What's upsetting you today?

[henry quirk]

This is fact.

I don't owe kindness, but am inclined to give it freely to the one(s) I love.

Irksome, therefore, when I witness one who professes love for another treat the other as burden, as enemy, as target.

There is an insanity at work in such a scheme.

[glatt]

Originally Posted by anonymous

I can still clearly hear the sound of my heart breaking when I was told by the person who was supposed to love me more than anyone else on earth that "People like you because they don't really know you. If they really knew you they would hate you."

It changed me, and not in a good way.

That's too bad. Clearly the person saying it was trying to hurt you and it speaks only of them and not at all of you. It's easy for me to say this, but you should let it go. It's untrue. It's not a valid piece of information that you should allow into your head.

[DanaC]

Originally Posted by henry quirk

This is fact.

I don't owe kindness, but am inclined to give it freely to the one(s) I love.

Irksome, therefore, when I witness one who professes love for another treat the other as burden, as enemy, as target.

There is an insanity at work in such a scheme.

It's never pleasant to watch someone harm themself.

[limey]

Originally Posted by glatt

That's too bad. Clearly the person saying it was trying to hurt you and it speaks only of them and not at all of you. It's easy for me to say this, but you should let it go. It's untrue. It's not a valid piece of information that you should allow into your head.

This is what I wanted to say to anon. Thanks for putting it into words, Glatt.

[Lola Bunny]

Originally Posted by henry quirk

And, with this topic, the baseline is, again, 'The unfortunate tendency of some (perhaps, many; perhaps most) to treat strangers with more kindness, civility, care, than a friend or loved family member.'

So true...so sad.

[Lola Bunny]

Anyways, I just balanced my checkbook. I am missing $1000. Really??? Crunched the numbers a couple of more times, the balance still came out wrong. Gotta go to the bank and clear this tomorrow. Man, this sucks.

[TheMercenary]

Insomnia.

[DanaC]

That sucks


It's good while since I had insomnia, it's a bastard when it strikes though.

[anonymous]

Workplace bullies. Supervisor bullies.

Then there is another type of bully boss which most people would not even perceive as a bully. The “closet” bully boss is actually much more prevalent and more dangerous than the ranter or raver described above. This type of bully boss is very clever in their ability to hide their bullying behaviors and to manipulate the perception of bystanders against the “target”. Most bullies possess excellent emotional intelligence. The thing that needs to be kept in mind is that true “psycho bullies” are motivated in ways that normal people do not understand. Bullies use their emotional intelligence to cause conflict intentionally. They are not interested in building positive relationships, only ones they can manipulate. Much of their bullying behavior is premeditated. They do not possess empathy.

Closet bully bosses are often also “serial bullies” who choose one target at a time. One study showed that after successfully eliminating a target, they chose another target within two weeks. These bully bosses are capable of behaving normally towards all other subordinates and will even behave normally towards the target, whenever there are witnesses. This method serves the bully boss well, making it difficult for others to believe a target. Often, only the bully boss and the target know the true nature of the bully.

Simply stated, “targets” are good at their jobs and therefore cannot be taken down based on poor job performance. Therefore bullies rely on character assassination, twisted, half or outright lies, rumors and innuendo to subjugate or eliminate their target. Read my article “proud to be a target” to understand how bullies choose their targets.

At the beginning of a bullying campaign the target may actually feel favored by the bully boss. The bully boss often befriends their target at first. The target begins to trust the bully boss and may share information about their weaknesses that the bully boss then uses against the target. After the bully boss gains useful information about the target, the bully may try a few “pass-by nibbles” (read the article about pass-by nibbles, on this blog) to test the targets reaction. Then a full blown bullying campaign begins.

In my first emotional assault, my bully called me into a meeting with her and a Human Resource Rep to “discuss my needs”, only to reprimand me for “intimidation of subordinates”, a grossly twisted, half truth. My bully boss knows how strongly I feel about treating everyone, especially subordinates, respectfully. Knowing this about me, she knew it would be especially hurtful to accuse me of just that. It upset me horribly and I couldn’t stop crying at my desk for most of that day.

This reprimand happened behind closed doors. I was warned not to discuss it with coworkers. My coworkers didn’t hear my boss’s lies or hear her calling me a liar. They didn’t see her disrespect me as she rolled her eyes and clicked her tongue at my responses. They only knew I was reprimanded so severely I cried all day. Bullies delight in observing the pain and chaos they have caused and marvel at their ability to get away with it. Next comes the “mental health card”.

