Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 118

monster · 03-19-2008, 05:02 PM

yup. sucker :p

Flint · 03-19-2008, 05:03 PM

How dumb is this guy anyway? I mean, come on! What a doofus. He'll believe anything!

Radar · 03-19-2008, 05:17 PM

Why? Because you did?

Flint · 03-19-2008, 05:27 PM

NO BECAUSE YOUR A STUPID

lookout123 · 03-19-2008, 05:28 PM

that would be more effective in red.

Bullitt · 03-19-2008, 09:15 PM

xoxoxoBruce · 03-20-2008, 12:29 PM

There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses, the results were pretty interesting:

30% of women think their ass is too fat…………
10% of women think their ass is too skinny……
The remaining 60% say they don’t care, they love him, he’s a good man, and they wouldn’t trade him for the world .

Shawnee123 · 03-20-2008, 01:40 PM

chuckie

total loss · 03-20-2008, 07:19 PM

hehehe hahaha

This is too funny, where did u get it?

Flint · 03-20-2008, 10:30 PM

Quote:

You know the drill. Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for a significant other by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic. Every Valentines day you rack your brains for that one special, unique gift that will show your wife or girlfriend that you really do care for them more than any other. Now ladies, I'll let you in on a little secret; guys really don't enjoy this that much. Sure seeing that smile on your face when we get it right is priceless, but that smile is the result of weeks of blood, sweat and consideration. Another secret; guys feel left out. That's right, there's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or too embarrassed to admit it.

Which is why a new holiday has been created.

March 14th is now officially "Steak and Blowjob Day". Simple, effective and self explanatory, this holiday has been created so you ladies finally have a day to show your man how much you care for him.

No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town; the name of the holiday explains it all, just a steak and a BJ. Thats it. Finally, this twin pair of Valentine's Day and Steak and Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere try THAT much harder in February to ensure a memorable March 14th!

The word is already beginning to spread, but as with any new idea, it needs a little push to start the ball rolling. So spread the word, and help bring love and peace to this crazy world. And, of course, steak and BJ's.

Posted by SteveBsjb on Audiogalaxy; 03/15/08

TheMercenary · 03-22-2008, 11:36 AM

UPS Airlines

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high
School diploma to fix one; a reassurance for those of us who fly
routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,'
Which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics
correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then
pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS' pilots (marked
with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance
engineers. By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an
accident (let hope it stays that way!~TJ)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per
minute Descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

binky · 03-22-2008, 01:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flint

Posted by SteveBsjb on Audiogalaxy; 03/15/08

Also posted on the Cellar....around Valentine's Day

lumberjim · 03-22-2008, 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by total loss

hehehe hahaha

This is too funny, where did u get it?

http://clients.arranschlosberg.com/chuck/

TheMercenary · 03-22-2008, 11:01 PM

Just saw this guy on Comedy Channel. He was great.

Radar · 03-23-2008, 12:20 PM

If you like him, it must mean he sucks. I can see why you like him though. He wraps himself up in the flag just like you and the other nationalists.

03-19-2008, 05:02 PM	#1756
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	yup. sucker :p __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

03-19-2008, 05:03 PM	#1757
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	How dumb is this guy anyway? I mean, come on! What a doofus. He'll believe anything! __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

03-19-2008, 05:17 PM	#1758
Radar Constitutional Scholar Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Ocala, FL Posts: 4,006	Why? Because you did? __________________ "I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death." - George Carlin

03-19-2008, 05:27 PM	#1759
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	NO BECAUSE YOUR A STUPID __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

03-19-2008, 05:28 PM	#1760
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	that would be more effective in red. __________________ Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin

03-19-2008, 09:15 PM	#1761
Bullitt This is a fully functional babe lair Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Akron, OH Posts: 2,324	__________________ Kiss my white Irish ass.

03-20-2008, 12:29 PM	#1762
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses, the results were pretty interesting: 30% of women think their ass is too fat………… 10% of women think their ass is too skinny…… The remaining 60% say they don’t care, they love him, he’s a good man, and they wouldn’t trade him for the world . __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

03-20-2008, 01:40 PM	#1763
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	chuckie Attached Images __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

03-20-2008, 07:19 PM	#1764
total loss Alphabetarian Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 12	hehehe hahaha This is too funny, where did u get it?

03-22-2008, 11:36 AM	#1766
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	UPS Airlines Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high School diploma to fix one; a reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' Which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident (let hope it stays that way!~TJ) P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit S: Something tightened in cockpit P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute Descent S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for. P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. And the best one for last P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget. __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

03-22-2008, 11:01 PM	#1769
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	Just saw this guy on Comedy Channel. He was great. __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

03-23-2008, 12:20 PM	#1770
Radar Constitutional Scholar Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Ocala, FL Posts: 4,006	If you like him, it must mean he sucks. I can see why you like him though. He wraps himself up in the flag just like you and the other nationalists. __________________ "I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death." - George Carlin

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