Tasteless Jokes - Page 17

Crimson Ghost · 05-05-2006, 05:44 AM

There's a young couple in the cinema. The girl says, "I must have a piss, can I squeeze past you?"
"Why don't you squat down on the floor and do it" says the boyfriend. "You'll have to disturb all these people, besides its dark, no one will see you."
"OK" she says. She pulls her drawers down and squats on the floor. The bloke starts feeling horny at the thought of her down there, so he reaches down and makes a grab.
He feels something long and hard and says, "Urgh! Have you changed your sex?"
"No" she says "I've changed my mind... I'm having a shit instead."

Crimson Ghost · 05-05-2006, 05:45 AM

A newly-wed couple wake up on the first morning of the their honeymoon in the Caribbean and decide to take a stroll down the beach.
On their way they pass a shanty house, and sitting on the front porch is an overweight woman, stark naked, legs akimbo, eating a slice of watermelon.
The husband sees this and liking the idea of his new wife exhibiting her body in public asks her whether she would do the same. The wife looks at him in disgust and refuses.
The second morning they pass the shanty house again and, sure enough, the overweight woman is sitting on the porch stark naked, legs akimbo, eating another slice of watermelon.
Not being put off be his new wife's refusal, the husband enquires of his wife, "Why don't you go over and ask that woman what it feels like to sit there naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?" The wife again refuses.
This continues each morning for two weeks until it is the last day of the honeymoon. Each morning they would pass by the woman, each morning the husband would try to persuade his new wife to copy her and each morning the wife would refuse.
However, it being the last morning the husband gives it one more try and enquires of his wife, "Why don't you go over and ask that woman what it feels like to sit there naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?"
The wife finally gives in, opens the gate of the shanty house and walks up to the overweight woman on the front porch. "What does it feel like to sit there naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?" she asks, hesitantly.
"I don't rightly know, replies the woman, "but it sure keeps the flies off of my watermelon."

Crimson Ghost · 05-05-2006, 05:46 AM

How do you stop five niggers from raping a white woman?

Toss 'em a basketball.

Crimson Ghost · 05-05-2006, 05:47 AM

These two starving bums are walking through an alley when one of them sees a dead cat. He runs over, sits down and starts to eat the cat, tearing the meat from its limbs.
He says to the other bum, "Hey, I know you're hungry, too. Why don't you eat some of this cat?"
"Hell no!" replies the second bum, "That cat's been dead for days, he's all stiff and cold and smelly!"
The first bum says, "Okay, suit yourself," and continues to eat everything, skin, muscle, guts, all but the skeleton.
A few hours later as they are walking down the street the first bum says, "Oh, I don't feel so good. I think there might have been something wrong with that cat." And just then, he pukes up a huge puddle of rotten cat flesh and guts with stomach bile mixed in, all half digested and looking like mush.
The second bum sits down next to the puddle and says, "Now you're talking! It's been months since I had a WARM meal!"

Crimson Ghost · 05-05-2006, 05:49 AM

A leper walked into a bar and sat down. The bartender glanced over and promptly threw up all over himself and the floor.
The leper looked hurt and said, "Hey, I know I'm not exactly handsome, but I do have feelings and you could be a little sensitive about them."
The bartender, wiping his mouth on his sleeve, looked up and proclaimed, "I'm sorry as hell man, but it wasn't you. That guy sitting next to you keeps dipping his crackers in your neck."

Crimson Ghost · 05-05-2006, 06:05 AM

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing. She's already been told twice.

Tundsy · 07-03-2006, 06:32 AM

Little Herbie had been blind since birth. One day his mother tells him that "Tomorrow is a special day and if you pray extra hard tonight you'll be able to see tomorrow for the first day in your life!" Little Herbie - "Really Mom" Mom - "yes little Herbie". So little Herbie goes to bed and prays his ass off. The next morning he wakes up and before he opens his eyes he prays some more. Finally he opens his eyes and...Nothing - Blind as a bat! "MOMMY MOMMY" he screams..Mom comes in "What is it Little Herbie?" little Herbie- "I still can't see!" Mommy - "I know Little Herbie, APRIL FOOLS!"

Ibby · 07-03-2006, 07:05 AM

Did you hear about the new Jewish car?

It can stop on a dime, and pick it up, too.

Tundsy · 07-03-2006, 05:39 PM

Why do women have legs?

So they don't leave a trail like a slug.

JayMcGee · 07-03-2006, 07:57 PM

what sort of file do you need to make a hole this big o, this big O?

a paedophile....

Crimson Ghost · 07-04-2006, 03:18 AM

How many Jews fit into a VW Beetle?

2 in the front, 2 in the back, and 100 in the ashtrays.

richlevy · 07-04-2006, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crimson Ghost

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?

Can I have your Phillies tickets?

Local joke.

AlternateGray · 07-04-2006, 02:25 PM

What's the difference between an epileptic corn-shucker and a diarhettic whore?

The first one shucks and has the fits...

Crimson Ghost · 07-05-2006, 12:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by richlevy

Can I have your Phillies tickets?

Local joke.

Oof.

BigV · 07-05-2006, 10:54 AM

What's the difference between a poor golfer and a poor skydiver?

A poor golfer goes "Whack! Shit!"

**********

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

A pickpocket snatches watches.