After the Bully boss’s first emotional assault the target reacts emotionally as I did. The bully boss then manipulates the target’s coworkers into feeling privileged to be in her confidence. The bully then feigning concern for the target tells of half or twisted truths, placing the targets mental health, competence and/or loyalty into question. It is often what the bully doesn’t say that causes the most damage. For example: The bully boss brings coworkers into her privileged confidence. The bully then cites a half or twisted truths about the target or will imply that the target caused the bully some kind of deep hurt. The bully then mimicking deep hurt or confidentiality concerns, refuses to share details, leaving everything to the imagination. It must be remembered that they are “masters of deception” and can easily convince others of the target’s negative attributes and how the target has caused them personal concern or injury of some kind. They can be so convincing, some convince themselves into believing the lies that they themselves have fabricated.

Coworkers feeling privileged to be of assistance to their deeply hurt boss will do anything the bully boss asks. This is called “mobbing”.

A full blown bullying and mobbing campaign could be a very critical period for the target who has no understanding of the “bullying and mobbing phenomenon”. Targets who are typically good performers and well liked by coworkers are stunned by the first emotional assault, which is often the first reprimand in their careers. They become obsessed trying to understand why first their boss, then their coworkers turned against them, when there is no valid reason at all!

Suddenly the target’s world is a different place, for reasons they don’t understand. Most targets have enjoyed decades of appreciated successes on their jobs, only to be left in isolated despair. Most targets are forced out of their positions within two years of a bullying and mobbing campaign. Forced out by being fired, resigning, becoming ill, committing suicide or going postal!

All of this could be avoided if every working person had a knowledge of “workplace bullying and mobbing”. If this is the first time you have heard of it, learn more about it today. Who knows, you might be the serial bullys’ next target. Hopefully, someday, every working person will learn to Recognize it, Name it and End workplace bullying and mobbing together! ABC


http://antibullyingcrusador.wordpres...al-bully-boss/

[limey]

Oh anonymous! I really sympathise. I have suffered something very like this and it is truly awful. I left the company, but I did start tribunal proceedings for constructive dismissal and I am not allowed to reveal the outcome.
I feel vindicated, but it was so hard at the time. Legislation and working practices vary so I cannot offer you any advice, but you have my strongest sympathy.

[anonymous]

Thank you. I've been reading various articles on it and it seems so clear now. The part about the target not being able to understand what just happened in their world, the part where bullies perceive the targets as a threat...

It's like another abusive relationship I was in. I was emotionally abused (along with physical which of course isn't at work) and manipulated. You start to believe there is something wrong with you. It's insidious. It's painful. I never thought it would happen here.

But it's happening. Grievances have been filed by others, very long-time employees who appear to be beaten down but are not. I can appear so too. I am prepared for anything but I won't go anywhere without first expressing what I'm seeing, what I'm hearing. I won't be bullied because they pay me to be. I know the tricks. Just like that relationship. I swore no one would treat me that way again. Not even for a paycheck. But it's on my terms. There will be no resignation from me, if it comes to that. I know my rights.

My favorite part is about how the targets just can't fathom the bully's way of thinking. That's where I'm at. How. Why? Of course, my need to understand the hearts/minds of others and belief that no one can be truly evil is what has made me a target in my personal life.

Thanks for the ear, limey.

[Blueflare]

Jeez, why do people do that to one another?

There's nothing I hate more than people who bully/badmouth a person when that person is clearly a decent individual who did nothing wrong, or at least, nothing to possibly deserve that kind of treatment.

[limey]

You're welcome! If it helps, at the difficult times remember that I am rooting for you!

[jimhelm]

Originally Posted by TheMercenary

Insomnia.

Vodka

[Clodfobble]

A new elementary school has been opened near us to serve a growing community of young families. Minifob's Kindergarten teacher told me that she will be transferring there next year (at her request, because her own neighborhood now feeds to this new school and she wants to teach where her kids are.) Well okay, it's not like Minifob could have her again, though I had been hoping that in another year Minifobette might be placed with her.

Then I found out that Minifobette's PPCD teacher is not coming back next year, because she has decided to stay home with her baby. This is a much greater blow, because she is amazing and there is a huge disparity among special ed preschool teachers. Some stories I've heard from moms at other schools, I'd sooner pull my kid out entirely than let her be in a classroom with these people. Plus, I had been relying on her for inside information each year to figure out which teacher would be the best one to place Minifob with, since we do have that right but it does me no good if I don't know the teachers.

Well, at least I'll still have our speech therapist, who has been working with my kids for as long as the PPCD teacher has. She is fantastic and never tries to use candy as a reinforcer.

Ha ha, joke's on me, turns out the speech therapist is going to the new elementary school too. Now there is no one in the building who has any experience with either of my kids. Next year was all settled, and now I'm terrified about it.