What's upsetting you today?

[Nirvana]

Sometimes venting is just that venting... Women [some most?] don't think anyone can fix their problem but it helps them to talk about it. Men vent because they want someone to help them and that's what [some/ most?] women do. [/of my opinion no one asked for...]

[footfootfoot]

If you are all imaginary anyway, and one of you slights another one isn't it an imaginary slight?

[BigV]

You've been married--in what way is the impact of those different from the impact of "real" slights?

[xoxoxoBruce]

Stonewalling occurs when the listener withdraws from the interaction.

Stonewalling occurs because the listener has learned anything they say will eventually be used against them.

[Aliantha]

FFS Jim. At what point did I say that the problems in our marriage are all his fault? Didn't you already have a say about what you thought anyway.

Honestly, you have a really short memory. I recall plenty of people here being incredibly supportive of you during the end of your marriage. At least I didn't start a whole fucking thread about it. I came in here. I said what's upsetting my in the thread entitled the same. WTF is wrong with that. You object to people caring and supporting me? You somehow think (because you don't like me or something) that it's your right to put me in my place. Yeah, fuck you dick.

Just so you know, I am very hopeful that once my husband has found a therapist he likes and gets himself to a stage where he's ready to deal with other stuff too, that I will be asked to come in for some sessions also. I have asked him to, and he has agreed, on numerous occasions that he needs help to deal with issues from his own past. I'm not going to talk about that here, because quite frankly, it's none of your fucking business and you clearly don't give a fuck anyway, so do me a favour, either be supportive or GTFO of it. I don't need anyone else to tell me what a failure i am. I'm quite capable of doing that myself at the moment.

Oh and if you want to go read it again, you'll see where I've admitted it was a dumb thing to say etfuckingcetera.

Fuck this place. No wonder I hardly ever tell anyone shit, and the few occasions that I do, people like you want to be arseholes about it.

Just fuck you. That's all I have to say to you right now.

[lumberjim]

You're right. Of course I don't know nearly enough about it to comment accurately. Probably most of my rant was directed at jinx. But I said what I said, and I don't take it back. Except for not liking you much. I was just pissed off. I like you fine. You're a decent sort.
I responded to the sense I have of your situation. Maybe... Probably, I have not read everything you've said on the subject, because I only read 30% of the threads these days. And even if I had, the info would still be incomplete.

I do think your outlook about it is negative. You don't like him right now. His jokes are not funny. His foibles are frustrating, not endearing.

You can either change your perspective or your situation. Changing dazza is not the answer.

Sorry you're mad. I was a tad over the line. I just hit a point, you know?

[Aliantha]

Thanks for that.

No one's perfect.

I am trying to be patient. I am trying to value my husband. I am trying to help him understand the things that bother me. He doesnt ever say what he wants or needs. I have no idea what's going on in his head and i just think he doesnt know how to express himself to me or anyone on an intimate level. That is what i see. I wish i knew what he sees. That is why we're in trouble. If only one person says what they want, the relationship is not balanced. He gets frustrated because he thinks he can never please me. I get frustrated because i really dont give a fuck if he mows the grass or not. I would just like him to be involved in the process of getting it mowed. If that makes sense, then you might start to understand better and judge me less.

[sexobon]

I suppose LJ is off her distribution list now ... that means more cupcakes for the rest of us, alllriiiiiiiiiiight!


Dazza never made us cupcakes.

[orthodoc]

Ali has been more than patient in this exchange ... yay Ali, you are indeed the better person.

So you wished your husband would step up and get off his f***ing ass once in awhile instead of watching TV and fishing, while you rear 5 kids and start a successful independent business all on your own. Wishing that the guy who is an equal partner in producing some of the kids, and who married you knowing about the existing children, would pull his own weight is cunty? No, I don't think so.

So, what, guys, no not 'guys', YOU, LJ, YOU in particular, you think that a woman who is doing all that Ali is doing is whining and being unfair when her partner refuses to engage or take any responsibility?

You've already admitted that you projected your hostility and bitterness toward your ex onto Ali. I think you owe her a BIG fucking apology. You just read your own angst and hurt into her story and let loose on her, said stupid and frankly outrageous things to her, and now expect to get a pass? You are very damned lucky she even responds to you now.

[Big Sarge]

I'm going to hide under a rock till this is over

[orthodoc]

No need, Sarge. Pandas are exempt until proven otherwise.

[infinite monkey]

I think ortho is a big fake.

Oh gee, I'm sorry. Should I feel badly about saying that?

[Lola Bunny]

Can't fall back to sleep. I'm itching everywhere, perhaps psychological or not. Feeling so weary when I sit up but so awake when I lie down. Sigh...

Btw, stop fighting, y'all. Aliantha is tired enough with everything going on in her life. She deserves some peace.

Ali: Hugzzz...good luck, hon. I hope everything will work out. We all deserves to be happy.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747 using Tapatalk

[Aliantha]

No one needs to hide or do anything. I appreciate the support. I really do. I realise Jim can say what he likes. He's entitled just like everyone else. He has made his peace. I am ok with it. Let's not fight. I just needed to vent. Clearly to some i came off badly. Maybe they are right. If so, maybe i will figure it out and fix it. Maybe they are wrong and i just didnt give them enough info to understand fully. Basically, i am on the inside of this. I have to deal with it as best i can. I am trying to be positive about all aspects of my life. I am hoping that will help.

I am a big girl. I will fight whatever battles i need to in order to get things on track. I just dont want to fight you guys. Please be patient.

[Clodfobble]

Originally Posted by Aliantha

I am trying to be positive about all aspects of my life. I am hoping that will help.

This is good advice for everyone, everywhere.

"I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition." --Martha Washington