What's upsetting you today?

[Aliantha]

Well we may have some problems, but i dont want him dead. Haha

On the bright side, he apologised unreservedly yesterday and took himself to the doctor to sort out some counselling.

I hope it helps.

[DanaC]

Oh that's really good. Hope things start to settle down for you guys

[Aliantha]

Thanks Dana. Me too. I am exhausted.

[Griff]

That's a big step. I hope it goes well for you both.

[glatt]

Originally Posted by Aliantha

he apologised unreservedly yesterday and took himself to the doctor to sort out some counselling.

That surprises me. Good for him, and I hope it does him and you and your marriage a world of help.

[limey]

Good luck to the both of you x


Sent by thought transference

[Aliantha]

Thanks. It's been too long coming. I have been asking him to do this for 10 years now. Pretty much since we first met and he started telling me about his life.

A lot of damage has been done. Honestly, I'm not sure if I will be able to look at him the same way again. I feel very dead in my heart about my marriage at the moment.

For now I am just focussing on the kids and my work and waiting to see if there are any noticeable changes. I know he's trying to fix the damage he has done, but there's a part of my heart that's telling me it's too little too late.

Time will tell. Maybe we will fall in love again. We can only hope.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by Aliantha

I feel very dead disappointed in my heart about my marriage at the moment.

The change will be so welcome it will rekindle your fires. optimistic romantic

[Pico and ME]

Maybe, like in my marriage, time will pass and so will your memory. At least until the next time.

[Aliantha]

Maybe it's just disappointment. Honestly, I know he's not a bad person. He just has a lot of shit that needs dealing with, but I can't even bring myself to care about that compassionately at the moment. I've lost my immediate need to be angry now at least. Usually I can put myself in other people's shoes pretty easily, and that helps me deal with negative emotions better. At the moment, they just don't fit, or I can't be bothered even trying. Not exactly sure really. That's what I mean about feeling dead in my heart. I don't even think I'd care if he came home and said he was leaving. I'd just get on with it. Maybe that's not how I really feel, but it's what my conscious mind is telling right now.

[Aliantha]

Originally Posted by Pico and ME

Maybe, like in my marriage, time will pass and so will your memory. At least until the next time.

That's what's been going on for a few years now Pico. It was just the most recent blow up felt like it really sucked the last vestiges of love out of me. You know when you get to that stage where you just feel like enough is enough and you're not willing to compromise even a little bit anymore? That's how I feel at the moment. I feel like I am just going to live my life, and if he can't fit into it on my terms, then that's his problem to deal with and I don't care anymore. I hope these feelings change for me. It's not a nice feeling.

[orthodoc]

I hope his counselor is smart and experienced and helps him see clearly. And I hope you get past the exhausted feeling and have some joy and excitement in your success with your new business, and that that will bring good things into the rest of your life.

[Big Sarge]

I'm sorry if any of my comments have caused problems. You are a very important person to so many of us. I will never forget what you did for me. Hang in there

[Aliantha]

Thanks Ortho.

I wouldn't think so Sarge. You're only ever lovely.

The thing that actually caused the blow up was the comment I made about how I should have married a tradesman, and then suggested I should have an affair with one instead.

I wondered why he had all of a sudden started mowing the grass etc, but why he seemed to be doing it, not because it's the right thing, but because he expected me to say something about it. Turns out he's been reading my posts here lately and saw some offhand comments he didn't like, so instead of talking to me about it, he stewed on it for weeks until it all came out in a vitriolic attack, full of accusations that anyone in their right mind knew couldn't be true. So, I will try not to say dumb stuff anymore, but that probably wont work, because that's who I am. I make jokes about things that bother me. A joke is a joke though. He for some reason felt it would affect his professional reputation. That's what he said anyway. I explained to him that if I'm posting anonymously, then how can that possibly be true. I explained to him about how I vent with you people because you are all so far away, have no real life ties to either of us other than those we generate through the mail from time to time, so really, it's the perfect place. I explained to him how you people are for the most part, educated, sensible, witty people who I enjoy interacting with on a fairly regular basis. Then I asked if he wanted to take that away from me too.

Why am I saying all this? I don't know. Still trying to process it I think. Maybe I will get some counselling too. It is probably unreasonable to expect you guys to fix this problem for me, and unlikely that I'll be able to do it myself. Anyway, I just want you all to know that none of you have ever said or done anything inappropriate. Even when a few of you have made a few lewd comments from time to time, I have always known they were just for fun. I have never read anything more than friendship into any of my relationships here.

You people are important to me. None of you need to change anything about how you interact with me. I'll have to come over there and kick your arses if you do.

[sexobon]

Originally Posted by Aliantha

... You people are important to me. None of you need to change anything about how you interact with me. I'll have to come over there and kick your arses if you do.

If you'll make it a spanking, I'll start being nice to you.