What's upsetting you today?

[Cloud]

don't know, but I'm crying and thinking of suicide. Not imminently, just . . . what would happen if I got disabled and was unable to work. My savings would last me about 2 years, and then, pffft! Better to end it than be a burden to my family.

But I think just thinking about is -- a Bad Sign.

[Clodfobble]

But not necessarily a chronic sign. Is this something that normally makes you worry? Is there anything particularly stressful going on right now? When I'm feeling bad, I'm able to easily work myself up to crying just thinking about what would happen to my family if I died, or what I would do if my husband or kids died... What I'm saying is, have you been feeling this way for awhile, or is this just a bad day? There's no need to make yourself feel worse thinking there's 'A Problem' with you if it's just a reaction to stress or hormones.

[Cloud]

yeah, a bad day, I think. Took me by surprise. stress and hormones are likely culprits.

[Perry Winkle]

Originally Posted by Aliantha

sorry about your Pop Perry. How come it's so long till you can see him?

I'm in England until December 2008. At this point I can't really afford to go home to Virginia, much less travel halfway across the States to see my Grandpa.

I've resigned myself to the fact that I'll just call and write as often as possible.

[Sundae]

Nothing like the people with real problems, just venting.

Just feel really down and everything is hard work.
After I've typed this (which is how I really feel) I will go over to the Happy thread and try to come up with an equal amount. I feel like Eeyore and Marvin the Paranoid Android's unloved red headed step child at the moment though.

England just lost 3-2 to Croatia so we're not going to Euro 08
It's not snowing here and probably won't again in my lifetime
I never have enough money but my Doc advises me against working yet - and if I took on something part-time I would be worse off
But I do feel like I want to work very soon, just don't want to start and fuck it up - I feel low enough about myself as a person as it is
I feel fat and ugly and moany and unlovable
I feel like going downstairs and eating my big block of Cathedral City Reduced Fat Mature Cheddar - with pickle. Bite by bite.

Okay, I think I'm done.
So you see, nothing really - just bad wiring in my brain. As you were.
(except England - that's not my fault)

[Clodfobble]

Apparently Minifob discovered the concept of "homesickness" for the first time this evening. Everything was going fine in the standard bedtime routine, right up until the minute he figured out he was supposed to sleep in the travel crib (as he always has when we travel, but the last time was probably 3-4 months ago.) He completely freaked out and bolted for the front door screaming "Car car car! Go go go! Bed! Bed!" Took forever to calm him down and ultimately he passed out from exhaustion more than anything.

[shina]

only 4 more days w/my family

[ZenGum]

Hey Sunday, can you do some volunteer work? Maybe clerk in a charity shop or something? You're right that it would make you feel better to be doing something and will help when you go for a full time job.

[Aliantha]

The fact that the secret santa hasn't been organized yet even though I suggested it should be done sooner in order for those of us who are geographically challenged to participate.

also, I'm just generally pissed off and exhausted and there's no end in sight.

Sometimes I just wish I could go to sleep and not wake up.

[Sundae]

We still have time babba, promise. Monster is hyper organised and it is only 23 November. If worst comes to worst you & me will exchange something okay? You get the short straw receiving wise but I'll already have my present

[Aliantha]

I'm sure it'd be lovely either way mate. I just want to know who I'm buying/making for so I know what to do. I just wanted to do something a bit personalized if possible, but that requires a bit of thought usually, but there'll be no time to put into it. That's all. Anyway, no point saying anything. Maybe I'll just withdraw. I'm not in a good frame of mind for xmas right now anyway.

[Clodfobble]

Grrr... We had occasion to write this delightful little email to my stepkids' mother this evening (background--my stepson is severely allergic to peanuts):

Just wanted to send you a quick note about something [stepdaughter] said this weekend, regarding the incident last Christmas where [stepson] may have eaten a bite of a cookie made with peanut butter. (You may recall that we told you about it at the time: though he did not have any outward reaction, because he said the cookie tasted “spicy” we rinsed his mouth and brushed his teeth thoroughly and kept a close eye on him just in case.)
This weekend [stepdaughter] mentioned to us that you had said we were “lying,” and that you believed [stepson] had actually had a severe reaction and “his face was actually all swollen and stuff.” As we told [stepdaughter], we don’t really care if what she said is true or not—we are never interested in hearing gossip about your house, and at any rate both of them were there at the time and we will trust them to decide what they saw with their own eyes. But we wanted to let you know she said it, in case you want to have a talk with her about either making up things you never said, or repeating things you never intended for us to hear, whichever is more appropriate.


We're still going to sit on it for a few days before deciding if it actually gets sent, or if it just got written to blow off steam.

[monster]

Originally Posted by Aliantha

The fact that the secret santa hasn't been organized yet even though I suggested it should be done sooner in order for those of us who are geographically challenged to participate.

also, I'm just generally pissed off and exhausted and there's no end in sight.

