What's upsetting you today?

[monster]

Ignore the text. Don't meet him until Thursday, don't agree to any changes or anything new. If he doesn't sign as planned then take it from there, but if he does and it's the deal you were happy with before....it might just happen. All that twaddle about income reduction is BS to try and get back in charge. Typical bully shite. Keep being strong.

[orthodoc]

I agree, I don't want him ever to set foot in my place here, not ever. I changed my plans and will stay with one of my sons tonight, not in smalltown, and will just drive up very early tomorrow for the attorney appointment. And wouldn't you know, stbx texted me first thing this morning wanting to know exactly when I'm arriving in smalltown - wanting to get together today during the day. I won't see him until tomorrow; very thankful my son offered the alternative plan.

I've spent the morning crunching numbers and thinking about the current offer/plan, and it's still probably worth doing if things come together tomorrow. I'm a bird-in-the-hand sort of person generally. But if things fall apart ... Plan B.

It's hard for me to see the bullying and control stuff when he's acting pathetic and pretending to be friendly ... but strip away that stuff and look at the content of his texts and I want to smack him. He's reneging on his promises to the kids. Well, I'll make sure they're all right - but if he reneges none of us will ever speak to him again. If I go with Plan B he'll certainly renege - either way, I'll have to grow a pair and give him a reality check. Guess it's time.

[xoxoxoBruce]

If you know you're going to have to meet him for some reason, wear an old housecoat, torn stockings, uncombed hair, and a runny nose can't hurt.

[ZenGum]

Having a witness present might be a good idea.

Seriously, there is no reason you should have to meet him alone, and it would give you a reason to keep trying to keep things businesslike and get matters dealt with.

[DanaC]

Yeah, I'd avoid one to one meets for now. You're strong, but that doesn't mean you aren't vulnerable to his emotional blackmail. He's had years to hone his tactics and find your weak spots. Don't give him the opportunity to use that.

As much as you want this done with, and as much as you want things friendly (if that ship has not already sailed, as I suspect it might have) you also need to protect yourself. Not just from the financial loss, or even the potential for actual harm, but also from the emotional impact he is able to have on you. Don't underestimate the amount of pull he could still exert if you're at a low ebb. He's clearly more than willing to try and use that to his own financial advantage and to your, and the kids', financial disadvantage. Waving the difficulties "you'd" be bringing on your children by doing this is about as shitty as it goes. Like a spoilt child who's suddenly been told 'no' and is trying to wheedle and tantrum by turns.

Like a smoker clearing their house of all cigarettes and ashtrays when they're giving up, don't put anything in your way to trip yourself up.

[chrisinhouston]

My Land Rover Discovery is at it again, it's been a few months since I had to sink money into it so I guess it was inevitable! Drove it 2 or 3 times earlier this week and within blocks of my home 2 lights (M&S) on the dashboard start flashing and the transmission goes into limp home mode. I stop and restart the car and it is fine for a mile or so and then it does it again. No engine codes or anything. I did some online research and is sounds like something called the XYZ switch which is on the side of the transmission and it handles gear changing. Apparently the AC drain hose is right over it and it eventually gets water in it. But I really need it to through the Check Engine light so I can read a code. Another great Land Rover design fail!

So I looked at replacing it and a new one is $700! For a FUCKING switch??? I can get a used one on Ebay for $125 but it may or may not work and for how long.

[orthodoc]

Wow. It's done. I didn't arrive in smalltown until this morning at precisely the appointment time with the lawyer, so avoided the one-to-one meeting trap. I was able to stay with one of my sons last night and watch some fireworks that were fantastic - spent a great evening, and my son was very supportive about today. He canceled his plans to spend the afternoon and evening with me!

The lawyer kept it short and sweet and, to my surprise, stbx signed off and it'll be done within a few days. I walked out feeling a little unsure of my feet - couldn't believe it.

The moment we got outside, stb-x started in on money - how, now that he's been so 'generous', we have to change the verbal arrangement about the kids. I shut. him. down. Told him nothing doing, our original agreements all still stand. Didn't tell him he dodged a major bullet - if he thinks he's been generous, it's nothing to what could've been. I'm going to keep that in reserve for when he gets persistent about $$, as he will. (If he reneges on the kids, of course I'll keep them going. I just won't be his bullied silent partner.) He quickly backed down, saying he wants to stay friendly because - wait for it - he seriously wants me to remarry him in two years. He really thinks that will happen.

If he really thinks that, I have a bridge to sell him.

Now that it's done, I don't feel the same intimidation I did before, the worry that everything would blow up and I'd spend years in court. Even if I walk away with a little less, this is totally worth it. There'll be no reason for him to be checking up on me, as there would be if I'd gone for permanent alimony. I just don't want him to have any justification for stalking me.

So ... wow. On my way to Canada to be there for my dad's surgery, and I just can't believe it. Thank you, guys, all your good advice and support has been a godsend. And Bruce, if - IF - I have to meet with him again I'll definitely go the old housecoat-torn stockings-runny nose route!! Great idea!!

[limey]

Oh what great news! I hope your Dad is OK and how fabulous that you can go and see him with that behind you!

[DanaC]

*wide smile*

Oh Ortho, how fucking magnificent is that? You're on your way chickadee. My best wishes and congratulations on your stb-x-free future

[classicman]

Congrats! Good for you.

[classicman]

Chris - I feel your pain. There is now something wrong with the Jeep AGAIN!
The air only works through the defroster vent. Cannot get air to blow through the floor vents nor the dash. AND the Cruise control is nonfunctional as well. Oh effin joy.

[orthodoc]

Thanks guys - am very relieved.

[monster]

Joining the car whinge club. In the shop agaian today -brakes- some of it warrantied some of it not. Just had a $940 repair bill a month ago (suspension) Fucking car needs to be replaced. On top of that, the friend I drove to the airport Tues said as I was driving Oh, if your car breaks down the car's in the garage and the keys are.... i assumed on the table/counter didn't really listen becuase i just got the damn thing fixed....... Could I find the keys anywhere in the entire house? nuh-huh so We all had to walk in the 100+ humd temps and Swimmer Girl had to miss practice. becuase it was 5am where the firend was, and she doesn't answer her cellor text at the best of times anyway..... She'llprobably tell me where they are sometime Sunday. Whine Whine Whine.

Yes, please, a little brie and some water crackers would be lovely.

[DucksNuts]

Not really upsetting...but I cant be arsed looking for the other threads.....today I went over to my neighbours (who are away) with one of my other neighbours and we tidied up their yard as their dog (Blueheeler) was quite destructive in her boredom and dug up all the vegies and made a mess....(I also watered their 3 "pot" plants I found - how good a neighbour am I??)

When I stod up after weeding, I felt something kinda prickly in my pants...we have a lot of prickles up here, and although I couldnt figure out how it got up that high (above mid thigh), I shoved my hand down my pants and PULLED OUT A MASSIVE FUCKING HUNTSMEN SPIDER!!!! (Google it, I dare you).

Even now as I sit here, I can feel its prickly little legs......ewwwrrrewwwrr.

[DanaC]

Ewww. And by ewww, I mean jesusfuckingchristnoway*majorshudders*