these juvenile sports injuries have a way of compounding and bothering you for the rest of your life.

Yeah, that was my concern. When a kid has been competitive, and enjoyed it, wants to back off, they could be listening to their body. Or maybe she's just becoming interested in different pursuits. I'm just thinking out loud here, you know her, and her world, best, and I'm sure you have her best interest at heart. Go Mom.

Shawnee123 · 08-27-2010, 08:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

Unless the teacher is overly paranoid, she's not going to get all legalistic on Tulip's ass unless Tulip let it slip that the mom didn't want Tulip communicating with the teacher (which apparently isn't the case anyway, the mom seems to be cool with it.) If she's already met the teacher in person, I suspect the teacher will remember her and be willing to talk to her as a guardian.

Whether the teacher gets defensive depends entirely on how the problem is presented. As long as it's described as the boy "having trouble adjusting" and not "my nephew hates your class, you must be a sucky teacher," I expect the teacher will be thrilled to help in any way she can. All the teachers in my family complain most about the parents who never communicate, not the ones who are overly involved.

Unfortunately, the law says the teacher cannot discuss the student with anyone but the parent without written permission.

FERPA

Sure, a casual conversation could take place, but one must tiptoe very carefully around privacy laws.

Spexxvet · 08-27-2010, 08:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shawnee123

FERPA

That's a funny word. FERPA. FEEEEEERRRRRRRR-PA. FERPA.
I know it's an acronym

Tulip, there's probably nothing wrong if she just recieves information. E-mail her with the information that you think she needs to improve your nephew's experience. I don't think she would be breaking the law if she asked questions, and recieved your answers. She just won't be able to give you anything.

Griff · 08-27-2010, 08:45 AM

Tulip, definitely squeeze Mom for that permission. I've had relatives try to pump me for information only to find out that they're in the middle of a feud with the parents. The classroom teacher will probably be less strict about privacy than we are because we are special ed and have strict rules for good reasons.

I really like home/school notebooks for communication. You could ask if the teacher is willing to write a couple sentences about what they're doing in class so that you can frame the activities in a positive way for him and find out who his friends are or who might be bothering him.

My favorite strategy with my own girls was to always ask them "What was the best thing that happened at school today?" I didn't let them off the hook if the said "Nothing." I'd probe until something good, no matter how small, was revealed. Then I'd use that information later to describe what they should be looking forward to. Always be aware that the last thing that happens at school or on the bus will color their impression of the day so you need to get the child to reflect more deeply.

Shawnee123 · 08-27-2010, 08:54 AM

Yes, Griff, what you said in your first paragraph. That is why it's slippery: one never knows what might be really going on in any given family. Unfortunately, as with just about anything, the ne'er-do-wells have mucked it up for people who just want to help.

Written permission? Done deal. No legal problems for anyone, regardless.

Clodfobble · 08-27-2010, 10:11 AM

Meh. I've had teachers who did have every legal right to speak to Mr. Clod refuse to do so on the sole basis that he and their mother weren't married, thus it must be a given that they were working at cross purposes. It's never truly about the legalities, it's about whether the teacher feels they'll get called on the legalities.

Shawnee123 · 08-27-2010, 10:33 AM

Well, that's just silly, that was her call, not the law call.

As far as the law though, it is truly about the legalities. For me, mom can scream and moan all she wants at me, I'm not risking my job because she doesn't want to be bothered with a simple piece of paperwork. Legally, the privacy laws are for a reason (custody disputes and the like come to mind as reason the laws came into being in the first place) and personally, I feel ethically responsible to afford the privacy to the parent or student in question whether they feel it's a "meh" or not.

Clodfobble · 08-27-2010, 10:36 AM

Oh absolutely, a person should follow the legalities if they don't want to get in trouble, and I don't begrudge them that. I'm just saying, in my experience, if Tulip plays her cards right she doesn't need to worry about getting her paperwork ducks in a row before talking to the teacher. You work with a totally different clientele than the average elementary school.

Shawnee123 · 08-27-2010, 10:38 AM

This is true, and the hard part: one size does not fit all, so some might be skittish about even skirting around the edge. I suppose my point is don't be too hard on the teacher or the system if they won't talk to you, Tulip...just try to get the documentation if you really think you can help.

BigV · 08-27-2010, 11:05 AM

Dear lookout123

There's no "e" in Dad. Don't put one there. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your family.

I'm here for you friend.

Pete Zicato · 08-27-2010, 12:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spexxvet

That's a funny word. FERPA. FEEEEEERRRRRRRR-PA. FERPA.

It reminds me of Bill Cosby's ark routine:

You see Noah was in his rec. room
Sewing away, he was making a few things for the home there.
He was a good carpenter
Ferpa, ferpa, ferpa. (Bill Cosby imitating the sound of sawing wood)

Happy Monkey · 08-31-2010, 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Juniper

My daughter is on a competition all-star cheer squad. It's pretty expensive--will end up costing us about $2K over the season for various fees, uniform, etc. not to mention travel to competitions.
...
Then the team mom informed me that I'd signed a contract (actually hubby signed it) saying I'd pay the full amount even if she quit.

Yikes! I'd end up owing about $1100 for NOTHING.

There was a Penn & Teller: Bullshit episode on the cheerleading scam. It was a while ago, so I don't remember details, but all that sounds familiar.

classicman · 08-31-2010, 02:57 PM

There are a lot of travel teams that operate like that now, certainly hockey and soccer.

