Dear Family

monster · 11-29-2011, 08:37 AM

I love that you all agree with me that marriage/domestic partnership should be a choice between two consenting individuals, no matter how well/poorly society perceives them to go together. And I do appreciate your help with the laundry. However, if one sock is small and navy (that's a shade of blue), and the other is long and black, they are not a pair. They do not go together. And however much we may want to help them be together, they are not both going to fit on the feet of the same person.

Clodfobble · 11-29-2011, 08:45 AM

Dear Mom,

I want you to meet my new significant other, Sven. He's a colorblind amputee, and it hurts him deeply that you don't consider him a "person."

Trilby · 11-29-2011, 08:49 AM

Dear Family,

I hate you.

Never leave me.

Love,
your Border Collie

Clodfobble · 11-29-2011, 08:57 AM

Dear Border Collie,

Sit.

Stay.

Signed, The Management.

Sundae · 11-29-2011, 09:07 AM

Dear Mum

I know you think you are offering me a big treat by suggesting that you go through my room while I am in Glasgow and shred out of date papers and clean my bedroom. But didn't my reaction last year give you a clue that this was really not my ideal Christmas present?

I admire that despite your desire for order, you hold off until you know I am away for a night, but I genuinely feel violated at the idea.

I will go through my paperwork and shred what is necessary before 19 December.
But your suggestion that you're worried I might forget something otherwise (ie a bill or a debt) is nonsensical. If I have "forgotten" one in the past, destroying the evidence would have helped, not hindered the process.

I love you and I know you love me.
And Merry Christmas and all that jazz.
I won't thank you when I come back, because I don't want you poking about in there. But I won't sulk about it either.

x

monster · 11-29-2011, 09:11 AM

Dear progeny,

I'm delighted to welcome Sven to the family. I do apologise for not forseeing the event of you meeting a one-armed colorblind amputee who also had the misfortune to have one foot shrunk by a witch doctor as he sought solace for his loss in the jungles of darkest Peru. Or did he used to buy his socks in threes? In which case I would check what he's doing with the small one before you say "I do".

infinite monkey · 11-29-2011, 09:25 AM

Dear Mom,

I'm not sure what you want from me. You told me no socks before marriage. Now you're saying socks is OK as long as it's a matched set? Seems a bit racist, and you've always been so open-minded.

And guess what else, Mom? My dress socks are teh ghey! They keep yelling "We're HERE, we're SHEER, get used to it!"

grynch · 11-29-2011, 09:30 AM

Dear Family Back There,

Repeat after me, .... Switzerland... SWitzerland.
not Sweden and most definitely not Swaziland.
Go on.. say it now.

Love,
the ex.pat

p.s.. Eastern time plus six hours, NOT minus six hours. ( i.e. don't phone us again at 3:00 a.m. )

Trilby · 11-29-2011, 11:00 AM

Dear ex.pat,

Quit trying to control us!

We'll call you when we damned well please!

After all, YOU'RE the one who ran away to Swaziland!!

Yours,
F.B.T.

infinite monkey · 11-29-2011, 11:10 AM

Swaziland? Isn't that where they grow snozzberries?

Lamplighter · 11-29-2011, 11:26 AM

Some people live way out in the Switzer-sticks

infinite monkey · 11-29-2011, 11:46 AM

Twisted Switzer

grynch · 11-30-2011, 03:00 AM

now class... pay attention...
.
.
http://www.distancefromto.net/distan...d/to/Swaziland

http://www.distancefromto.net/distan...to/Switzerland

http://www.distance-calculator.co.uk...-to-geneva.htm

ZenGum · 11-30-2011, 06:07 AM

Dear children,

No, we are not there yet. We will never be "there". We will always be here. That is a necessary truth.

Love,

WhyIamnotaparent.

monster · 11-30-2011, 08:21 AM

Deer Family?...

