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#1681 |
Only looks like a disaster tourist
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: above 7,000 feet
Posts: 7,208
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I think there's something missing in the third paragraph, classicman.
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#1682 |
“Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo”
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Savannah, Georgia
Posts: 21,393
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Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012! |
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#1684 |
I hear them call the tide
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
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I'll take a coma over a period any day....
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The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart |
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#1685 |
all hollowed out
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ridgecrest, CA
Posts: 982
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The meanest Mom EVER!!!! |
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#1686 |
changed his status to single
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Right behind you. No, the other side.
Posts: 10,308
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I think he was referring to the rest of a true Irishman's order.
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Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin |
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#1688 |
~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 6,828
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#1690 |
The future is unwritten
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
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In the nightmare I found myself nude in bed, and I was looking at a mirror on the ceiling, and I discovered that I am a black, and I'm circumcised! Quickly I sat up, found my pants and looked in the pockets to find my driver's license photo, and the face was the same color. Black.
I felt myself being very depressed, downcast, sitting in a chair. But it's a wheelchair! That means, of course, besides being black and Jewish, I'm also disabled! I said to myself, aloud 'This is impossible. It's impossible that I should be black and Jewish and disabled.' 'It's the pure and holy truth', whispers someone from behind me. I turn around, and it's my boyfriend. Just what I needed! I am gay, and on top of that, with a Mexican boyfriend. Oh, my God..... black, Jewish, disabled, gay, with a Mexican boyfriend, drug addict, and HIV-positive!!! Desperate, I begin to shout, cry, pull my hair, and Oh noooooo... I'm bald! The telephone rings. It's my brother. He is saying, 'Since mom and dad died the only thing you do is hang out, take drugs, and laze around all day doing nothing. Get a job you worthless piece of crap... Any job.' Mom?... Dad?... Nooooooooo... Now I'm also an unemployed orphan! I try to explain to my brother how hard it is to find a job when you are black, Jewish, disabled, gay with a Mexican boyfriend, are a drug addict, HIV positive, bald, and an orphan. But he doesn't get it. Frustrated, I hang up. It's then I realize I only have one hand! With tears in my eyes I go to the window to look out. I see I live in a shanty-town full of cardboard and tin houses! There is trash everywhere. Suddenly I feel a sharp pain near my pacemaker....Pacemaker? Besides being black, Jewish, disabled, gay with a Mexican boyfriend, a drug addict, HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, an invalid with one hand, and having a bad heart, I live in a crappy neighborhood. At that very moment my boyfriend approaches and says to me, 'Sweetie pie, my love, my little black heartthrob, have you decided who are you going to vote for in the Primary? McCain or Huckabee? Say it isn't so! I can handle being a black, disabled, one handed, drug addicted, Jewish homosexual on a pacemaker who is HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, lives in a slum, and has a Mexican boyfriend, but please, oh dear God, please don't tell me I'm a Republican!!!!!
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The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. |
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#1691 |
~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 6,828
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#1692 |
changed his status to single
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Right behind you. No, the other side.
Posts: 10,308
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typical woman - distracted by the obvious and missing the subtle beauty found elsewhere.
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Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin |
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#1693 |
Come on, cat.
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: general vicinity of Philadelphia area
Posts: 7,013
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Is that the joke that the councilwoman in CO ended up resigning over?
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Crying won't help you, praying won't do you no good. |
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#1694 |
~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 6,828
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![]() funny story xob |
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#1695 |
barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy.
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 23,401
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Picasso was painting in the park one afternoon. A woman recognized the master and wished to capitalize on her good fortune. She politely asked Picasso if he would please sketch her portrait, as she had so long admired his work. He agreed, and within five minutes, handed the woman a lovely portrait. "Thank you! Thank you!" the woman replied. "What do I owe you?" To which, Picasso replied, "That will be $5,000." The woman, taken aback, said, "Five thousand dollars? But it only took you five minutes!" "No, madam," replied Picasso, "it has taken me all my life."
Picasso was painting in the park one afternoon. A woman recognized the master and wished to capitalize on her good fortune. She politely asked Picasso if he would please sketch her portrait, as she had so long admired his work. He agreed, and within five minutes, handed the woman a lovely portrait. "Thank you! Thank you!" the woman replied. "What do I owe you?" To which, Picasso replied, "That will be $5,000." The woman, taken aback, said, "Five thousand dollars? But it only took you five minutes!" "No, madam," replied Picasso, "it has taken me all my life." Moral of the story: don’t underestimate someone else’s talents.
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"like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt |
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humor |
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