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#151 | |
Relaxed
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 676
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Quote:
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#152 |
going nowhere slow
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: L.A.
Posts: 252
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This just in-
Thugs have hijacked a truck containing a huge shipment of viagra. The police as well as other local authorities are advising citizens of the community to be on the look out for hardened criminals.
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"There never seems to be enough time to do things you wanna' do once you find them."-excerpt from Jim Croce's 'Time in a Bottle'. |
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#153 | |
going nowhere slow
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: L.A.
Posts: 252
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Open wide and say-
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"There never seems to be enough time to do things you wanna' do once you find them."-excerpt from Jim Croce's 'Time in a Bottle'. |
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#154 |
lobber of scimitars
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Phila Burbs
Posts: 20,774
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1. I thought we were done apologizing.
2. j03, I have absolutely no clue what you're apologizing for. ![]()
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![]() ![]() "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis |
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#155 | |
going nowhere slow
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: L.A.
Posts: 252
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Quote:
![]() 2. Sure wish I could take full credit for that one, caught it on the Letterman show one night long ago. ![]()
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"There never seems to be enough time to do things you wanna' do once you find them."-excerpt from Jim Croce's 'Time in a Bottle'. |
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#156 |
going nowhere slow
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: L.A.
Posts: 252
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Two guys go into a not so very well lit tavern of midevil design. "Bartender", the first one shouts into the darkness. No reply. Once again the first one shouts out for a drink and the bartender doesn't seem to notice. Then the second one says "he's deaf, don't you get it already?". The first one says to the second one, "you are shitting me, right?". "I am absolutely not" says number two and adds "not only that but the moron can't see so the drinks are absolutely on the house and FREE of charge". -Something a little tiny and ignorant monkey once told me.
AHAHAHH. Good night. ![]()
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"There never seems to be enough time to do things you wanna' do once you find them."-excerpt from Jim Croce's 'Time in a Bottle'. Last edited by j03L10T; 12-18-2002 at 01:43 PM. |
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#157 | |
He who reads, sometimes writes.
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: at the keyboard
Posts: 791
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#158 | |
going nowhere slow
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: L.A.
Posts: 252
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Simply implying-
Quote:
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"There never seems to be enough time to do things you wanna' do once you find them."-excerpt from Jim Croce's 'Time in a Bottle'. |
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#159 |
Strong Silent Type
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Fort Collins, CO
Posts: 1,949
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seems like a lot of thinking. not sure its funny even then. but i did like the viagra one.
![]() ~james |
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#160 | |
going nowhere slow
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: L.A.
Posts: 252
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Diary of a Madman
Quote:
-the little doll is YOU? I just dunno and thank heavens for the ever present reality of voice altering headgear during orthodontics (as well as the original vocal recordings of the first few solo abums). I wrote and sang the past three solo albums in 1984, with merely an upper retainer firmly in position.
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"There never seems to be enough time to do things you wanna' do once you find them."-excerpt from Jim Croce's 'Time in a Bottle'. Last edited by j03L10T; 12-18-2002 at 02:07 PM. |
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#161 |
going nowhere slow
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: L.A.
Posts: 252
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I must be the devil since the southern baptists say so, right? Although I volunteered to a david bowie looking mother fucker, I don't recall volunteering to be the 'devil', ever. Don't ever ask me to go to church with you, or why I ever dared jesus to 'come back', after the life of torment I have lived. Mostly in part and way shape and form of a most painful and undetected upon birth, defect. Don't try to define me, I will only embarass you and without at all meaning to. None of you ever knew what you were purposely shitting on through your ignorantely worded euphorisms and immature and not so well informed mis-actions.
But I still maintain in my own usual and hopeless (to you) course of merely wishfull thnking that I might just be able to overlook your own thoughtless ways when it is YOUR turn to have to pretend to be just totally stupid just to insure that everything remains the way you think it should be. If you want to know the answer, whatever you do- don't ask me. ![]()
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"There never seems to be enough time to do things you wanna' do once you find them."-excerpt from Jim Croce's 'Time in a Bottle'. |
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#162 |
Infrequently Astonished
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Baltimore metro area
Posts: 324
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OK, this one's better in person . . . but here goes:
Joe Sixpack is nursing a brew on a barstool next to some pencil-necked French guy. Pierre, drinking a Mai Tai, periodically (and subtly) sniffs his finger and murmurs to himself "Aaah, Fifi." After he does this a few times, Joe asks Pierre's what's up with the finger-thing? "Oh, mon ami, I am sorry to disturb you, but I was just with my girlfriend, Fifi, and her lovely scent still lingers on my finger." Joe says, "Yeah, I know whatcha mean," takes a huge snort of his arm, from the shoulder down to the fingertips and blurts out "Myrtle!" New to the Cellar but having fun watching the antics. I'm not so sure I should get too close to some of the cages though -- you know what they say about the Jaguars; when they turn their backs to you and lift their tails, it's time to run! 99 44/100% pure
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Overcompensating for the 0.56% that is irredeemably corrupted. |
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#163 |
Person who doesn't update the user title
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 12,486
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Jag, put your tail down and turn around...good boy.
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#164 | |
St Petersburg, Florida
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 3,423
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#165 |
going nowhere slow
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: L.A.
Posts: 252
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What do you get when you cross a mule with an onion?
An ass that runs forever.
![]() Can't believe my last post here yesterday. Shocking but most truthful, that's why I am leaving it there. truly yours, joe q. elliot
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"There never seems to be enough time to do things you wanna' do once you find them."-excerpt from Jim Croce's 'Time in a Bottle'. |
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