What's upsetting you today?

[Aliantha]

So much sadness here today. Puts petty complaints into perspective doesn't it.

I think I'll just sew up Mav's shorts that I don't think he should be wearing to school anymore even though they're the only one's he wants to wear.

I was pretty hard on him about it last night, and now I regret it. What if I lose him today and the last thing we talked about was why he shouldn't wear those shorts to school?

Now I really am upset.

I'm sorry plth. That's a terrible death for anyone. xxx

[limey]

phlthy - adding my condolences. I think it brings us all up short that one foolish decision can be fatal.

[Trilby]

Wow phlthy - I am so sorry.

Sundae is right - It could so easily have been either one of us. I've done very similar things - drinking an entire fifth of vodka on an empty stomach (really, there's no other way to drink for me) fallling, etc. I have to wonder why Michelle and not me?

I am grateful for this day and I am grateful that I am sober.

I am so very sorry for your friend. Peace to her and her family and you.

[plthijinx]

thanks everyone. i'm still numb but at the same time getting more and more pissed off. found out today that mom is donating her to medical science. ok. no biggie here. i'm down with advancing medicine or teaching tomorrows doctors today. what irks me bad is the fact that there will be no service. no memorial. reason? no money. wait! WHAT? not to go into detail but i don't buy it. michelle may have been a free floating soul and what not but she cared for people and loved people for who they were. a true sweetheart. she doesn't deserve this. bri and sundae? keep up the hard work. i know it's difficult. hugs to y'all! hugs to all!

[limey]

What's to stop you and your roommate organising a memorial meeting at your place? The only cost involved is on contacting everyone. The structure can be quite simple. PM me if you want help on arranging a do-it-yourself memorial meeting/service - I have experience.

[Griff]

Sorry man. Limey's idea sounds like a good one.

[Trilby]

limey - that is an excellent idea.

[Sundae]

Sigh.
Bitterness and jealousy.
From me.

Laura will read the Reading.
It's not very long, but it is significant.
And I chose it.

Stevo gets to read something at the end - okay, it's a thank you and an invite to people to the Crem and the buffet afterwards.

I get the bidding prayers.
Prayers.
Me.
No personal input, lines on a page, something I don't even believe in.

I have been complimented on my speaking voice.
How come my sister gets the starring role?
Yes, she saw Grandad more in the nursing home than I did.
But when he had his own bungalow, who went on foot to get his shopping?
Who rushed home with KFC or fish n chips so they were still warm (and then had him tell me to put them in the fridge )
Who searched the whole of the town centre for something he might like?
Who did all his washing and ironing when Mum was away, and every Saturday when she was home?
Who had to clean him up after "accidents"?

Laura never washed shit off his cock and balls.
But she gets to dress his coffin, have her favourite hymn at the Crem and do the Reading.

I don't resent what I did for Grandad, I'd do it again in a second.
I don't resent Mum making her own choices.
I'm just petty and spiteful and need to get over it.

[Aliantha]

SG, I know it's a hard time for your family, but it's not a competition mate. It really doesn't matter who does what at the funeral. Just be there and celebrate your grandad's life and mourn his passing. At the end of the day, no one is really going to remember much except maybe the eulogy anyway.

Chin up. xxx

eta: What I'm trying to say is, don't make the day even worse by worrying about stuff like that. No one's going to judge you if you're reading the prayers, and some will put a whole lot more weight on that than a reading anyway. Try to remember that it's not about you or your sister or anyone but your grandad. Try and create some good memories of the day. Don't cloud the day with anger on top of grief. xxx

[infinite monkey]

I'm sorry Sundae. That would hurt my feelings too. But you just be the best damn prayer-reader who ever spoke on the planet. You were probably chosen for that because you WILL do it very well. Maybe perfection is what your mom wanted for the prayer; and you can deliver.

[classicman]

Sorry Sundae, from what I've read here, that just doesn't seem right.

After the prayers could you say something like on a personal note...
and then add a few things of your own.

[limey]

Classic is right - once you're up there you can add a few lines from yourself before or after the prayers. No-one can stop you. Big hugs (to be delivered in person soon, grrl!)

[Sundae]

Ali has it right - it's not a competition.
I've always felt like I am in my sister's shadow and things like this bring it out in me.

I've said to Mum again and again, "Don't worry about me, it's your Dad's funeral, you do what you want."
The last thing she needs is squabbling daughters.
And my sister, for all her meek and mild appearance has a will of iron and propriety is very much her thing. For example she very much felt the fact that she didn't get to participate in Aunty Alice's funeral. She admitted she could not have stood up and delivered an off the cuff eulogy as I was called to do, but still mentioned many times afterwards that she should have been included and no-one knew who she was on the day.

I think it was losing the poem at the Crem that tipped me over the edge.
But looking back I didn't even mention it!
Anyway, it's silly because Mum was going to read a poem too, and she cut that as well, so it really wasn't personal.

Thanks for letting me sound off about something that really doesn't show me at my best.
I've got it out of my system without hurting anyone.

[Aliantha]

I really feel so much sympathy for you mate. My brother and I were really at odds by the time we got to Mum's funeral, and it was a really hard time made much worse because we refused to lean on each other. Too proud and stubborn and selfish and a whole lot of other stupid emotions that really didn't help.

Since then I've watched people tear each other down over funerals and have thought it's such a shame, but knowing it's just so much emotion on the surface that no one really knows if they're arthur or martha half the time.

You just do your best and sort it all out later over a cuppa or a stiff drink. Either way, you're all in the same boat so I guess you'll just float along as best you can. xxx

[Lamplighter]

Ali's post brought back such memories.
When my grandfather died, my Mom went back to the home town for the funeral.
She and her brother got into a squabble over a stick of gum she found in her Dad's coat pocket.
Gum was a thing with him, a constant chewer.
Anyhow, that squabble led to a life-time fight that they never resolved.

I still don't know which one I thought was the thickheaded.