My Kid is a Damn Nutter

[Clodfobble]

We had our first appointment at Thoughtful House today. I couldn't be happier with the way things went.

First off, the office is nothing like a doctor's office. The "waiting room" is like a living room full of toys, including a Wii, and the "exam rooms" are carpeted, with bookcases and couches and more toys. No tables with rolled paper, no scales, no fluorescents. The doctors are automatically familiar with such practices as casually blocking the door with their chair, so there is no need to constantly pull the child away from it.

Then we got over an hour of dedicated face time with the nutritionist. I had been a little unhappy at the idea that we would supposedly be having all these tests ordered at this appointment, but then the followup appointment to discuss results and act on them wasn't for another six weeks. But it turns out the tests really do take that long, and I will be anything but idle in the meantime. Aside from a huge packet of information regarding a variety of dietary things, this is what we walked away with:

--Immediately discontinue his vitamin/mineral supplements and his probiotics for two weeks, to prep for the lab testing. (They will confound the results otherwise.) This has the added benefit of finding out if the coconut contained in them is giving him problems--a likely possibility, because we had to stop the coconut yogurt after it made his diarrhea even worse (I wouldn't have thought that was possible, but it turns out it was.) In addition, don't let him eat any fruits or nuts for two days prior to collecting the samples.

--To keep up the "you must take your medicine every night" routine, and to anticipate the high probability that the lab results will show a massive yeast overgrowth among other things, we will instead be giving him apple cider vinegar in his little med syringe instead. This does not kill yeast directly, but it breaks down the mucousy housing material, so to speak, thus making the anti-fungal more effective if/when it is eventually prescribed. Good for the digestive tract even if it turns out he has no fungus after all.

--It's likely he doesn't have a problem with rice itself, because if it were a food sensitivity we should have seen the improvement within a day or two. Instead what we saw was sudden, massive black poop after five rice-free days. This is indicative of a change in the bowel's general equilibrium, which makes it likely that it was the yeast in the rice bread that he was specifically craving. So he can have rice back, but not his rice bread sandwiches for now. No problem, I've already gotten him to accept the idea of a sandwich made with his waffles instead.

--After two weeks, we take the poop and pee samples and FedEx them off to the labs. Then begins the real fun: a full bowel clean-out. Variable doses of magnesium citrate until he has reached his target of pooping at least once an hour, for as many days as it takes. I have been warned that terrible, horrible things may come out of him at this time, of a size that I could never, ever have imagined could be contained in his tiny body. He is not done until what is coming out is basically clear liquid.

--General examination of his diet shows that he needs more protein than he's getting, especially early in the day. If I can't get him to eat bacon and eggs in the morning, I need to start putting protein powder in his waffles. And, if I'm up for it at some point before the next appointment, I should really do a trial of removing corn--as in, the tostadas and tortilla chips he eats every day. Yeah, uh, we'll see about that one. Not right now, that's for sure.

[glatt]

Wow.

[limey]

Crikey! Good luck, Clod!

[Pico and ME]

How are you going to get him to take the magnesium citrate?

[Clodfobble]

Pin him down and squirt it in the back of his throat with a syringe, just like his nightly vitamins. It's easier if I have Mr. Clod to hold his arms while I sit on his midsection, but I have on several occasions successfully done it by myself. I basically straddle his chest with his arms pinned inside, and hold his head still between my knees. It's quite a workout for me--first off, I'm working the hamstrings like crazy because I'm too heavy to actually sit on him, so I'm basically holding myself in a squat a few inches off the ground, and then second, with nothing to pin his hips behind me he can kick the crap out of my back and occasionally lands a good one to the back of my head--but it's surprisingly effective for him. He doesn't fight the nightly vitamins at all anymore, though he makes it clear that he still wants Mr. Clod to hold his arms, even if he's applying no pressure. If the magnesium citrate doesn't taste bad, he shouldn't fight me on those after the first few times either.

[Pie]

Pico: have you ever given a cat a pill?

[jinx]

Did anything come of your concern that they might want to put him on expensive proprietary supplements... or is that down the road a ways still?

I just saw something about apple cider vinegar... here. May or may not be anything useful there. Pretty potent stuff though. My dad used it to (over) treat a toe nail fungus... figured if a little was a good a lot was better... his nail fell off.

Oh, and have you tried gram/chick pea flour yet? Supposed to be very high in protein but gluten free...

Stay strong.