Sometimes I just wish I could go to sleep and not wake up.

Originally Posted by Aliantha

I'm sure it'd be lovely either way mate. I just want to know who I'm buying/making for so I know what to do. I just wanted to do something a bit personalized if possible, but that requires a bit of thought usually, but there'll be no time to put into it. That's all. Anyway, no point saying anything. Maybe I'll just withdraw. I'm not in a good frame of mind for xmas right now anyway.

This would be the tirade I was referring to in the secret santa thread. it's perfectly well organized, just because you didn't get what you want when you wanted it doesn't make it a freaking disaster. This assumption that I'm not on top of it is insulting and I deserve an apology. Fat chance of ever getting that.

Nobody else has moaned about the time line, you did not ask for an extra week as you claimed and i was not unresponsive. you were just having a shitty tantrum, but now that you feel better it doesn't make it ok for me.

see, here's the convo:

Originally Posted by Aliantha

I'm wondering if that's going to leave enough time for those of us on the other side of the world.

the postie gets pretty busy around xmas time.

Originally Posted by monster

what's your last mailing date for US and UK? You can always pre-buy the gift, so you can mail it as soon as you get your recipients details -you may get someone who's requested to stay anonymous anyway.

fairly reasonable response, i'd say. Reasonable question. If you had responded it was outside the mailing dates, I'd have moved it.

Originally Posted by Aliantha

the reason I wouldn't prebuy is that I don't know who I'm sending to. I'd rather know who I'm buying for so I can get them something they might like.

I suppose if the person chooses to remain annon, they'll just be getting a stuffed koala or something equally inane.

oh, no answer.... I ask again and instead i get:

Originally Posted by Aliantha

I think we need to get this under way for those of us who want to participate but might have trouble paying higher postage costs. Alternatively, perhaps it should just be for US and Canadian Cellarites and leave the rest of us out of it.

There's not really any other way to say we need to know pretty soon is there?

and

Originally Posted by Aliantha

And I don't know what the postage dates are, but in the past it's always been a matter of getting it in the post at least 6 weeks before the big day or you've got no chance. Traditionally even then it's a risk from here.

If I had time I'd go to the post office and find out, but I do not.

and

Originally Posted by Aliantha

the world wont end either way. to be honest, I really don't care anymore.

Just take my name off the list please monster.

and

Originally Posted by Aliantha

one final thing. I was more concerned about getting a gift to the other person than recieving my own. I like to put time and effort into every gift I give otherwise there's no point doing it.

I wasn't planning on sending a crap present regardless of whose name came up for me.

Anyway, it doesn't matter now. I'm out of the game.

I'd call that a fucking tirade too. had you thought about waiting for a response? or looking up the mailing dates on line? No, it's all my fault because you don't get it the way you want it. it's bloody thanksgiving week here. a holiday. You want me to tell my long-awaited guests to piss off while I satisfy your need for instant gratification? You were just being totally unreasonable. But instead of admitting that -even though you admitted you were having a shitty moment:

Originally Posted by Aliantha

I didn't think you were being terse.

I was just having a meltdown.

Things are better now. It's amazing what one nice big cuddle can do.

Originally Posted by Aliantha

What tirade? I said take my name off the list please. Forget I ever entered into the idea.

I had a lot more to say here which would have looked a lot more like a tirade than what I'd previously written, which in my opinion was a person simply asking for some consideration. Obviously that's too much to ask in the grand scheme of things. Fortunately for everyone I decided to delete it before I posted it.

you spit the binky and muddy the waters. you could have asked to be removed in a PM. but no, you have to make it like a public declaration of my incompetance to make you feel more justified in your ridiculous tantrum.

I'm sorry you pulled out, in my opinion -and clearly the opinion of others- 1st of Dec is plenty of time to get a small airmail gift delivered internationally. If it doesn't fit your schedule or your wallet, then decline gracefully, don't make me out to be the baddie.

There, that's what's pissing me off right now.

[Aliantha]

monster, if you feel slighted by me in any way then I am truly sorry for that.

My question was simply because I know how slow Australia Post can be and I've been caught by xmas mailing before. I did not want that to happen in this case because to me xmas is special and I like everything to be perfect. That's my issue not yours, but it's why I worry about getting gifts in the mail ahead of time. It's not a chore for me to buy someone a present and it does suit me to do so. In fact, buying the gifts is one of my favourite things about xmas. My comment about the expense of it was not for my own benefit but for those of us who would like to participate but may not be as financial as others. I did not name anyone specific because I would consider that rude and insensitive.

If you think my request was unreasonable, then so be it. I will tell you now though, that if I had for a second, thought I was being unreasonable, I never would have asked.

So in conclusion, now that you've had your say, please let this be the end of it. It'd be nice if the others who're looking forward to it could do so without this hanging over their heads.

Thankyou for volunteering to manage the secret santa. I'm sure you'll do a great job.

[jinx]

Stupid.... fucking.... football... jerks.