Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 41

Tonchi · 10-11-2005, 02:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kagen4o4

?? is there more to this?

(HINT) Yep, about 70 more years according to the current actuarial tables for Seattle.....

mitheral · 10-11-2005, 10:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kagen4o4

?? is there more to this?

That's it. The joke is that even at the age of six a native to the PNW might never have seen a day where it wasn't raining.

BigV · 10-11-2005, 11:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolf

[i]...

TEN TRUTHS WHITE, HISPANIC, AND BLACK PEOPLE KNOW, BUT ASIAN PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
...
3. The peace sign is outdated.
...

I thought this was just a throwaway line. I guess I was wrong.

Kagen4o4 · 10-11-2005, 10:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mitheral

That's it. The joke is that even at the age of six a native to the PNW might never have seen a day where it wasn't raining.

oh...ok

what the hell is PNW? im not american

Elspode · 10-11-2005, 11:15 PM

Pacific NorthWest - Washington, Oregon, sometimes includes Idaho, Northern California if the Oregonians aren't being too xenophobic.

busterb · 10-12-2005, 10:32 AM

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly fell into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the Director of Nursing became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound-mindedness.

The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hanged himself in his bathroom with the belt to his robe right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?

BigV · 10-12-2005, 11:54 AM

SCF, buster, come on, please?

plthijinx · 10-12-2005, 12:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigV

SCF, buster, come on, please?

SHIT! i forgot about SCF! if i was drinking something i def. would've spewed after i clicked on the link!

Cyclefrance · 10-13-2005, 03:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Billy Budapest

I'd save the film and use my digital camera!

Sorry, I misled you - it's an old joke and the GWB scenario has been substituted for the original which pre-dates digital cameras. Nice try though!

busterb · 10-13-2005, 07:10 PM

Sorry about that, but do you really think I've read 41 pages of this BS to be sure not a rerun?

SCF right

capnhowdy · 10-13-2005, 08:50 PM

Ed met a woman while on vacation and fell in love with her. On the last night of his vacation, the two went to dinner and had a serious talk about the relationship. Ed told his new lover that she meant so much to him. Then he said, "It's only fair to warn you that I'm a complete and utter golf nut. I eat, sleep and breath golf. If that's a problem, you'd better say so right now."

"Well, since we're being honest with each other, here goes," she replied. "I'm a hooker."

"I see," replied Ed. He was quiet for a moment and then said, "You know, it's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you tee off.

mitheral · 10-14-2005, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by busterb

Sorry about that, but do you really think I've read 41 pages of this BS to be sure not a rerun?

SCF right

Why not, I did

. If you set your number of comments per page up it's less pages.

BigV · 10-14-2005, 12:42 PM

Ed and his lady love decide to get married after all. In an effort to please her new husband, she decides to learn to play golf. After taking two or three golf lessons, the young woman decides to go out one day and play her first round. She tees off on the first hole, hitting the ball about forty feet. She walks up to it, chooses a club, and hits it again. This time it goes about 50 feet, but out of bounds. She walks up to the ball anyway, chooses a club, and as she addresses the ball, she gets stung by a bee. She walks back to the clubhouse and tells the pro, who knew her when she was single, "I was doing pretty good, but I got stung by a bee between the first and second hole."

The pro considered this for awhile and then replied, "Well, your problem is, your stance is too wide."

capnhowdy · 10-14-2005, 03:02 PM

good one BigV.

xoxoxoBruce · 10-16-2005, 11:29 AM

Quote:

Battle hymn of the Republicans

Mine Eyes have seen the bungling of that stumbling moron Bush;
He has blathered all the drivel that the neo-cons can push;
He has lost sight of all reason 'cause his head is up his tush;
The Doofus marches on.

I have heard him butcher syntax like a kindergarten fool;
There is warranted suspicion that he never went to school;
Should we fault him for the policies -- or is he just their tool?
The lies keep piling on.

Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
His wreckage will live on.

I have seen him cut the taxes of the billionaires' lone heir;
As he spends another zillion on an aircraft carrier;
Let the smokestacks keep polluting -- do we really need clean air?
The surplus is now gone.

Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
Your safety net is gone!

Now he's got a mighty hankerin' to bomb a prostrate state;
Though the whole world knows its crazy -- and the U.N. says to wait;
When he doesn't have the evidence, "We must prevaricate."
Diplomacy is done!

Oh, a trumped-up war is excellent; we have no moral bounds;
Should the reasons be disputed, we'll just make up other grounds;
Enraging several billions -- to his brainlessness redounds;
The Doofus marches on!

Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'!
THIS...DOO...FUS...MAR...CHES...ON

10-11-2005, 11:15 PM	#605
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	Pacific NorthWest - Washington, Oregon, sometimes includes Idaho, Northern California if the Oregonians aren't being too xenophobic. __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

10-12-2005, 10:32 AM	#606
busterb NSABFD Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: MS. usa Posts: 3,908	Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly fell into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the Director of Nursing became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound-mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hanged himself in his bathroom with the belt to his robe right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Edna replied "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home? __________________ I've haven't left very deep footprints in the sands of time. But, boy I've left a bunch.

10-12-2005, 11:54 AM	#607
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	SCF, buster, come on, please? __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

10-13-2005, 07:10 PM	#610
busterb NSABFD Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: MS. usa Posts: 3,908	Sorry about that, but do you really think I've read 41 pages of this BS to be sure not a rerun? SCF right __________________ I've haven't left very deep footprints in the sands of time. But, boy I've left a bunch. Last edited by busterb; 10-13-2005 at 07:13 PM. Reason: duh

10-13-2005, 08:50 PM	#611
capnhowdy Blatantly Homosapien Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6,200	Ed met a woman while on vacation and fell in love with her. On the last night of his vacation, the two went to dinner and had a serious talk about the relationship. Ed told his new lover that she meant so much to him. Then he said, "It's only fair to warn you that I'm a complete and utter golf nut. I eat, sleep and breath golf. If that's a problem, you'd better say so right now." "Well, since we're being honest with each other, here goes," she replied. "I'm a hooker." "I see," replied Ed. He was quiet for a moment and then said, "You know, it's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you tee off. __________________ Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.

10-14-2005, 12:42 PM	#613
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	Ed and his lady love decide to get married after all. In an effort to please her new husband, she decides to learn to play golf. After taking two or three golf lessons, the young woman decides to go out one day and play her first round. She tees off on the first hole, hitting the ball about forty feet. She walks up to it, chooses a club, and hits it again. This time it goes about 50 feet, but out of bounds. She walks up to the ball anyway, chooses a club, and as she addresses the ball, she gets stung by a bee. She walks back to the clubhouse and tells the pro, who knew her when she was single, "I was doing pretty good, but I got stung by a bee between the first and second hole." The pro considered this for awhile and then replied, "Well, your problem is, your stance is too wide." __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

10-14-2005, 03:02 PM	#614
capnhowdy Blatantly Homosapien Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6,200	good one BigV. __________________ Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.

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