[Pie]

Originally Posted by jinx

Oh, and have you tried gram/chick pea flour yet? Supposed to be very high in protein but gluten free....

Clod, if gram flour ends up being approved, I have a variety of recipes that might be useful.

[Pico and ME]

Hell, Clod. Try getting him to sip it with a straw and tell him its pop. It is fizzy. Put ice in it.

I shudder just thinking about it. I had to to drink a whole bottle once. I was nauseaus at the time. It was pretty hard to keep down.

[Clodfobble]

Originally Posted by jinx

Did anything come of your concern that they might want to put him on expensive proprietary supplements... or is that down the road a ways still?

Nothing so far--they have some of the GFCF magnesium citrate, and she showed me the exact product I was supposed to use, but she told me it was stocked at standard health food stores and it would be cheaper there.

Originally Posted by jinx

Oh, and have you tried gram/chick pea flour yet? Supposed to be very high in protein but gluten free...

The All-Purpose gluten-free flour blend I use is primarily chickpea flour, plus some tapioca flour and I think a little potato starch. It's what I make his waffles out of, but apparently it's not high enough in protein for what he needs. I found hemp protein powder at the store, which she said was the best choice if I could find it. Pie, I would imagine my flour blend would work in any recipes calling for gram flour. I'm always willing to take recipe suggestions. I did try to make dosas, but they didn't come out so pretty.

Originally Posted by Pico and ME

Hell, Clod. Try getting him to sip it with a straw and tell him its pop. It is fizzy. Put ice in it.

I shudder just thinking about it. I had to to drink a whole bottle once. I was nauseaus at the time. It was pretty hard to keep down.

This is the kid who basically won't drink anything except water. The highest concentration of juice he'll stand is about 2-3 Tablespoons in a full glass of water (and that's exactly one flavor of juice, mind you.) Telling him it's a soda will fall on deaf ears, I assure you. Plus, we're supposed to keep the doses very small but steady throughout the day. An adult might take the whole bottle, sit on the toilet all night and be done, but that's too extreme for a kid so small--hence the once-an-hour rule, no more no less.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Wow. At least it's a short term regimen.

[Griff]

Keep grinding it out Clod. You are a brilliant Mom.

[glatt]

Originally Posted by Griff

You are a brilliant Mom.

So say we all.

[Flint]

We are trained to disregard anecdotal evidence.

A mother, saying that feeding her kid different food caused a change in behavior in that kid, is NOT anecdotal evidence.

A responsible mother is a researcher performing a 24x7x365 study on that kid. The MD who sees that kid once a month, he cannot offer intelligent opinions on the daily happenings in that house.

The difference might be that a university researcher etc. is bound by legal/professional/ethical constraints to adhere to the scientific method, peer review etc. and that is as it should be. And we don't know what kind of crackpot this kid's mother might be--it could be one of those people who think the Bible will heal your terminal illness or whatever.

But I can tell you that in my household, I trust my childcare researcher (Pooka). When the doctors said our baby was "collicky" we were like "WTF is collicky?! That isn't even a medical concept, it just means they don't know or care to look into it." So Pooka journaled everything baby ate, and every event in baby's life, until we had the DATA to form a conclusion: baby had acid reflux. We had to tell the doctor what the problem was. The medication caused an IMMEDIATE and obvious difference in baby's whole outlook on life. A total PERSONALITY change, as she wasn't IN PAIN constantly anymore.

A doctor wouldn't know that. A doctor isn't with your kid 24/7 to see that.

Here is something else I know: Clodfobble has never done anything that suggests in the slightest that she isn't a supremely logic-driven individual. I know that. And if Clodfobble reports observations made in the laboratory of her domicile, then I have to accept that as legitimate research. In fact, I am bound by my belief in a logic-driven universe to do so--to NOT do so would require me to make an exception to some set of facts that I have already verified as accurate.

Earlier I was thinking about how when my brother was severely hyperactive as a kid, the doctor told my mom "Stop feeding him sugar." That helped. Would any doctor tell you that, today?

[Clodfobble]

Originally Posted by Flint

Earlier I was thinking about how when my brother was severely hyperactive as a kid, the doctor told my mom "Stop feeding him sugar." That helped. Would any doctor tell you that, today?

To be fair, I think a lot of the pediatricians have just given up because they don't think the parents are going to listen anyway. I mean come on, a "Nachos" flavor Lunchable has more sugar in it than a pile of 20+ gummy bears. It is amazing what utter crap passes for food these days, especially for kids.