05-05-2006, 05:44 AM	#241
Crimson Ghost Larger than life and twice as ugly. Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 5,264	There's a young couple in the cinema. The girl says, "I must have a piss, can I squeeze past you?" "Why don't you squat down on the floor and do it" says the boyfriend. "You'll have to disturb all these people, besides its dark, no one will see you." "OK" she says. She pulls her drawers down and squats on the floor. The bloke starts feeling horny at the thought of her down there, so he reaches down and makes a grab. He feels something long and hard and says, "Urgh! Have you changed your sex?" "No" she says "I've changed my mind... I'm having a shit instead." __________________ We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark. I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them, I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period. Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years

05-05-2006, 05:45 AM	#242
Crimson Ghost Larger than life and twice as ugly. Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 5,264	A newly-wed couple wake up on the first morning of the their honeymoon in the Caribbean and decide to take a stroll down the beach. On their way they pass a shanty house, and sitting on the front porch is an overweight woman, stark naked, legs akimbo, eating a slice of watermelon. The husband sees this and liking the idea of his new wife exhibiting her body in public asks her whether she would do the same. The wife looks at him in disgust and refuses. The second morning they pass the shanty house again and, sure enough, the overweight woman is sitting on the porch stark naked, legs akimbo, eating another slice of watermelon. Not being put off be his new wife's refusal, the husband enquires of his wife, "Why don't you go over and ask that woman what it feels like to sit there naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?" The wife again refuses. This continues each morning for two weeks until it is the last day of the honeymoon. Each morning they would pass by the woman, each morning the husband would try to persuade his new wife to copy her and each morning the wife would refuse. However, it being the last morning the husband gives it one more try and enquires of his wife, "Why don't you go over and ask that woman what it feels like to sit there naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?" The wife finally gives in, opens the gate of the shanty house and walks up to the overweight woman on the front porch. "What does it feel like to sit there naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?" she asks, hesitantly. "I don't rightly know, replies the woman, "but it sure keeps the flies off of my watermelon." __________________ We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark. I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them, I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period. Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years

05-05-2006, 05:46 AM	#243
Crimson Ghost Larger than life and twice as ugly. Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 5,264	How do you stop five niggers from raping a white woman? Toss 'em a basketball. __________________ We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark. I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them, I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period. Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years

05-05-2006, 05:47 AM	#244
Crimson Ghost Larger than life and twice as ugly. Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 5,264	These two starving bums are walking through an alley when one of them sees a dead cat. He runs over, sits down and starts to eat the cat, tearing the meat from its limbs. He says to the other bum, "Hey, I know you're hungry, too. Why don't you eat some of this cat?" "Hell no!" replies the second bum, "That cat's been dead for days, he's all stiff and cold and smelly!" The first bum says, "Okay, suit yourself," and continues to eat everything, skin, muscle, guts, all but the skeleton. A few hours later as they are walking down the street the first bum says, "Oh, I don't feel so good. I think there might have been something wrong with that cat." And just then, he pukes up a huge puddle of rotten cat flesh and guts with stomach bile mixed in, all half digested and looking like mush. The second bum sits down next to the puddle and says, "Now you're talking! It's been months since I had a WARM meal!" __________________ We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark. I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them, I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period. Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years

05-05-2006, 05:49 AM	#245
Crimson Ghost Larger than life and twice as ugly. Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 5,264	A leper walked into a bar and sat down. The bartender glanced over and promptly threw up all over himself and the floor. The leper looked hurt and said, "Hey, I know I'm not exactly handsome, but I do have feelings and you could be a little sensitive about them." The bartender, wiping his mouth on his sleeve, looked up and proclaimed, "I'm sorry as hell man, but it wasn't you. That guy sitting next to you keeps dipping his crackers in your neck." __________________ We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark. I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them, I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period. Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years

05-05-2006, 06:05 AM	#246
Crimson Ghost Larger than life and twice as ugly. Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 5,264	What do you say to a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. She's already been told twice. __________________ We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark. I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them, I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period. Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years

07-03-2006, 06:32 AM	#247
Tundsy Person Who Has Posted Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 2	Little Herbie Little Herbie had been blind since birth. One day his mother tells him that "Tomorrow is a special day and if you pray extra hard tonight you'll be able to see tomorrow for the first day in your life!" Little Herbie - "Really Mom" Mom - "yes little Herbie". So little Herbie goes to bed and prays his ass off. The next morning he wakes up and before he opens his eyes he prays some more. Finally he opens his eyes and...Nothing - Blind as a bat! "MOMMY MOMMY" he screams..Mom comes in "What is it Little Herbie?" little Herbie- "I still can't see!" Mommy - "I know Little Herbie, APRIL FOOLS!"

07-03-2006, 07:05 AM	#248
Ibby erika Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: "the high up north" Posts: 6,127	Did you hear about the new Jewish car? It can stop on a dime, and pick it up, too. __________________ not really back, you didn't see me, i was never here shhhhhh

07-03-2006, 05:39 PM	#249
Tundsy Person Who Has Posted Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 2	Why do women have legs? So they don't leave a trail like a slug.

07-03-2006, 07:57 PM	#250
JayMcGee Cardigan-wearing man Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Much Binding In The Marsh Posts: 1,082	what sort of file do you need to make a hole this big o, this big O? a paedophile.... __________________ I like wearing cardigans...... my current favourite is an orange cable-knit with real leatherette buttons.

07-04-2006, 03:18 AM	#251
Crimson Ghost Larger than life and twice as ugly. Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 5,264	How many Jews fit into a VW Beetle? 2 in the front, 2 in the back, and 100 in the ashtrays. __________________ We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark. I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them, I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period. Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years

07-04-2006, 02:25 PM	#253
AlternateGray red-shirt guy Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Colorado Posts: 101	What's the difference between an epileptic corn-shucker and a diarhettic whore? The first one shucks and has the fits...

07-05-2006, 10:54 AM	#255
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	What's the difference between a poor golfer and a poor skydiver? A poor golfer goes "Whack! Shit!" ********** What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? A pickpocket snatches watches. __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 3 (0 members and 3 guests)