08-27-2010, 01:42 AM	#5836
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Aren't you worried she'll do permanent damage to the knee? __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

08-27-2010, 01:58 AM	#5837
Juniper I know, right? Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 1,539	Yes. I took her to the doctor last week and got it x-rayed; he said she'd be fine, she should do as much or as little as she thought she ought to, that it wasn't a serious injury, just a sprain of some kind. I'm not entirely convinced because I'm not happy with the doc but he was handy. You know, it's not so much that THIS particular injury concerns me. She's 14, she'll heal. My worry is that these juvenile sports injuries have a way of compounding and bothering you for the rest of your life. She's been very lucky all the while she's been involved in gymnastics and cheer, which she started at the age of five. She competed in gymnastics, she's done competition cheer for three years now, she's really buff! But has had no major injuries till now. And I guess I wouldn't call this a major injury, but it's the worst yet and sort of a sign that maybe she's not as young or well-conditioned as she used to be. Seems like in the past the various teams she was on were emphatic about good physical conditioning, muscle strength exercises to prevent injury. The ones she does now (this all-star team plus her school sidelines squads) don't put as much time into conditioning, they just want the practices that'll get them wins. Skills are great, but you've got to have the conditioning to back them up, or this is what happens. Injuries. I've seen it happen again and again, especially in gymnastics when a kid progressed too quickly through levels. She's been wearing a knee brace to practices, not so much because she needs it, but because it reminds the coaches that she's recently injured and needs to take it easy. They're real boneheads sometimes. Oh, and she also gets scrapes and gouges on her hands and arms, bruises on her shoulders from stunting. Imagine having a kid only slightly smaller (and not even smaller, necessarily, just a tad more limber with better balance) towering above you, trying to balance on your and three other teammates hands/arms, sneakers kicking, limbs flailing. It's amazing nobody's broken a collarbone. (knock on wood) Or a nose. Wait, last year someone did get her nose broken. My dear daughter is a BASE. She's a beautiful girl, about one inch taller than me (that'd make her 5'3"), with my build (broad shoulders, kind of curvy) and weighs a good 30 lbs. more than I did at her age. Don't get me wrong - it's all muscle (which weighs more than fat, I'm told) whereas I was really scrawny at 14; she's not fat at all. But 125 lbs. is a lot of mass to throw into a back handspring without good muscle tone to back it up and hold joints in their proper place. I think it may be time for some sports therapy and strength training on her own time. I'll join her, because I could use some toning up too. Ha, understatement. Last edited by Juniper; 08-27-2010 at 02:10 AM.

08-27-2010, 08:45 AM	#5841
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	Tulip, definitely squeeze Mom for that permission. I've had relatives try to pump me for information only to find out that they're in the middle of a feud with the parents. The classroom teacher will probably be less strict about privacy than we are because we are special ed and have strict rules for good reasons. I really like home/school notebooks for communication. You could ask if the teacher is willing to write a couple sentences about what they're doing in class so that you can frame the activities in a positive way for him and find out who his friends are or who might be bothering him. My favorite strategy with my own girls was to always ask them "What was the best thing that happened at school today?" I didn't let them off the hook if the said "Nothing." I'd probe until something good, no matter how small, was revealed. Then I'd use that information later to describe what they should be looking forward to. Always be aware that the last thing that happens at school or on the bus will color their impression of the day so you need to get the child to reflect more deeply. __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

08-27-2010, 08:54 AM	#5842
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Yes, Griff, what you said in your first paragraph. That is why it's slippery: one never knows what might be really going on in any given family. Unfortunately, as with just about anything, the ne'er-do-wells have mucked it up for people who just want to help. Written permission? Done deal. No legal problems for anyone, regardless. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

08-27-2010, 10:11 AM	#5843
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	Meh. I've had teachers who did have every legal right to speak to Mr. Clod refuse to do so on the sole basis that he and their mother weren't married, thus it must be a given that they were working at cross purposes. It's never truly about the legalities, it's about whether the teacher feels they'll get called on the legalities. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

08-27-2010, 10:33 AM	#5844
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Well, that's just silly, that was her call, not the law call. As far as the law though, it is truly about the legalities. For me, mom can scream and moan all she wants at me, I'm not risking my job because she doesn't want to be bothered with a simple piece of paperwork. Legally, the privacy laws are for a reason (custody disputes and the like come to mind as reason the laws came into being in the first place) and personally, I feel ethically responsible to afford the privacy to the parent or student in question whether they feel it's a "meh" or not. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

08-27-2010, 10:36 AM	#5845
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	Oh absolutely, a person should follow the legalities if they don't want to get in trouble, and I don't begrudge them that. I'm just saying, in my experience, if Tulip plays her cards right she doesn't need to worry about getting her paperwork ducks in a row before talking to the teacher. You work with a totally different clientele than the average elementary school. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

08-27-2010, 10:38 AM	#5846
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	This is true, and the hard part: one size does not fit all, so some might be skittish about even skirting around the edge. I suppose my point is don't be too hard on the teacher or the system if they won't talk to you, Tulip...just try to get the documentation if you really think you can help. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

08-27-2010, 11:05 AM	#5847
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	Dear lookout123 There's no "e" in Dad. Don't put one there. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your family. I'm here for you friend. __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

08-31-2010, 02:57 PM	#5850
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	There are a lot of travel teams that operate like that now, certainly hockey and soccer. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

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