11-29-2011, 08:37 AM	#1
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Dear Family I love that you all agree with me that marriage/domestic partnership should be a choice between two consenting individuals, no matter how well/poorly society perceives them to go together. And I do appreciate your help with the laundry. However, if one sock is small and navy (that's a shade of blue), and the other is long and black, they are not a pair. They do not go together. And however much we may want to help them be together, they are not both going to fit on the feet of the same person. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

11-29-2011, 08:45 AM	#2
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	Dear Mom, I want you to meet my new significant other, Sven. He's a colorblind amputee, and it hurts him deeply that you don't consider him a "person." __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

11-29-2011, 08:49 AM	#3
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	Dear Family, I hate you. Never leave me. Love, your Border Collie __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

11-29-2011, 08:57 AM	#4
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	Dear Border Collie, Sit. Stay. Signed, The Management. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

11-29-2011, 09:07 AM	#5
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Dear Mum I know you think you are offering me a big treat by suggesting that you go through my room while I am in Glasgow and shred out of date papers and clean my bedroom. But didn't my reaction last year give you a clue that this was really not my ideal Christmas present? I admire that despite your desire for order, you hold off until you know I am away for a night, but I genuinely feel violated at the idea. I will go through my paperwork and shred what is necessary before 19 December. But your suggestion that you're worried I might forget something otherwise (ie a bill or a debt) is nonsensical. If I have "forgotten" one in the past, destroying the evidence would have helped, not hindered the process. I love you and I know you love me. And Merry Christmas and all that jazz. I won't thank you when I come back, because I don't want you poking about in there. But I won't sulk about it either. x __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

11-29-2011, 09:11 AM	#6
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Dear progeny, I'm delighted to welcome Sven to the family. I do apologise for not forseeing the event of you meeting a one-armed colorblind amputee who also had the misfortune to have one foot shrunk by a witch doctor as he sought solace for his loss in the jungles of darkest Peru. Or did he used to buy his socks in threes? In which case I would check what he's doing with the small one before you say "I do". __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

11-29-2011, 09:25 AM	#7
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	Dear Mom, I'm not sure what you want from me. You told me no socks before marriage. Now you're saying socks is OK as long as it's a matched set? Seems a bit racist, and you've always been so open-minded. And guess what else, Mom? My dress socks are teh ghey! They keep yelling "We're HERE, we're SHEER, get used to it!"

11-29-2011, 09:30 AM	#8
grynch the big Cheese Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Switzerland Posts: 390	Dear Family Back There, Repeat after me, .... Switzerland... SWitzerland. not Sweden and most definitely not Swaziland. Go on.. say it now. Love, the ex.pat p.s.. Eastern time plus six hours, NOT minus six hours. ( i.e. don't phone us again at 3:00 a.m. )

11-29-2011, 11:00 AM	#9
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	Dear ex.pat, Quit trying to control us! We'll call you when we damned well please! After all, YOU'RE the one who ran away to Swaziland!! Yours, F.B.T. __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

11-29-2011, 11:10 AM	#10
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	Swaziland? Isn't that where they grow snozzberries?

11-29-2011, 11:26 AM	#11
Lamplighter Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Bottom lands of the Missoula floods Posts: 6,402	Some people live way out in the Switzer-sticks

11-29-2011, 11:46 AM	#12
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	Twisted Switzer

11-30-2011, 03:00 AM	#13
grynch the big Cheese Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Switzerland Posts: 390	now class... pay attention... . . http://www.distancefromto.net/distan...d/to/Swaziland http://www.distancefromto.net/distan...to/Switzerland http://www.distance-calculator.co.uk...-to-geneva.htm

11-30-2011, 06:07 AM	#14
ZenGum Doctor Wtf Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Badelaide, Baustralia Posts: 12,861	Dear children, No, we are not there yet. We will never be "there". We will always be here. That is a necessary truth. Love, WhyIamnotaparent. __________________ Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl.

11-30-2011, 08:21 AM	#15
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Deer Family?... __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

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